How can i be happy

Tristan,

Without knowing more, it is hard to address this question. Speaking in generalities. . .

If you can identify the source of your depression, that helps. Breakup with girlfriend? No friends? Too many commitments, with no free time to yourself? Parent problems? These types of concerns can be addressed through counseling, or, lesser means, depending on how deeply depressed you are. Things I have found that work for me when I am depressed include the following:

1. physical activity. Running, Exercise, Punching a punching bag (this helps if there is anger tied to the issue!)
2. writing. Keeping a journal, to help me explore what is going on in my life in a more systematic approach. Or, writing poetry, reflective of my life. Look at the songwriters who do this with their lives!
3. Do something for somebody else. I remind myself of others who are worse off than me. Just do random acts of kindness. It really does help make you feel better about yourself.
4. counseling. I like having someone to talk to who is non-judgmental. It is sometimes difficult to find the therapist that is right for you though. The first one is not necessarily going to be someone you can connect with.
5. Watch your sugar intake. It's easy to use sugar as a crutch to boost your mood/energy level. But when it wears off, there is a rebound effect, and it sends you deeper down. Try to eat balanced, healthy meals at regular intervals. It also helps to eat smaller meals more frequently, like, every 3-4 hours.

Sometimes depression is deep, and requires medication. This would require a doctor visit.

Being "not happy" is different than being depressed. Sometimes life is just sort of ho-hum. You get up, go to school, come home, sleep, repeat. If you feel like you're in a rut, then it is time to do something different! We are responsible for our own "happy." Force yourself to find something to add some excitement to your life - a new hobby, sport, volunteer somewhere, etc. And promise yourself to stick with it for 6 months. The first few days will feel weird. It takes awhile to decide if it is something you should be doing. A lot of people find great satisfaction with martial arts, for example.

You might want to discuss this with your school counselor before summer break. Here are some other resources you may find useful. Please let me know if I can be of more help!

Teens Helping Teens: staffed during after school hours: https://teenlineonline.org/

Suicide Prevention: lots of resources on the website: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433 

Immediate Medical Assistance: 911 

Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 

Crisis Text Line (U.S. only): Text HELLO to 741741 

There is a movie called, I think, "Happiness", and it detailed the lives of people around the world who were, or claimed to be, happy. That doesn't sound like too big of a deal until you realize that happiness is not related to much objectively such as wealth or strength or property or even relative safety. The movie drove home that saying that is often attributed (mis-attributed, apparently) to Lincoln, "Most folks are about as happy as they set their minds to be," or something similar. The point here is that while there is a lot of great material on being happy like "making friends", exercise, think positive, and all of it works to some degree. Of those things, it seems the last one is pretty important. Happiness is relative.

One of the things I indulge myself in is letting sad thought in. If I see a movie that's sad and I feel like crying, I do it. Maybe that's supposed to be embarrassing or something, but there are things that simply make us sad. And I believe that you can't really experience true joy to the maximum without having experienced the opposite. So you can appreciate it. It's sort of like the joke with the guy hitting himself on the head with a hammer and being asked why. He says, "Because it feels so good when I stop." Sure it's stupid, but there's truth in that.

One of the things I find that is absolutely essential for me to lighten up and relax is to lift weights. The reason is that I'm getting old, and I get really cranky, and when I go to the gym, wow, do I feel it. But that discomfort and exhaustion and soreness the next day makes me completely relaxed. I feel like I accomplished something. I did work. The pain and soreness is a reminder that I feel better and I worked. That contrast after coming back from the gym makes me so relaxed it's like nothing can bother me. Like someone who has a really tough day at work comes home and is content just sitting down and doing nothing.

So that's my message. Happiness is relative. If you think you should have a billion dollars and you only have 900 million, it's possible to be ticked off. Just not particularly worthwhile.

Gratitude! It's hard to find gratitude in every day life, especially when times get tough. End your day by writing down 1 thing you are grateful for - could be as simple as the coffee you had today, an interaction with a friend or family member, a good meal, a hug, a good workout, the weather, the bed you are about to sleep in! This will allow your mind to focus on the positives in a sea of negatives.