5 answers
Stephaniep
Student
Indonesia
1
Question
Updated
1690 views
Im in a wrong major and now my grades are falling and i feel guilty about it, what should i do?
Im a medstud, im goin in 3rd year right now. I was feeling that meds isnt for me since the begining, but i kept going bcause i dont want to let my parents down. I went through myfirst year good enough, 3.1 GPA and during second year i just couldnt bear it anymore and i got depress. I never told my parents about it, ive been keeping it a secret. My 3rd semester i only got 2.5GPA. I didnt go to any outside class activity , i withdraw my self from my friends cause i just feel i dont connect with them. I also broke up with my bf bcause somehow he just reminds me a lot about medschool. I cried at night , pretend to b okay at day, i still do it right now. Until last month, i cant takeit anymore. I cried in front of my parents, and told them that i dont want to b in meds, i dont want to b a doctor, i want to pursue design. And of course they turned me down. They said tht its okay if i dont want to b a doctro, if i finish meds i can do what ever i want. But honestly, i dont know i just feel so bad about it. I still go to college right now just bcause i dont want to see my mom dissapointed in me. It hurts me inside. I go ti college and study just for formality, and you know how hard meds is, my score falling even futher. Until i didnt pass my last exam. Now i feel im guilty, i waste time and my parents money, all i need to do is just study, and i dont even do it well. I feel lost, im afraid of my future. I used to b a straight A student but now im barely pass. What should i do? Help me. #college #psychology #college-major #clinical-psychology #psychotherapy #depression #personal-development
5 answers
Linda Ann Robinson, Ph.D.
Industrial-Organizational Psychology & HR Consulting
199
Answers
Updated
Linda Ann’s Answer
Please see someone in your school's counseling center ASAP. After you have stabilized your mood with appropriate counseling, go to your school's career development office to explore other academic majors that may be more in alignment with your interests and abilities.
I wish you the best, going forward in time. Please be patient AND kind to yourself right now, as you sound very vulnerable
+1 "be patient AND kind to yourself right now" couldn't agree more!
Jared Chung, Admin
Ken Simmons
Assist with Recognizing and Developing Potential
1695
Answers
Cleveland, Ohio
Updated
Ken’s Answer
Talk a deep breath and relax. That may be hard to do at first, but it is the important first step.
If you could present your parents with a plan and some clarity, perhaps they might be more inclined to work with you to achieve it.
A good next step would be to go to your school counselor and your professors and share your concern and ask his/her help in determining what you might want to do next with the education that you have so far accumulated and what career path you might want to follow and how you might get there. There might even be a way to combine medicine and design.Here are some examples:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/medart/students.htm
http://www.engineergirl.org/Engineers/Ask/Answers/21589.aspx
I feel that you can make much lemonade out of this lemon!
Best of luck. Please let me know if this helps. I would like to follow your progress. Keep me informed.
Perhaps this will help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Hd3uWKFKY
Ken Simmons
I already talk to my conselour. She said i should stick with it bcause it myb bcause of my depression. Lots of student r like me. And they still survive and happy myb. I dont know how to tell my parents. It always really hard for me to open up about what i feel, i tend to b quiet on my own. I open the link. Im considering that art aplied meds. But design that i want is fashion design. I want to make my own brand and sell my clothes. I think thats what i want.
Stephaniep
These might help: ## http://www.wikihow.com/Become-a-Fashion-Designer ## ## https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkzKMkPOq7I ## Ask your counselor if he/she would sit down with you and your parents to help them to understand your situation. Also, you might want to go to your school medical clinic to talk to a professional about your depression and how to manage it and how to share its cause with your parents along with your career concerns. The sooner that you deal with the depression and the relationship with your parents, the sooner you will be able to make positive strides in your live. Best of luck. Please keep me informed. We can get through this.
Ken Simmons
How did you get interested in fashion design? Have you done fashion designing so far? What have you designed and what feedback have you received about your designs? What would you really like to do next?
Ken Simmons
This like might also help ##https://www.themuse.com/advice/3-ways-to-get-out-of-your-rut-that-dont-involve-giving-two-weeks-notice?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_20160810&utm_source=blueshift&utm_content=daily_wednesday&bsft_eid=ffd84153-be20-41ff-8dbe-42233c30c8e3&bsft_clkid=cab5e417-42d6-417d-918f-224bc9587b0b&bsft_uid=54658fa1-0090-41fd-b88c-20a86c513a6c ##
Ken Simmons
I have thought about it for quiet a long time back then i didnt take it seriously. But thorigh time i somehow realize that i want it. I took some fashion design class last year during my holiday, and i like it. I told my parents i want to pursue design and they didnt agree. My mom said that thats wasnt as easy as it looks. Seriously? Whats the different with meds?? Meds is far more worse, it didnt look easy, and its seriously like hell when i go through it. Why is my parents so wanting me to b a doctor? Whats so special about it? Having a lot of money but im miserable like this? I prefer to b happy at a job that not really makes a lot of money.
Stephaniep
A very helpful thing that you can do is to go to the place where you took the design classes and arrange to meet and talk to people who also attended and or graduated from the classes to see what they are doing with their education and see how they got there and see how you feel about what they are doing. Here are some tips on getting information and starting to develop relationships that will help: ## http://www.wikihow.com/Network ## ## https://www.themuse.com/advice/nonawkward-ways-to-start-and-end-networking-conversations ## Perhaps if you can gain some helpful information through such networking you can show to them that it is possible and that you know what is involved and present them with some type of a plan to achieve your desired goal.
Ken Simmons
Im an introvert person and i dont really hve connection. Ive been asking around about design from the design school that i wanna go. But it not just it. I really dont want meds. I hate it so much. Every day it makes me hate it so much it makes me angry. At my self for being too stupid to got in in the first place. Angry at my parents who push me so hard for making me a doctor. I just im tired. I really had enough.
Stephaniep
Sometimes i just want to give my resignation paper and just get out from ny house, move anywhere else where im alone no need to meet my parents or anyone else that keep pushing me and remind me of meds. Move where i can start all over. Myb my parents think they would b embarass if i quit they keep braging me for being a doctor, tell all of their friends. Honestly i dont care any of it.
Stephaniep
Why is my parents so pushing me to do meds only just to bragging me in front of their friends who they didnt see regulary and now i have to suffer like this. Its been 2 yeard in like this, in order to finish it i need 3.5 more years to b a doctor. What am i gonna b next? 2 years already did this to me. And what the next 3.5 years gonna get me? Losing my mind? Conpletely insane?? I hate all of this. I hatemy life.
Stephaniep
Please seek help. Please see a therapist at your local medical clinic. You can get through this. I have been in the same situation, and I survived. Please seek help. I have given you some tools and some suggestions. Now it is your time for you to take action. You are a very worthwhile being with much to offer. Someone is missing out because they do not have your skills and interests and abilities to help them to achieve your goals!!! Also, the world is looking forward to your designs!!! You have a chance to really brighten up the world with your creativity!!!
Ken Simmons
@Stehpaniep: It's hard to work with parents. My parents were the same way and it put a lot of pressure on me. I always felt like I was drowning in expectation. Parents can be challenging to deal with but they want the best for you, just like everyone else here. If you continue to express to them your unhappiness I hope they will understand. Regardless, you as a person are extremely valuable and special and your happiness is extremely important!
Rohun Saxena
<a href="/users/3017/stephanie-pam/">@Stephaniep</a> I've been there. I was so stressed out when I was young about this and I have many friends who faced a lot of the same fears and pressures. We know how you feel. Everyone I know has said "I hate my life" at some time when things were difficult and there was pressure. YOU CAN OVERCOME! You have already done the hardest thing: reaching out to people for help. Ken talks about taking deep breaths, and I think that's important. When the pressure is highest, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Try to stay in control and confident. You are stronger than you know.
Jared Chung, Admin
<a href="/users/3017/stephanie-pam/">@Stephaniep</a> The most important thing is that you are safe and healthy. If at any point you feel that you might be a danger to yourself or others, you need to reach out immediately to a professional in Indonesia with whom you can speak (this could be someone from your school if you want or you might consider Indonesia's hotline 500-454 service). You can do that confidentially, and tell them that you need help. That's VERY important -- we can help you make career decisions, but even more than that we want you to be well.
Jared Chung, Admin
Just another thought. Might you have a relative, father, close friend, or associate that might have some influence on your mother who might be able to help your mother see your side? Hopefully you have an ally that understands. If so who might that be? We have all gone through painful periods, but the steps that we take to cross the bridge to the other side are worth it. Please do not give up. You can get through this. There are people at your school and local medical clinic that are looking forward to the opportunity for you to reach out for their assistance.
Ken Simmons
Thought this might be helpful: ## https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Hd3uWKFKY ##
Ken Simmons
I want to b out from this problem so bad. But u dont know how to open up to my parents about the whole thing. And i havent met my therapist again. Last year i decided to stop the meds on my own. But this depression going back to me again . Sometimes bcause of this i dont even know what i want. Im too afraid to quit,and face dissapointment anger and judgement from everybody. And im suffering by staying.
Stephaniep
And bte thx for all the advice and support. It makes me feel im not that alone.
I know i have to make some change in my life, but i dint know what it is, and i m afraid im taking wrong desicions.
Stephaniep
Please go back to see your therapist. Perhaps your therapist could put you back on your meds to help with the depression and help you to talk to your parents. Is there anyone else that you can think of that you could talk to who might be able to help you to talk to your mother? Best of luck. We can get through this if we use all or the resources at our disposal in including your health care team
Ken Simmons
<a href="/users/3017/stephanie-pam/">@Stephaniep</a> How are you doing today? Have you spoken with your therapist or sought help from anyone you know or trust? If you have not yet, then maybe NOW is a good time to reach out! I wonder if your therapist could help you get back on your meds to feel right again
Jared Chung, Admin
I havent reach my therapist again. She is also my teacher in college, she is quiet busy. Sometimes when i set up a meet with her, it end up she isnt show up. That makes me feel not want to see her again. If i find a new 1 or go to hospital, i dont know i have the money cause the cost is would b expensive. Since she is my teacher i only need to pay the meds.
Stephaniep
I think i dont have anybody to talk too. Ive been distant to my friends lately, and they didnt seem to care about me either. I skip class today. I dont feel like going there today. So i stay home, and no one ask me. Even when i text my friend whether she absent me for today, she said she is already home and dont bring her cell. After i read her text i just had enough. I dont want to talk to her again. I dont reply her again. Why no one care about me.
Stephaniep
We here at Career Village care as do your therapist and he/or her team.. Please ask your therapist or your academic adviser or someone else at the school for a referral and explain that it appears that you need to get an independent opinion from someone whom you are not so closely aligned, please do it There is the possibility that you could be referred to a local clinic that you can go to for help. There may be a reasonable solution of which you are not aware. Be brave and go beyond your comfort level and you may find a surprising solution to your situation. Keep reaching out. Someone is just waiting to help you.
Ken Simmons
I already tried to for so long. Reaching out to people, and somehow they saud im bot in the right mind. That if i quit im gonna regret it. But being stuck like this is not good either. I dont want to live my life suffer in a path that everybody saw as a right path. I want to live my own path and be happy. I almost told my mom, but at the end i didnt, she said she having trouble at work. Lately the income wasnt so good. How can i told her the truth? That switching might b the only choice left. And i dont know about my test 2 days again. Big chance im gonna fail. :"(
Stephaniep
Im just a burden to my family. Im going in medschool thats a lot of money, and now i cant even study. I dont want to. I dont have any motivation to do it without hurting me inside. Everyday i just goin through the daily activities, go to clas, do homework, and study, those things so hard for me. Took me a long time to just finish small HW, bcause evrytime i just feel bad. I really dont want to. And when im actually doin it, im like doing it half heart. Its like something i have to do,back then i still can, but now study seems so hard for me. Not bcause the material , but bcause myb i feel really really hate it.
Stephaniep
What happen if i fail that test? I will have to study more, and i dont think i can do it anymore and then i have to pay to take the reexam, i just its like im in circle of death, that never going to end. Am i like this just bcause my depression? People keep saying that if i quit i might regret it, bcause for godsake medschool is like the best, and when graduate im gonna b a dcotr and also having money. But why? Why i dont want it? Thats what everybody want right? Why i keep see it as a burden? But in my mind, what if i dont quit and i regret it? What if i graduate but only have minimum score to graduate?
Stephaniep
My fault if im having a bad grade bcause i dont study hard. Bad grades, bad job, bad everything is bad. Im like sentence my life to an endless regret and suffer. I want to have a good score, believe me i do. But why is my heart resist so hard to study. How to accept reality and have a good mood so i can study? :""""(
Stephaniep
Maybe this will help: ## https://howtostudyincollege.com/ ##
Ken Simmons
Please do this exercise and let me know the results. ## https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-most-useful-personality-quiz-youll-take-this-week ##
Ken Simmons
This might also help: ## https://www.themuse.com/advice/8-free-ways-to-instantly-boost-your-mood-and-motivation ## let me know if it helps. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Ken Simmons
Felicia G Meadows
School Counselor and Youth Coach at Tomorrow's Future
69
Answers
Washington
Updated
Felicia G’s Answer
I understand how you feel Stephanie! Unfortunately, many parents have plans for their children that have nothing to do with their children's desires. I think you would have had a better chance if you had talked to them during your freshman year. I suggest that you talk to your academic advisor or department chair at the University and share your how you're feeling. There might be an opportunity for you to take design courses while completing your degree. If that's not an option, other than completely dropping out you might just have to stick it out.
In addition to that I would suggest that you talk to one of the counselors at your school. In addition to feeling frustrated it also seems as though you're spiraling into a depressive state. This might be beneficial too because once you share the emotional toll that this is taking on you, your parents might have a change of heart.
I already talk to a psychiatry at my college, she is the one that diagnosed me that i have depression. And she said i should stick with it, bcause lots of students turns out to b like me, they dont want in meds but they stick and now they r happy as a doctor. And after meds they can do everything they want. But i dont know. What if thats not apply to me? My grades are falling. Im scared if i dont pass,or have bad gpa. I also consider to take design class but i somehow dont have the time. I cant imagine my self being a doctor.
Stephaniep
Are your parents aware of your diagnosis? I think if you share everything with them, diagnosis, failing grades, lack of interest, etc they should be more understanding. Maybe they will let you sit out a year until you regroup and gain clarity about how you want to proceed.
I understand that sometimes your courseload is set so you don't have an option to take other electives but I still suggest that you speak to your academic advisor. Maybe if you can sit out for a year you can take some design classes at your community college so that your parents see your interest. I also agree with another comment, check out careers in medicine where you can use design skills...there a plenty!
Felicia G Meadows
No. I dont know how to tell them that i was depress. I talked about getting a gap year, but it wasnt a choice. If i take a year off then when im back i wont b in the same class like my friends are. I talked to them last montg that i want to quit, and take design and they r really mad at me. I dont have academic advisor in mycollege. Bcause my meds major is in a different place with the other major. I really dont like meds, i hate it until i dont want to hear or read or get my self involve in those kond of things. I tried to b far away as possible from meds outside college. Im emotionally tired and drain for all of this.
Stephaniep
Wael Al-Rihawi
Mechanical Engineer I Automotive
1122
Answers
Redford Charter Township, Michigan
Updated
Wael’s Answer
You should sit with your parents and share this hardship with them. You need to tell them about the nights you cried and the depression your the degree is causing. No one is going to solve this problem other than you. Try to talk to them.
I told them last month, but not the depression. It just so hard to tell people around me tht im depress.
Stephaniep
It is good that you know where the problem is; however, you need to share it with people who are close to you to help you resolve it. You have to tell them.
Wael Al-Rihawi
I dont know how. The further i get i feel no one understand me. Im tired fighting it all alone by myself.
Stephaniep
That is why you need to tell the people close to you. At the evening when you are all sitting together say one sentence, "I am depressed and unhappy." It will start the conversation for sure.
Wael Al-Rihawi
I only talked about that with my close friends. I dont tell anyone else, bcause sometimes i feel they hear me bcause they have to, i told some of my friends earlier and i feel after that they avoid me or getting away from me which makes me feel worse. Thats why now i just telling my problem online with some friedns i met online.
Stephaniep
These "friends" are not true friends. You don't leave a friend to suffer alone! Moreover, friends are not closer than family! Tell your family.
Wael Al-Rihawi
Now at college i inly have small talk. They didnt know what heppen to me inside. I tried talk to my cousin. She listen but she never actually ask me how was im doin. I only tell her once bcause im so so dont know whereelse to go.
Stephaniep
When I said family I meant your parents. You need to tell them.
Wael Al-Rihawi
I dont know how. I just feeling angry at everything right now
Stephaniep
Simeon Snow
Risk Assurance
1790
Answers
Houston, Texas
Updated
Simeon’s Answer
Talk with your degree counselor to see what your options are for using the classes that you have taken so far. Focus on graduating as soon as possible and you can usually work your way into a viable career path. It can take years to recover from prolonged mental and emotional anguish. Treat yourself kindly and find the quickest path out.
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