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How can I not be so scared for change?
I am in a strict family where my destiny was sorta written for me and it isn't something I want. I want to make the change, but I am scared to go into college alone and I feel like time is going faster than I am. I feel like I can't catch up. #college #college-advice #student
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5 answers
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Daniel’s Answer
Hi Salay,
The best advice I can give you is to follow your heart and intuition when determining which direction you go in life. If those closest to you love you, they'll want what's best for you, and what's best for you is whatever makes you happy and feel a sense of fulfillment. A lot of individuals are driven towards jobs and careers by money, and end up extremely unhappy whereas others settle for less pay in a role/career that they love and as a result these individuals enjoy much more fulfillment in life. If you're genuinely afraid to go to college, ask yourself if college is the right path for you right now? College is not for everyone, and should not be viewed as a requirement after you finish high school. Take a moment and realize that you have plenty of time to make these decisions, there is no rush to enter college or find a career and instead spend more time on self reflection and introspection... the answers will come to you if you listen to your heart.
Best of luck!
Dan
The best advice I can give you is to follow your heart and intuition when determining which direction you go in life. If those closest to you love you, they'll want what's best for you, and what's best for you is whatever makes you happy and feel a sense of fulfillment. A lot of individuals are driven towards jobs and careers by money, and end up extremely unhappy whereas others settle for less pay in a role/career that they love and as a result these individuals enjoy much more fulfillment in life. If you're genuinely afraid to go to college, ask yourself if college is the right path for you right now? College is not for everyone, and should not be viewed as a requirement after you finish high school. Take a moment and realize that you have plenty of time to make these decisions, there is no rush to enter college or find a career and instead spend more time on self reflection and introspection... the answers will come to you if you listen to your heart.
Best of luck!
Dan
Updated
Gloria’s Answer
Hi Salay,
One thing to consider is that fear and excitement feel somewhat the same. You may need to consider that whenever you feel that sensation, could it be excitement at the prospect of what you might get if you go a different way?
I went to college by myself. It was frightening, but guess what? A lot of people are going to college without family or friends around. Lean into that since you are really not alone, you just need to reach out and make those new connections. You have something in common - you are alone. It can be intimidating to meet new people and yet you will. It is important that you reach out.
The great thing about going to college is that there are a lot of support services there. Between student support services and clubs, you are going to be able to find a community that will help you in whatever way you need. If you are struggling in a subject, you need to reach out to your teacher or student support services to get a tutor or join a study group.
Gloria
One thing to consider is that fear and excitement feel somewhat the same. You may need to consider that whenever you feel that sensation, could it be excitement at the prospect of what you might get if you go a different way?
I went to college by myself. It was frightening, but guess what? A lot of people are going to college without family or friends around. Lean into that since you are really not alone, you just need to reach out and make those new connections. You have something in common - you are alone. It can be intimidating to meet new people and yet you will. It is important that you reach out.
The great thing about going to college is that there are a lot of support services there. Between student support services and clubs, you are going to be able to find a community that will help you in whatever way you need. If you are struggling in a subject, you need to reach out to your teacher or student support services to get a tutor or join a study group.
Gloria
Updated
Salemi’s Answer
Change can be an uncomfortable thing. I would recommend first acknowledging and allowing the discomfort. Accepting that it is difficult could actually help to lessen the intensity you are feeling around it since oftentimes it can be the notion of getting rid of the discomfort that actually makes dealing with change so difficult.
Secondly I would recommend establishing a routine to help create stability for yourself during the time of change. Just because one aspect of your life is changing, it doesn't mean that every part of it needs to. Focus on creating routines within your daily tasks to help calm the effects of change.
Lastly I would recommend to practice small change. Consider small ways you may begin to step outside of your comfort zone. In particular about thinking about the change of going to college, consider how you might make small changes in that direction such as meeting with a college admissions advisor, or visiting a campus that is of interest to you for a tour. This will start to give yourself experience straying away from your normal routines and behaviors. A critical way to reinforce these changes is by rewarding yourself after you've successfully practiced a small change. This will serve as encouragement for you as you continue in your practice.
Secondly I would recommend establishing a routine to help create stability for yourself during the time of change. Just because one aspect of your life is changing, it doesn't mean that every part of it needs to. Focus on creating routines within your daily tasks to help calm the effects of change.
Lastly I would recommend to practice small change. Consider small ways you may begin to step outside of your comfort zone. In particular about thinking about the change of going to college, consider how you might make small changes in that direction such as meeting with a college admissions advisor, or visiting a campus that is of interest to you for a tour. This will start to give yourself experience straying away from your normal routines and behaviors. A critical way to reinforce these changes is by rewarding yourself after you've successfully practiced a small change. This will serve as encouragement for you as you continue in your practice.
Updated
Cosmina’s Answer
Hey Salay,
I am someone who also, at first, did not like change at all. I never pushed myself to do bold things and never pushed myself out of my comfort zone. When I first went to college, I did not know anyone and was scared that I'd be alone. But the best thing you can remember is to take life one day at a time. If you don't know people in college, push yourself out of your comfort zone and say "hi" when walking by! Join clubs and talk to classmates in your classes. It may feel uncomfortable at first talking to a stranger, but it gets easier!
When it comes to having your destiny written for you, that should ultimately be up for you to decide. You can follow your journey and what you want to make out of your life, or you can listen to your family. I hope that if you choose a different destiny, your family will support you for who you are and support your interests. College is scary at first especially being alone, but I promise to push yourself out of your comfort zone by saying hi to new people has been the best thing ever.
Freshman year, I went up to a girl and asked to sit by her at lunch, and it was the best decision I ever made because we have been friends ever since. I know time may feel like it's going faster than you are, but you can always rely on school or college teachers to help you throughout life. You can ask them anything. It doesn't even have to be school-related! Finding a mentor in college or a trusted adult can also be a great thing :). Just take a deep breath and take life one day at a time.
I recently moved to a new city 12 hours from home and did not know anyone. It was very stressful because, at times, I felt lonely and didn't like all the change. But three weeks later, I am sitting here and am so glad I took that leap of faith tackling the change that was about to happen in my life, and it has been the best thing ever. I have met so many new people, so just be yourself and put yourself out there! I know you got this!
I am someone who also, at first, did not like change at all. I never pushed myself to do bold things and never pushed myself out of my comfort zone. When I first went to college, I did not know anyone and was scared that I'd be alone. But the best thing you can remember is to take life one day at a time. If you don't know people in college, push yourself out of your comfort zone and say "hi" when walking by! Join clubs and talk to classmates in your classes. It may feel uncomfortable at first talking to a stranger, but it gets easier!
When it comes to having your destiny written for you, that should ultimately be up for you to decide. You can follow your journey and what you want to make out of your life, or you can listen to your family. I hope that if you choose a different destiny, your family will support you for who you are and support your interests. College is scary at first especially being alone, but I promise to push yourself out of your comfort zone by saying hi to new people has been the best thing ever.
Freshman year, I went up to a girl and asked to sit by her at lunch, and it was the best decision I ever made because we have been friends ever since. I know time may feel like it's going faster than you are, but you can always rely on school or college teachers to help you throughout life. You can ask them anything. It doesn't even have to be school-related! Finding a mentor in college or a trusted adult can also be a great thing :). Just take a deep breath and take life one day at a time.
I recently moved to a new city 12 hours from home and did not know anyone. It was very stressful because, at times, I felt lonely and didn't like all the change. But three weeks later, I am sitting here and am so glad I took that leap of faith tackling the change that was about to happen in my life, and it has been the best thing ever. I have met so many new people, so just be yourself and put yourself out there! I know you got this!
Updated
Brigid’s Answer
Dear Salay,
Nice to meet you on careervillage.org. Thank you for your question which we can all relate to. Embracing change can be wonderfully empowering, but very scary to get going. I recommend that you be kind to yourself and make small changes one by one as the small changes, over time, can add up to big changes in your life.
Here are some links to free TED talks on change which I hope will be helpful:
https://www.ted.com/talks/marco_marsans_embracing_change
https://www.ted.com/talks/manu_shahi_how_changing_your_mindset_can_help_you_embrace_change
https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_jones_how_adaptability_will_help_you_deal_with_change
Good luck in your journey, and remember to celebrate each time that you successfully push yourself outside of your comfort zone - that is an achievement, and you will be stronger and more resilient after each one.
Nice to meet you on careervillage.org. Thank you for your question which we can all relate to. Embracing change can be wonderfully empowering, but very scary to get going. I recommend that you be kind to yourself and make small changes one by one as the small changes, over time, can add up to big changes in your life.
Here are some links to free TED talks on change which I hope will be helpful:
https://www.ted.com/talks/marco_marsans_embracing_change
https://www.ted.com/talks/manu_shahi_how_changing_your_mindset_can_help_you_embrace_change
https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_jones_how_adaptability_will_help_you_deal_with_change
Good luck in your journey, and remember to celebrate each time that you successfully push yourself outside of your comfort zone - that is an achievement, and you will be stronger and more resilient after each one.