5 answers
Annabelle
Student
Shoreview, MN
1
Question
Asked
443 views
Why do I hate myself?
Why do i hate myself? Like what did i do to deserve this hate? Honestly I only do stuff for attention and things, but really the only hate i get is from myself, it might be sad, is it?
5 answers
Gurpreet Lally
CareerVillage.org TeamSr. Community Manager at CareerVillage
86
Answers
Austin, Texas
Updated
Gurpreet’s Answer, CareerVillage.org Team
Hi Anabelle,
Thank you for sharing this question. Being vulnerable is hard and it takes courage to reach out. A little different, but I struggle with intrusive thoughts and have the tendency to spiral with negative thoughts. First off, I want you to know that you don't deserve the hate you are giving yourself. You are worthy of love and compassion. I'd like to share some things that have helped me in the past.
1. Take a step back. When I start ruminating on negative self-talk (ex: I hate myself, I will never be happy, etc.), I like to pause and ask myself if these things are even true. Oftentimes, when the brain gets into the pattern of these types of thoughts, it will spit out all sorts of things, but if you take a moment and address them, sometimes they aren't even true! For instance, of course, you will be happy again! Of course, I am loved! Whenever I take a step back, I realize that my brain is just being silly.
2. Ask yourself if you would say this to a friend. If you wouldn't give this hate towards a friend, you don't deserve it either. I think a good way to start having more positive thoughts about yourself is to talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Show up with compassion, love, and openness.
3. Get your mind off of it. Sometimes, you just need to focus on something else in order to snap out of the negative thoughts. For me, this can be embroidering or doing a crossword. Basically, any activity that forces my brain to really focus.
4. When you're having a good day, and the negative thoughts aren't popping up, sit down and write a list of things you love about yourself. Maybe ask family and friends to help you write this list. Then, when you're having a difficult day, and the self-hate takes over, look at that list. Remind yourself that you do have amazing qualities and that you should be proud of them. This helps me break out of the thoughts and brings me back to reality.
These are just some suggestions of things that have worked for me, and hopefully, some of them can work for you. If you ever feel the need to talk with someone and don't want to confide in your loved ones, I'd suggest the Crisis Textline. It's available 24/7, and it's all done through text, so there is no pressure to talk to someone over the phone (unless that's what you would prefer, of course). I've volunteered with them and used their services and it's been helpful for short-term support!
I'm sending lots of love and positive energy your way
Thank you for sharing this question. Being vulnerable is hard and it takes courage to reach out. A little different, but I struggle with intrusive thoughts and have the tendency to spiral with negative thoughts. First off, I want you to know that you don't deserve the hate you are giving yourself. You are worthy of love and compassion. I'd like to share some things that have helped me in the past.
1. Take a step back. When I start ruminating on negative self-talk (ex: I hate myself, I will never be happy, etc.), I like to pause and ask myself if these things are even true. Oftentimes, when the brain gets into the pattern of these types of thoughts, it will spit out all sorts of things, but if you take a moment and address them, sometimes they aren't even true! For instance, of course, you will be happy again! Of course, I am loved! Whenever I take a step back, I realize that my brain is just being silly.
2. Ask yourself if you would say this to a friend. If you wouldn't give this hate towards a friend, you don't deserve it either. I think a good way to start having more positive thoughts about yourself is to talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Show up with compassion, love, and openness.
3. Get your mind off of it. Sometimes, you just need to focus on something else in order to snap out of the negative thoughts. For me, this can be embroidering or doing a crossword. Basically, any activity that forces my brain to really focus.
4. When you're having a good day, and the negative thoughts aren't popping up, sit down and write a list of things you love about yourself. Maybe ask family and friends to help you write this list. Then, when you're having a difficult day, and the self-hate takes over, look at that list. Remind yourself that you do have amazing qualities and that you should be proud of them. This helps me break out of the thoughts and brings me back to reality.
These are just some suggestions of things that have worked for me, and hopefully, some of them can work for you. If you ever feel the need to talk with someone and don't want to confide in your loved ones, I'd suggest the Crisis Textline. It's available 24/7, and it's all done through text, so there is no pressure to talk to someone over the phone (unless that's what you would prefer, of course). I've volunteered with them and used their services and it's been helpful for short-term support!
I'm sending lots of love and positive energy your way
This was super helpful, thank you!
Annabelle
Alessia Lombardo
Sales
5
Answers
Milan, Lombardy, Italy
Updated
Alessia’s Answer
Hey Annabelle! First off, remember that you're not alone in feeling this way. Most people have felt some kind of self-doubt or struggled with self-love at some point in their lives. I understand that you might be seeking attention because you lack self-confidence. That's totally normal, but let's focus on building up your confidence instead.
Start by figuring out what's causing these negative feelings. Is it something about your appearance, the way you speak or what you say, or even how you dress? Identifying the root cause will help you address it. If you can't pinpoint a specific reason, it might just be a general feeling that can be overcome with time, patience, and self-compassion.
If something specific is bothering you, ask yourself how you can change or improve it to feel better. Remember, being clear with yourself and setting achievable goals can make a huge difference in how you feel. And on days when you're feeling down, it's important to remember that we all have bad days, but they pass just as they come.
If these feelings persist and you can't find a specific cause, consider talking to a friend, professor, or mentor. They might be able to offer fresh advice and a new perspective on your situation. Remember, you're unique, and your individuality is what makes you special. Focus on becoming a better person every day, and don't dwell on the negative thoughts.
You might find solace in a song by Lizzo called "Special." In it, she sings:
In case nobody told you today
You're special
In case nobody made you believe
You're special
Well, I will always love you the same
You're special
I'm so glad that you're still with us
Broken but, you are still perfect
This is a powerful reminder that you're not alone and that you're valued and special just the way you are. So, keep working on yourself, Annabelle! Don't give up, and focus on your journey of self-love.
Wishing you all the best,
Alessia
Start by figuring out what's causing these negative feelings. Is it something about your appearance, the way you speak or what you say, or even how you dress? Identifying the root cause will help you address it. If you can't pinpoint a specific reason, it might just be a general feeling that can be overcome with time, patience, and self-compassion.
If something specific is bothering you, ask yourself how you can change or improve it to feel better. Remember, being clear with yourself and setting achievable goals can make a huge difference in how you feel. And on days when you're feeling down, it's important to remember that we all have bad days, but they pass just as they come.
If these feelings persist and you can't find a specific cause, consider talking to a friend, professor, or mentor. They might be able to offer fresh advice and a new perspective on your situation. Remember, you're unique, and your individuality is what makes you special. Focus on becoming a better person every day, and don't dwell on the negative thoughts.
You might find solace in a song by Lizzo called "Special." In it, she sings:
In case nobody told you today
You're special
In case nobody made you believe
You're special
Well, I will always love you the same
You're special
I'm so glad that you're still with us
Broken but, you are still perfect
This is a powerful reminder that you're not alone and that you're valued and special just the way you are. So, keep working on yourself, Annabelle! Don't give up, and focus on your journey of self-love.
Wishing you all the best,
Alessia
I appreciate you taking the time to answer this.
Annabelle
Maeve Cannon
CareerVillage.org TeamPartnerships Manager
47
Answers
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Updated
Maeve’s Answer, CareerVillage.org Team
Hi Annabella,
You are not alone in this feeling!! Thank you for sharing with us and being honest about what you're experiencing. You've already made great strides by 1) recognizing that you are being hard on yourself, 2) identifying this as a problem that you want to fix 3) turning to a resource to take the first step to getting help. Even if it doesn't feel like it-- you are already making progress!
I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through, but I can relate to the fact that I am unfair to myself. I analyze most things that I say and do in such a negative light and hold myself to a standard that I would never hold anyone else to. It can be exhausting, and the more I get caught up in negative self-talk, the more I start to believe that I am actually doing something wrong. I get stuck in a pattern of thinking that is far from reality.
Luckily, there are ways to get your brain out of these patterns! It takes time and commitment, but you can do it.
Here are some things to try:
1. Here are some videos made by Headspace that I find helpful! A lot of their videos help you to understand that negative thoughts about yourself or others are normal, you don’t need to stop them but rather reframe how you react to them or the weight/power you give them. There are a lot of free videos on their youtube channel that you can check out too!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7u5N2MfTNU
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjI9v-VYwZY
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUcC71-W9Os
2. Practice the techniques shared in these videos to change your reactions to negative thoughts.
3. Remind yourself that you are not your thoughts. Just because you thought it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Let bad thoughts come and go and refocus on the present moment.
4. If you have someone in your life who you trust, open up to them about what’s going on. It can be scary to be honest about what’s going on in your head, but once you do, you’ll realize you’re just like everyone else and so many other people are going through what you are!
You are not alone in this feeling!! Thank you for sharing with us and being honest about what you're experiencing. You've already made great strides by 1) recognizing that you are being hard on yourself, 2) identifying this as a problem that you want to fix 3) turning to a resource to take the first step to getting help. Even if it doesn't feel like it-- you are already making progress!
I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through, but I can relate to the fact that I am unfair to myself. I analyze most things that I say and do in such a negative light and hold myself to a standard that I would never hold anyone else to. It can be exhausting, and the more I get caught up in negative self-talk, the more I start to believe that I am actually doing something wrong. I get stuck in a pattern of thinking that is far from reality.
Luckily, there are ways to get your brain out of these patterns! It takes time and commitment, but you can do it.
Here are some things to try:
1. Here are some videos made by Headspace that I find helpful! A lot of their videos help you to understand that negative thoughts about yourself or others are normal, you don’t need to stop them but rather reframe how you react to them or the weight/power you give them. There are a lot of free videos on their youtube channel that you can check out too!
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7u5N2MfTNU
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjI9v-VYwZY
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUcC71-W9Os
2. Practice the techniques shared in these videos to change your reactions to negative thoughts.
3. Remind yourself that you are not your thoughts. Just because you thought it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Let bad thoughts come and go and refocus on the present moment.
4. If you have someone in your life who you trust, open up to them about what’s going on. It can be scary to be honest about what’s going on in your head, but once you do, you’ll realize you’re just like everyone else and so many other people are going through what you are!
Rhiana Jones
22
Answers
Updated
Rhiana’s Answer
I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing feelings of self-hate. It's important to remember that everyone struggles with negative self-talk at times, and it's normal to feel this way. However, it's important to address these feelings and find ways to overcome them.
It's not productive or healthy to berate yourself or to engage in self-destructive behaviors for the sake of attention or validation from others. It's important to cultivate self-love and self-compassion, and to focus on your own needs and goals rather than seeking external validation.
One way to start addressing feelings of self-hate is to practice self-care and self-compassion. This can include things like taking care of your physical health, engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and surrounding yourself with positive influences. It can also involve talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
It's important to remember that you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of your perceived flaws or mistakes. With time and effort, you can learn to reframe your negative self-talk and cultivate a more positive and compassionate mindset.
It's not productive or healthy to berate yourself or to engage in self-destructive behaviors for the sake of attention or validation from others. It's important to cultivate self-love and self-compassion, and to focus on your own needs and goals rather than seeking external validation.
One way to start addressing feelings of self-hate is to practice self-care and self-compassion. This can include things like taking care of your physical health, engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and surrounding yourself with positive influences. It can also involve talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
It's important to remember that you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of your perceived flaws or mistakes. With time and effort, you can learn to reframe your negative self-talk and cultivate a more positive and compassionate mindset.
Thank you, this is amazing! I really needed it.
Annabelle
Marie Enos MSN, BSN, RN-NIC
RN
71
Answers
Huntsville, Alabama
Updated
Marie’s Answer
Please call 988? Anyone in need of crisis support for themselves or someone else should call 988. These people can help you answer those questions. Or call
The Samaritans HelpLine – 1-877-870-4673. Let them help you and help you answer all of these people help with your problems and concerns
The Samaritans HelpLine – 1-877-870-4673. Let them help you and help you answer all of these people help with your problems and concerns
Thank you for the advice, Marie.
Annabelle
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