How do you deal with people who tell you that you can't do this job/career?

As a woman, I've never been told flat out that I couldn't do a job or career, but I've certainly experienced thinly veiled hints before. As a female in a male dominated field, the biggest pieces of advice I can give you is figure out what is acceptable, find a role model to help you, and find your inner fire.

Determine where you draw the line. As a consultant I've worked in a number of different places around the country that are drastically different in the way they view women. In some cities, I get called sweetheart, dearie, and darling while in others, men don't hold the door open for me. I've found that I can deal with the pet names in most places, but can't stand being treated like a secretary or event planner just because the guys have decided I'm "the girl on the team." Each person has their own line. If that line is crossed, HR or your superiors should be able to help. Sometime it is just voicing that their behavior is not appropriate and that you don't appreciate it. In today's culture with the strong women empowerment movements, that is usually enough. If not, you have the choice to accept what is going on or reach out. Talk to HR, another woman, or even another man that you trust.

Find a role model. Behind most strong women and female leaders, there is another strong woman who helped them along the way. They are the ones that inspire, mentor, and provide the support that is vital in finding your way in life. I try and surround myself with strong women both within my company and externally. They are part of the "board of directors" of my life. I created a network of people I admire and want me to succeed. They are who I ask advice from and always think about before making a big decision.

The last piece of advice is to find your inner fire. Without drive, passion, and confidence, you might listen to the people who tell you that you can't hack it. I have a poem that I repeat to myself every time I start feeling like I can't do something or when I start listening to the naysayers around me. It is called Invictus and was written by William Ernest Henley in 1875 after his leg was amputated. My favorite line is in the first stanza, "I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul." The poem goes on to basically say that as life beat the author down, he still charged on. That he, not anyone else, fate, or chance was in charge of his life. I memorized it in high school and it has carried me ever since. Find your own mantra, poem, or aspiration quote that speaks to you. Find something that will resonate in your mind and block out all the negative comments and actions around you.

I love the prior comments, and I think I agree that you need a mentor (or three) to help you navigate this silliness.

I'll tell you a short story - I was a consultant back in 2000, and was on a large project with about 80 other people. We were all friendly, and enjoyed having dinner together and going out. One of the people in our group was Arab-American, and spoke with an accent. We loved him, but the city where the client was located was very homogeneous and had no interest in engaging with him. We went to a club one night, where the bouncer admitted all of us, except for our friend. We all simply walked out.

My point here is that you'll find many people who have limited time and patience with this type of mindset or behavior. Befriend them. If these other detractors are in your life, then simply tell them that you'll agree to disagree with them, and change the subject. Less is more.