Stephen
How to be more social in college
I'm just asking this because I don't know how to outside of obvious reasons. I tried joining a Fraternity but it got too serious too fast. I also have Epilepsy which forbids me from alcohol and other substances. How do I manage to make and keep friends in college when all I find fare people into that sort of thing?
#social #college-advice
6 answers
Michelle Park Senyard
Michelle’s Answer
I have experience being new to colleges as I transferred between 3 different schools, so I totally understand that finding new social groups can be a challenge.
I agree with the first two answers that finding a club or a group activity (volunteering, part-time job on campus, activism, etc.) that fits your interests will be really valuable! Honestly, even if you are curious about a particular topic and don't necessarily have a lot of experience in that activity, you could still sign up for a group (for example, you may not have any experience in cooking, but you could join a cooking group just to meet different people that can teach you something new).
I was in a sorority for one semester and although it seemed like a quick way to make friends, it didn't feel like the best fit for me either. However, I joined a club on my college campus and I ended up forming some of my closest friendships, all of whom I still hang out with and talk to regularly today. Drinking alcohol isn't something you need to base your friendships on. In fact, creating your friendships without depending on alcohol is a lot more rewarding for your college experience.
I also agree that if you can challenge yourself to do just one bold action a week (you can even write it down), such as introducing yourself to someone in your classes/dorm, or signing up for a club, it can lead to a lot of other doors and potential long-term friendships.
Michelle recommends the following next steps:
Jacob Schwarber, CPA
Jacob’s Answer
Hi, Stephen,
That's a great question and probably a challenge that a lot of your peers are experiencing too. College is a unique experience in that it offers an overwhelming number of extracurricular activities. The best place to start is to look for clubs or activities that you're interested in. If you think you might want to do some financial planning, join the investment club. Want to give back to the community in some way? Find an organization on campus with which to volunteer. Do you like giving advice to prospective students? Try to get involved in the admissions office. Choosing things that you're interested in will naturally link you to people with similar interests and goals. Starting new things is never easy but it's a big part of making the most out of your college experience.
I am not a particularly extroverted person, but I did some things outside of my comfort zone during college and I think they paid off. You don't have to start with any radical changes. You may consider trying a very simple exercise: every day, try to talk to at least one person you don't know. You don't have to get the person's life story, just exchange some pleasantries. You never know who you might meet or where that conversation could take you.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Kevin P Hust, MBA
Kevin P’s Answer
My friends never gave me any grief and People that didn’t know me couldn’t really tell. It helped that I love club soda.
The thing I learned I enjoyed their company and not the hang over the next morning. After a while I offered to drive and they typically paid for my meal. I never expected it but it was nice of them.
I encourage you to still go to the bar. The scene is more full of folks not drinking than you imagine. If they do pressure you into drinking or give you a hard time then they aren’t friends. They are bullies.
I’m in the military and cannot smoke pot. I have a whole side that smoke regularly. It never impacted us hanging out. So instead of you feeling like you need to fit in, I think they just need to be a little more understanding. That will go a long way. So be kind to yourself and don’t feel like you need to do anything different. Especially as you get older. The conversation is the same and when it crosses a line of them being too drunk, they might be lucky to have you there.
Enjoy the club soda.
cassandra Harris
cassandra’s Answer
Thank you for reaching out and know that not one thing works for everyone. I myself am in college and I have a hard time fitting in. This is what I have done and it works for me:
Find people in your area with similar interests. Do you play guitar? Maybe you should check out an open mic night or the musician’s classifieds. It’ll be easier to expand your social circle with people who share your passion. People who like similar things as you are easier to get to know. Try socializing more of these people, whoever they are, because they might have a similar sensitivity etc.
You can reach out to your college advisor and ask for a list of local clubs and find one that works for you.
Hope this helps!
Lehua Pagett
Lehua’s Answer
