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Any advice on how to successfully complete college being a single mom?

I recently just found out that I'm expecting, and I'm only 18 years old. Right now I'm in my second semester of college, but my baby is due in September which will be the first semester of my sophomore year. I want to be a Veterinarian which means I have a long way to go until I'm completely done with schooling. My current major is Biology, and its already hard enough with an unborn child. Is there anybody who has been in my shoes or that can give me advice on how to succeed? #singlemom #teenmom #veterinary-medicine #veterinarian #biology #women-in-stem #stem #college-advice

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Subject: Career question for you

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Shelley’s Answer

Congratulations!


I would reach out to your college counselor for advice on what support that the college may have for students who are parents.


If you have an Education Department on campus, there may be the option for lower cost childcare on campus.


You may also look into health resources on campus. If you have a health fee as part of your tuition, you can look into what health services that they offer and whether it covers pre-natal care. If not, Planned Parenthood is a good resource for sliding-scale pre-natal care if there is one in your area. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/prenatal-care


You may also look into whether there is a an on-campus mental health office. They may also be able to help you find resources for support.


Best wishes!

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Melanie’s Answer

Hello, Rayonna!

Congratulations to you on your pregnancy! Being a single mom in college can be hard, but I hope you will be able to find resources to support you and your baby. One option is to try to take as many classes as you can now and then have the opportunity to take fewer hours at a time after the baby is born. Have you looked into taking any of your courses online? This may not be possible for very specific veterinarian classes, but it should be possible for some of your earlier basic courses in Math, English, History, or even many electives. Many colleges now offer online options and maybe you can speak to your academic advisor about creating a blended course load. Best wishes!
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Kristi’s Answer

The key to surviving as a mom (whether single or not) if using your village. You will need to lean on family and friends to help, especially as a single mom. As for college, you can continue working on your degree by taking online courses, or having someone help watch your baby while you attend in person. Completing your college degree will be one the best things you can do and you now have even more reason to stick with it. Be sure to give yourself grace.
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Allison’s Answer

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 


Going to college with a baby is going to be challenging in a lot of ways, but it is definitely do-able.  I did it myself and I am so glad I did!  The experience will be far different for you with a baby, for sure.... but in many ways having that baby in your life will open doors to the best parts of life!   It is hard, but it is worth it.   (And, it isn't as hard as you might think...)... Here are some of my thoughts / experiences...


The hard stuff:

  1. Socially, it will be tough because you will want to do things that your peers are doing, but with a baby you will have to miss out on a lot of that. It will bum you out at times, but I promise you (seriously) you are not really missing that much and you are actually learning some lessons that will make you an AMAZING adult. 
  2. Money will be difficult at times.  Kids are expensive.  Diapers are killer!  Before you choose your school, check out what support they have on campus for students who are parents.  You might just hit the jackpot here!  Even in the 1990s I was able to find a community college that offered free child care while I was taking classes, and then seriously reduced rates at other times.  Also check out boys and girls clubs for when your baby gets older - the cost for day care during the summers while kids are out is extremely cheap!!!!  It is really unbelievable!  Try checking with local community groups and churches, call united way (I believe the universal phone number is 211).... DO NOT BE TOO PROUD TO ACCEPT HELP!
  3. The school work.  It is going to be tough to do  the work and have a baby in tow.  It just is.  But this is one of those experiences that will make you a super sharp, valuable employee.  Your ability to operate under pressure, clear your plate when it is over flowing, and stay calm will be true god-sends for you later.  To get through it, consider ALSO taking advantage of support groups at your school, free psychological care (many schools have this) and join MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)... those groups are FILLED with people who can help, provide advice, etc.  You will NOT feel so alone if you find people in a similar situation.

THE GOOD STUFF!

  1. Look what you will have accomplished by the time you are 22!  You will have a child starting kindergarten, you will have your degree part way or completely finished, and you will be a well-practiced manager of time.  All of these things are very worthy of discussion in an interview.  When I am looking for folks, I am looking for those who have drive, who exhibit a sense of personal responsibility, those who know what their priorities are (explaining that you took a break or a part time load because you wanted to spend time with your infant is perfect!).  Ultimately employers want to hire good people who will work hard and demonstrate integrity.  So live your life that way and you will have lots to brag about.
  2. The road will be tough, but when you are a little older and you see others who are scared and struggling and feeling like they just cannot do it, you can help them see how they can.  You will be that inspiration you are looking for  today.  IT IS DO-ABLE.  There is always a way.  No matter what obstacle you hit or what you need, things have a way of working out if you stay true to yourself, stay open to accepting help, and trust that you will be provided with what you need.  I know that feels a little "mystical", but having been here, I cannot tell you the number of miracles I experienced! 
  3. You will make some life-long friends.  You may not have the "party" experience some people seek in college, but you will have a rich experience.  You are going to get RIGHT to the good stuff, and that is awesome.





Allison recommends the following next steps:

Compare the support systems available at local colleges and universities (include community colleges!)... look up info on child care, health care, mental health, and social networks for student parents.
Take stock of your personal support network. Who can you count on for help so you can get your school work done? Family? Church? Friends? Consider joining parenting groups like MOPS. Check out meetup.com for young parents. As a young parent myself I felt somewhat isolated and out of touch because I was so much younger than the fellow moms at my son's school. I wish I would have taken these steps!!
Make self-care important. Take time for you. Make sure you take care of your health. Find time to take bubble baths or go for relaxing walks. Develop some good habits that allow you some space. You will have times when you get overwhelmed and frustrated. Identify habits now that will allow you some peace and quiet.
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Richard’s Answer

Treat school like a job. Get up early, get to work and when your work is done at the end of the day you can take care of your family duties.

If you can live near family who will help you out with childcare you can keep expenses down and hopefully graduate without too much debt.
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Rachel’s Answer

First of all, congratulations. Family and school is doable. Having a baby will make it harder in some ways, but also will greatly enhance your life. It's a balance. Attending classes at a community college, choosing a state school, and applying to all scholarships available can minimize cost. You'll be relying on your family and friends a lot for childcare, so maintain good relationships.
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