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How do I begin going out on my own when I have absolutely no friends?

As someone who has no friends, I feel ashamed of going out. I know it sounds weird, but it is what it is. It's not that I don't want to have fun and meet people, but I am afraid. I hate that I don't really have friends.

I think learning these skills will help me develop soft skills such as communication and confidence, which will help me from a career perspective.

life spring24 social communication friends confidence self-improvement anxiety self-esteem selfcare goingout
Thank you comment icon Don't feel ashamed and try not to say "it is what it is". That term is for things that are not in your control. You are definitely in control of yourself. Find people that have similar interests/likes. I like using Meetup, it has something for everyone. Just remember that whatever your going through or feeling, it's temporary. Growing up I didn't have many friends, but now, I have a ton. Bruno B
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Caitlin’s Answer

Hello Pearl,

I totally understand how tough it can be to feel alone, and I've been there myself. One thing that really made a difference for me was finding an organization that matched my interests. It could be anything you love - an art club, a book club, a sports team, or even a non-profit. There's a whole world of options out there! Building relationships might take a bit of time, but the more you put yourself out there, the more chances you'll get to meet and bond with new people. Remember, you deserve all the good things in life and you'll surely find your special place in the world!
Thank you comment icon I am really grateful you took the time to answer this question. Pearl
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Margaret’s Answer

If you're someone who lacks social experience or feels unsure about how to approach conversations, joining a gym, book club, dance class, sewing class, or any other hobby can be a fantastic way to get out and meet people who share the same interests as you. Engaging in activities that you enjoy provides you with a natural conversation starter and something to talk about. Having common ground with others can serve as an ice breaker, making it easier to initiate conversations and build connections. By participating in these activities, you'll not only have the opportunity to meet like-minded individuals but also have a shared passion to bond over. So take that leap and explore new hobbies – you never know who you might meet and the friendships you can forge along the way.
Thank you comment icon Thank you this is very helpful. You provided "the where to start from". I am thinking of going to public Library .☺ Pearl
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Lori’s Answer

There's a wealth of excellent suggestions here. Taking part in a club or activity that sparks your interest or something you've always wanted to try is a fantastic way to pave the way to new friendships.

Prayer, meditation, and self-awareness are truly vital for a balanced life and can be implemented in every corner of our existence. Question yourself about why you feel you haven't found the right friends yet. Then, be prepared to make a change. Picture yourself moving forward, embracing who you are, valuing yourself, in tune with your inner being and the Divine, attracting positive and significant relationships.

Pearl, you are undeniably amazing! Have faith in yourself. Don't let fear hold you back.

"Fear is the mind killer. I will let fear pass through me" - Dune.
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James Constantine’s Answer

Dear Pearl,

It usually hinges upon what you can do for people! Offering them favors and the like because people are just human. They like to be looked after by a special person. It makes them feel very important. If they feel that the level of care or favors is insufficient for their demands then they relinquish the relationship.

So if you have a car it is convenient to give your friends a lift, doing favors for them. Try to recognize the sort of people who will stick beside you even when there is no car, or money. That special person.

They like you for just being you, your mannerisms, your remarks, your jokes and your sense of humor. That constitutes a suitable friend.

Us as humans need to have a spiritual guidepost to steer our proverbial ship by. That may be Jesus Christ as it is for me.

Get involved with helping people just for the sake of it. Some people experience continual anxiety and depression. It is important to get people out of that mindset, to get them looking forward to an important meeting.

Surely having dinner at Elon Musk's Los Angeles mansion would be one such rendez-vous. Certainly meeting God or Jesus Christ would have to rank 10/10 on the Likert Scale. I hear it happens with regularity in Near-Death-Experiences.

There is a great deal of interaction that is possible with Godly Spiritual Entities chasing away evil. You are allowed to pray. You are allowed to do good. Ask your Guardian Angel to Bring Friends. Accept God's Blessings to you. Be the one who catalyses the greater good. We call them 'ANGELS OF GOD.'

GOD BLESS YOU!
JC.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for sharing your perspective. Pearl
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Rafael’s Answer

Hi Pearl! Don't be too hard on yourself. Starting to go out on your own can feel intimidating, especially without friends, but it's important to remember that everyone starts somewhere. Begin by exploring activities or hobbies that interest you, join clubs or classes, volunteer, or engage in online communities. Be open to new experiences, be patient with yourself, and remember that building friendships takes time. Take small steps, be genuine, and you'll increase your chances of meeting people who appreciate you for who you are. You've got this!
Thank you comment icon I appreciate your support, Rafael Pearl
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Richard’s Answer

Dear Pearl,

I want to start by saying that it's perfectly okay to relish your own company. Some of the most unforgettable moments in my life have been solitary escapades. Especially traveling alone can be an enriching experience, as it provides you the freedom to indulge in your own interests without the need to accommodate others' desires.

However, I am slightly worried about your restricted social interactions and the apparent fears and anxieties that seem to be fueling this scenario. I strongly suggest you seek help to address these issues. You could turn to a professional therapist, a school counselor, or even a trusted friend. It's important to tackle these challenges as they can negatively affect your overall happiness. Remember, nobody should have to endure the weight of overpowering thoughts and feelings.

When it comes to broadening your social network, it's vital to venture beyond your comfort zone and let others see the authentic you. While it's unrealistic to win everyone over, it's crucial to engage and open up to people. Begin by taking part in activities that you love where you can encounter individuals with similar interests. If you meet someone you'd like to become friends with, that's great, but it shouldn't be your main goal. A good way to initiate conversations with new people is by giving sincere compliments. However, to establish deeper relationships, discovering shared interests is essential.

I wish you all the best in your upcoming endeavors. I hope you'll make some great friends, but don't let your present situation prevent you from fully experiencing life. The world is a vibrant and thrilling place, and it would be regrettable if you missed out on what it has to offer.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for your concern and advice.☺ I am actually seeing a therapist. And he suggested me to go out. He provided guidance but I am still afraid that's why I shared this. Pearl
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Dr. Tulsi’s Answer

Hey Pearl,

I understand how daunting it can feel to go out into the world without a familiar face by your side. But trust me, you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people have been in your shoes and have found their way to new friendships and connections.

Firstly, give yourself credit for acknowledging how you feel and for being open to seeking advice. That's a brave step in itself. Now, let's focus on some comforting strategies to help you ease into this new journey:

Start Small:
Begin by exploring places that feel comfortable to you, like a nearby café or a peaceful park. These environments can provide a sense of security as you begin to venture out on your own.

Pursue Your Passions:
Think about activities or hobbies that bring you joy. Whether it's reading, painting, or hiking, engaging in activities you love can naturally lead you to places where you might meet like-minded individuals.

Join Groups or Clubs:
Look for local clubs or groups that align with your interests. Whether it's a book club, a photography class, or a community sports team, these gatherings offer opportunities to meet new people in a relaxed setting.

Online Communities:
Don't underestimate the power of online communities and social media platforms. You can connect with individuals who share your interests, participate in discussions, and even attend virtual events from the comfort of your home.

Be Patient with Yourself:
Remember, building friendships takes time. It's okay to feel hesitant or unsure at first. Give yourself permission to take things at your own pace and celebrate each step forward, no matter how small.

Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself throughout this process. It's natural to experience moments of doubt or loneliness but remind yourself that you're worthy of connection and belonging. You're taking brave steps to expand your social circle, and that's something to be proud of.

Ultimately, know that it's okay to feel nervous about stepping out on your own. Change and growth often come with a mix of emotions, and that's completely normal. Just remember to be gentle with yourself, stay open to new experiences, and trust that with time, you'll find your place in the world.
Thank you comment icon I'm excited to put your great advice to good use! Pearl
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Gina’s Answer

Hey Pearl,
I hope you are doing great! Please know that you're not alone and even though it might be scary just remember that you're number one best friend is yourself.
It's completely understandable to feel hesitant or anxious about going out on your own when you don't have friends. However, it's important to remember that everyone starts somewhere, and building new connections and friendships is a process that takes time and effort. Here are some suggestions to help you begin going out on your own and potentially meet new people:

1. Start with small steps: Begin by engaging in activities that you enjoy and feel comfortable doing alone. This could include going for walks in a park, visiting a museum, attending a local event or workshop, or joining a club or group centered around a hobby or interest.

2. Be open to new experiences: Embrace opportunities to try new things and step out of your comfort zone. This can help you discover new interests and meet people who share similar passions.

3. Volunteer or join community organizations: Consider volunteering for a cause you care about or joining community organizations. This can provide a sense of purpose, allow you to meet like-minded individuals, and create opportunities for social interaction.

4. Attend social events or classes: Look for social events, classes, or workshops in your area that align with your interests. This could include art classes, cooking workshops, book clubs, or sports activities. These settings often provide opportunities to meet new people with similar interests.

5. Utilize online platforms: Explore online platforms and communities that cater to your interests. This can be a great way to connect with people virtually and potentially transition to in-person meetups or events.

6. Be open and approachable: When you're out and about, try to be open and approachable. Smile, make eye contact, and engage in friendly conversations with people you encounter. You never know when a casual conversation could lead to a new friendship.

7. Seek professional help if needed: If your feelings of shame or anxiety about not having friends are overwhelming, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and help you work through these emotions.

Remember, building friendships takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and focus on enjoying the activities you engage in. Over time, you may find that you naturally connect with people who share your interests and values.
Thank you comment icon Thank you, Gina! Pearl
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Maira’s Answer

Hello Pearl and the entire Career Village Community,

I empathize with your situation completely. I recall my own childhood, where I too had very few friends and remember that feeling vividly. From my personal journey, I can assure you that this is a temporary phase and it won't last forever. In hindsight, I now value those solitary moments as they allowed me to discover myself and shape my personality during those challenging times, which turned out to be a positive outcome.

If you're pondering over how to alter this circumstance, I'd like to share some strategies that worked for me and may be beneficial for you:

1- Cultivate curiosity. This means exploring your passions and also taking an interest in what others are passionate about. This approach will help you find common ground with others, while also expanding your own knowledge about what you like and dislike.
2- Engage in hobbies outside of school. This will provide you with opportunities to meet a diverse range of people from various backgrounds, thereby broadening your understanding of life.
3- Be authentic and stand up for yourself. This is the key to attracting your tribe. The people who genuinely love and care for you will always be there for you, so cherish them.

I understand that this might seem challenging, but believe me, it's okay to feel disconnected at times. You will eventually establish those connections by sharing your thoughts and expressing yourself, so don't hesitate to voice your opinions and show the world your true self.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for taking the time to help. Pearl
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Jasanpreet Kaur’s Answer

Hello Pearl,

Feeling a bit uneasy about stepping out solo without your friends is perfectly normal. However, keep in mind that every journey begins with a single step, and it's alright to feel a bit jittery or uncertain at first.

Here's a roadmap to help you venture out solo and start building new friendships:

1. Begin with what you love: Start by visiting places you enjoy, such as a bookstore, coffee shop, or local park. These spots tend to be more laid-back, making them easier to explore alone.

2. Set achievable targets: Push yourself to have small interactions with others, like asking for suggestions or starting a light conversation with someone nearby.

3. Participate in clubs or groups: Seek out local clubs, gatherings, or classes that align with your interests. These structured environments offer excellent opportunities to meet like-minded individuals.

4. Give back through volunteering: Volunteering not only lets you give back to your community but also connects you with people who are passionate about similar causes.

5. Be part of local events: Stay updated on events in your area, such as concerts, art shows, or workshops. Even if you attend solo, these events can be wonderful venues to meet new people with shared interests.

6. Leverage social media and apps: Engage with online communities or use apps that connect people with similar hobbies or activities. This can be a stress-free way to initiate conversations and build relationships.

7. Keep an open mind: Remember, friendship building requires time and effort. Be receptive to meeting a variety of people and don't lose heart if you don't instantly click with everyone you meet.

8. Show kindness to yourself: It's alright to feel a bit anxious or self-aware, but remember to be gentle with yourself throughout the process. Socializing and forming relationships can be tough, but it's a skill that you can hone over time.

Always remember, feeling a bit anxious about stepping out of your comfort zone is completely normal. However, by taking small steps and being patient with yourself, you can gradually build your confidence and create meaningful connections in social settings.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for giving me advice. Pearl
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Gayl’s Answer

Hi Pearl,

First of all, there is nothing to be ashamed of or fearful about saying you desire to have more friends. What I would say is concentrate on the quality of friendships you make rather than the number. I am sure most of us on here are not still as close with everyone we went to high school or college with. If we are lucky, we end up with a handful of great friends that will last a lifetime. If you have certain activities you enjoy, begin to do those even alone. Someone mentioned volunteering, that's an excellent way to meet people. Join free yoga, Pilates, go to free movies in the park, or free concerts, and as much as social media can make us all anti-social, it does have some benefits to bring together people with shared interests and hobbies. For example, I learned to make my own herbed butter from social media....so, there are a few good things still out there. If you are interested in Legos, gnomes (okay maybe that's just me), book series, binge-worthy series, classic cars, vintage dolls, vinyl records, etc. Finding cool places for these things and going there will definitely be great ways to meet people. I decided this year that we as women and men don't hear good things about ourselves all the time. So, when I see someone with awesome hair, cute dresses, fly shoes, and the attitude to match, I say "I love your hair or great hair", door opened and they start to tell you where they got it done, how long they have been with their stylist, and say let me give you my number or my stylists number. Sometimes, the best things start with a simple hello/compliment. I hope this helps and may you have as many genuine, true friendships that your heart doesn't have room enough to contain. Best wishes.
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Noelle’s Answer

Hello Pearl! Don't worry, making friends might seem a little scary at first, but just remember to keep an open heart when you're out and about! Look for activities that you truly love doing, and then see if there are any local places where groups gather to do the same. Finding people who love the same things you do is a fantastic way to kick-start friendships!
Thank you comment icon Thank you so much, Noelle! Pearl
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Aqua’s Answer

Hi Pearl,

It's okay to go out alone. You can learn alot about yourself when going out alone.

There are several positive aspects of going out alone that people often appreciate.

Independence: Going out alone allows individuals to cultivate a sense of independence and self-reliance. It can boost confidence and help individuals become more comfortable with their own company.

Self-discovery: Exploring new places or engaging in activities alone can provide an opportunity for self-discovery. It allows individuals to reflect, introspect, and learn more about their own preferences, interests, and strengths.

Freedom and flexibility: Going out alone gives individuals the freedom to choose their own itinerary, pace, and activities without having to compromise with others. This flexibility allows for a more personalized and fulfilling experience.

Empowerment: Going out alone can be empowering, as it encourages individuals to step out of their comfort zones, overcome fears, and take charge of their own experiences. It can build resilience and a sense of accomplishment.

Mindfulness and self-care: Going out alone provides an opportunity for individuals to practice mindfulness and focus on their own well-being. It allows for uninterrupted moments of relaxation, rejuvenation, and self-care.

Meeting new people: When going out alone, individuals may be more open to meeting new people and engaging in conversations. This can lead to interesting encounters, new friendships, and expanded social networks.

Personal growth: Going out alone challenges individuals to navigate unfamiliar situations, make decisions, and adapt to new environments. This can foster personal growth, broaden perspectives, and enhance problem-solving skills.

Enjoying solitude: Going out alone allows individuals to embrace solitude and enjoy their own company. It can provide a break from the demands of social interactions and offer a peaceful and reflective experience.

Aqua recommends the following next steps:

The next time you go out try to see if any of these resonate with you.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for sharing your perspective. Pearl
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Evelyn’s Answer

Hey there, Pearl! Always remember, it's perfectly okay to feel the way you do. You're not alone. Even as an outgoing person, I too find it challenging to meet new people. An effective strategy is to delve into activities that truly light up your spirit. For me, that was Salsa dancing. Despite having some experience, I was initially hesitant about dancing solo. But then, I chose to join a Salsa class, a decision that changed my life significantly. It wasn't just about doing something I loved, but it also opened doors for me to form new friendships. By the time I completed the 6-week course, I found myself regularly participating in various social activities with my classmates. The bonds of friendship grew organically as I was immersed in an activity I genuinely enjoyed. Today, I walk into dance studio socials all by myself, free of any worries.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for the advice, Evelyn. Pearl
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Jerome’s Answer

I HIGHLY recommend that look into volunteering. You can gain some cool experience while meeting others. Often groups will have volunteer appreciation days or opportunities to connect. Once you graduate, Alumni Association events can also be a low pressure way to connect with others since you all have something in common. If you are still in school, look for opportunities on campus. Showing up can be the hardest thing, but I promise there are others out there that would love to connect and get to know you.
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