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1
Question
3 answers
Updated
Michelle’s Answer
Hello, Zuri !
You have asked a very important question. Just as people deal with grief differently, so do they handle and process trauma differently, too. There is no one general answer to how a person handles, manages, processes and recovers from trauma. And there are many, many types of trauma, too.
What is the basic helpful scenario for this is to be around a very strong support system. Since everyone is different, it takes different lengths of time to recover from the particular traumas a person may have experienced. Post-traumatic growth is possible and many people do it.
Support groups greatly help people. Having discussions with a group of people who have experienced the same type of trauma the person had will help validate the person's experience as well as give the person the acknowledgement they need. Traumatized people should never blame themselves and also give themselves room to feel the emotion which resulted from the particular trauma. Social support is also helpful. Being around positive and loving family and friends can be an enormous encouragement on the way to healing.
Many people go for psychotherapy for trauma related issues, too. It is just a process to rebuild a person's functioning and some find it very helpful where others do not. It depends on the person. It is also important to realize that some people would be traumatized by things that would not even phase another person.
When I used to be a social service Case Manager, many of our clients were in trauma and many of the issues were traumatizing in themselves, so we were exposed to it by way of our work. We had training in what is called Vicarious Trauma which means how a worker handles what they deal with on the job. These trainings are very effective with setting mental and emotional barriers so that you don't bring the work home. As a person, one cannot help but think about and feel emotion about what just happened on the job, but most learn how to gage their emotions and not let it affect them. I remember that when it would be very strong, the first thought that would cross my mind was that I should quit this field of work. But for some reason, be it support or something, I never did quit. I am glad that I continued staying with it because it really did provide personal growth for me.
There are many books, websites and videos that have clear explanations of Trauma and the healing process. You can readily find these by doing a search online. I hope this perspective is helpful and I wish you all the best !
You have asked a very important question. Just as people deal with grief differently, so do they handle and process trauma differently, too. There is no one general answer to how a person handles, manages, processes and recovers from trauma. And there are many, many types of trauma, too.
What is the basic helpful scenario for this is to be around a very strong support system. Since everyone is different, it takes different lengths of time to recover from the particular traumas a person may have experienced. Post-traumatic growth is possible and many people do it.
Support groups greatly help people. Having discussions with a group of people who have experienced the same type of trauma the person had will help validate the person's experience as well as give the person the acknowledgement they need. Traumatized people should never blame themselves and also give themselves room to feel the emotion which resulted from the particular trauma. Social support is also helpful. Being around positive and loving family and friends can be an enormous encouragement on the way to healing.
Many people go for psychotherapy for trauma related issues, too. It is just a process to rebuild a person's functioning and some find it very helpful where others do not. It depends on the person. It is also important to realize that some people would be traumatized by things that would not even phase another person.
When I used to be a social service Case Manager, many of our clients were in trauma and many of the issues were traumatizing in themselves, so we were exposed to it by way of our work. We had training in what is called Vicarious Trauma which means how a worker handles what they deal with on the job. These trainings are very effective with setting mental and emotional barriers so that you don't bring the work home. As a person, one cannot help but think about and feel emotion about what just happened on the job, but most learn how to gage their emotions and not let it affect them. I remember that when it would be very strong, the first thought that would cross my mind was that I should quit this field of work. But for some reason, be it support or something, I never did quit. I am glad that I continued staying with it because it really did provide personal growth for me.
There are many books, websites and videos that have clear explanations of Trauma and the healing process. You can readily find these by doing a search online. I hope this perspective is helpful and I wish you all the best !
Updated
Kelly’s Answer
The word normal is a complicated one because everyone is unique and “normal” is really just another way of saying someone who acts, believes, or speaks like most of those in the society around them.
As I have grown up, I have come to realize that our developing brains are like computers. As we learn lessons through the good, bad, and ugly experiences that we all inevitably have, we program our brains to act/ react differently in similar future scenarios. Some call it conditioning.
We develop quite significantly as children and eventually a personality forms. As we get older it starts to solidify a bit more. We are more opinionated and our quirks can set in. We always have the opportunity to learn and grow though. My point is, you should never compare yourself to people you think are normal. You are who you are because of your own life circumstances and conditioning. Going through a trauma is sadly more normal than it should be and while it may change who you are in various ways, take it as it is. It’s okay to be a bit different than those around you. Find your crew who accepts you for exactly who you are and who supports you when you struggle.
When we go through traumas, it can be difficult to process our emotions and our reactions to these situations. It is important to take the necessary time to process, feel, and heal from these traumas.
When I was in high school, someone I called a friend at the time encouraged a situation that ultimately lead to my sexual assault. It took me over 4 months to process that it was even assault because I chose to subconsciously bury the reality of the situation deep inside so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Eventually I learned that being open about it helped me to process it. It also helped me to realize how important it is to surround yourself with people who protect you and have your back always. Especially in situations where you may be under the influence of any kind of substance. On my journey to healing, I connected with others who had been through similar situations and realized that no matter what traumas you go through in your life, you’re never alone. No one has lived your exact life and gone through all the same things as you but many have been through similar scenarios.
Eventually I found a symbol that means a lot to me. They are called carins. Carins are rock piles typically found on hiking trails. They indicate “hey, someone has been here before” and it symbolizes that no matter the path we take in our life, someone can relate and you’re NEVER alone.
Ultimately, everything that you go through in your life is an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s important not to blame yourself after suffering a trauma. It is also important not to stay a victim forever. If you fall into a victim mindset and refuse to heal and grow, you will not properly recover until you do choose to rise.
At 25 I have been through only a handful of traumatic experiences and I’m sure there are more to come. I choose to believe that they happen because I can handle them and the outcome is, in many ways, in my control. I use the lesions I’ve learned in my life to make me a stronger and more empathetic person and choose to believe that I am unstoppable. It has helped me a ton in my personal life and I hope it can help you in yours.
If I could go back and change any of the bad things that I’ve been through, I wouldn’t. While I wish we didn’t have to suffer as much as we do sometimes, we don’t realize our own strength until we are tested.
Please know that the healing process has no timeline. It is okay to be sad, mad, anxious, or in despair. It’s important to feel and release these emotions so that we can heal and move on.
Keep your head up and your mindset optimistic. You have faced challenges in your life and you will continue to be challenged. That’s the beauty of life! How you choose to live it and to react to it is for you to control. You’re stronger than you realize.
As I have grown up, I have come to realize that our developing brains are like computers. As we learn lessons through the good, bad, and ugly experiences that we all inevitably have, we program our brains to act/ react differently in similar future scenarios. Some call it conditioning.
We develop quite significantly as children and eventually a personality forms. As we get older it starts to solidify a bit more. We are more opinionated and our quirks can set in. We always have the opportunity to learn and grow though. My point is, you should never compare yourself to people you think are normal. You are who you are because of your own life circumstances and conditioning. Going through a trauma is sadly more normal than it should be and while it may change who you are in various ways, take it as it is. It’s okay to be a bit different than those around you. Find your crew who accepts you for exactly who you are and who supports you when you struggle.
When we go through traumas, it can be difficult to process our emotions and our reactions to these situations. It is important to take the necessary time to process, feel, and heal from these traumas.
When I was in high school, someone I called a friend at the time encouraged a situation that ultimately lead to my sexual assault. It took me over 4 months to process that it was even assault because I chose to subconsciously bury the reality of the situation deep inside so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Eventually I learned that being open about it helped me to process it. It also helped me to realize how important it is to surround yourself with people who protect you and have your back always. Especially in situations where you may be under the influence of any kind of substance. On my journey to healing, I connected with others who had been through similar situations and realized that no matter what traumas you go through in your life, you’re never alone. No one has lived your exact life and gone through all the same things as you but many have been through similar scenarios.
Eventually I found a symbol that means a lot to me. They are called carins. Carins are rock piles typically found on hiking trails. They indicate “hey, someone has been here before” and it symbolizes that no matter the path we take in our life, someone can relate and you’re NEVER alone.
Ultimately, everything that you go through in your life is an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s important not to blame yourself after suffering a trauma. It is also important not to stay a victim forever. If you fall into a victim mindset and refuse to heal and grow, you will not properly recover until you do choose to rise.
At 25 I have been through only a handful of traumatic experiences and I’m sure there are more to come. I choose to believe that they happen because I can handle them and the outcome is, in many ways, in my control. I use the lesions I’ve learned in my life to make me a stronger and more empathetic person and choose to believe that I am unstoppable. It has helped me a ton in my personal life and I hope it can help you in yours.
If I could go back and change any of the bad things that I’ve been through, I wouldn’t. While I wish we didn’t have to suffer as much as we do sometimes, we don’t realize our own strength until we are tested.
Please know that the healing process has no timeline. It is okay to be sad, mad, anxious, or in despair. It’s important to feel and release these emotions so that we can heal and move on.
Keep your head up and your mindset optimistic. You have faced challenges in your life and you will continue to be challenged. That’s the beauty of life! How you choose to live it and to react to it is for you to control. You’re stronger than you realize.
Updated
Kevin P’s Answer
Hey Zuri, I hope you or who you are posting for find the answer that is needed. If not here, somewhere healthy and productive.
First and foremost, I would say there is a new normal. Trauma is like a rock thrown into a pond. The ripples can last a very long time and even after the ripples stop, the pond with the rock in it is not the same as it was before the rock. However, a new person walking by doesn’t see the rock, he sees the pond. The same beautiful, peaceful pond. And that is how you deal with trauma. How you overcome trauma. The way it was is not there anymore.
We must find a new normal. This new normal will become what we know and appreciate. The problem is most are not accepting of change. Especially this change. Because it feel like the person going through this doesn’t deserve it or wasn’t in control of it. But then who is really in control of any of those things? And that’s okay. That’s a great teacher. When things happen we didn’t control we grow and learn to adapt.
It is important to note, I did not use the word victim. We are not victims in this. We are survivors. We survived something traumatic. We were not victimized by it. When we can’t control the trauma we can control not being a victim by it. That’s within your grasp.
So please know that you control your response to the event, the event does not control you. And it could be bad. It might be bad. But you’re strong. You’re stronger!
First and foremost, I would say there is a new normal. Trauma is like a rock thrown into a pond. The ripples can last a very long time and even after the ripples stop, the pond with the rock in it is not the same as it was before the rock. However, a new person walking by doesn’t see the rock, he sees the pond. The same beautiful, peaceful pond. And that is how you deal with trauma. How you overcome trauma. The way it was is not there anymore.
We must find a new normal. This new normal will become what we know and appreciate. The problem is most are not accepting of change. Especially this change. Because it feel like the person going through this doesn’t deserve it or wasn’t in control of it. But then who is really in control of any of those things? And that’s okay. That’s a great teacher. When things happen we didn’t control we grow and learn to adapt.
It is important to note, I did not use the word victim. We are not victims in this. We are survivors. We survived something traumatic. We were not victimized by it. When we can’t control the trauma we can control not being a victim by it. That’s within your grasp.
So please know that you control your response to the event, the event does not control you. And it could be bad. It might be bad. But you’re strong. You’re stronger!
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