7 answers
Maya
Student
Macon, Georgia
5
Questions
Asked
630 views
Is my life considered a sob story? Should I even consider writing about this in my college essay?
I seen times and times again about people saying that it's not smart to make your essay about your trauma. But I'm confused as to what is considered one. My family to be middle class. So no real financial struggle, but I have gone through some serious stuff such as emotional and sexual abuse from ages 9-14 by family members and friends. I'm 17 now, it still really affects me to this day. Not to mention of how my family sided against me, leaving me to deal with all this by myself.
Anyways, that's all I'll say about that. My point in saying all this is, that I'm worried I can't go to college. I managed to keep a 3.4 (unweighted) GPA but if you look at my extracurricular I haven't done anything steady for all four years. Not to mention my SAT test grade is horrible. I was severely depressed and trying to figure out how to cope - which resulted in isolation.
People have gone through a lot more than me and have way better test scores and GPA. I feel like if I say this it'll just be "aww poor you" situation. But it has affected every single aspect of my life, I'm trying to join all the clubs I can cause I'm a senior. But younger me didn't even imagine making it this far, so now I'm lost. I still live with my family, so I can't even considered this as "overcoming" something when I'm still in the same spot.
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7 answers
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
616
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hello Maya,
Your experiences are valid, and they have shaped who you are. It's important to recognize that your story is not a "sob story," but rather a testament to your resilience, and it's important to acknowledge the strength it takes to continue moving forward despite everything you've been through. The idea of writing about trauma in a college essay can be tricky because you want to avoid making it feel like you're asking for pity, but at the same time, your story is part of who you are and has shaped your journey.
If you choose to write about your experiences, it's crucial to focus on how they've influenced your growth, resilience, and determination. Colleges are looking for students who can reflect on their experiences and demonstrate how those experiences have prepared them for the challenges of college and beyond. Instead of centering your essay solely on the trauma, consider how you've navigated these hardships, what you've learned from them, and how they've motivated you to pursue higher education and make positive changes in your life.
Your GPA and extracurriculars may not be perfect, but your story of perseverance and the steps you're taking now to get involved show a strong sense of commitment and personal growth. You can frame your essay around your resilience and the steps you're taking to build a brighter future for yourself, even if the journey is still ongoing.
If you feel comfortable, you could also talk about the coping mechanisms you've developed, how you've sought support, or any personal insights that have come from your experiences. The key is to present yourself as someone who is not defined by your trauma, but as someone who is actively working to rise above it.
Understanding the College Essay
The purpose of a college essay isn't to elicit pity, but to reveal your character, values, and growth. Admissions officers want to understand who you are as a person, and your experiences, both positive and negative, can play a significant role in that.
Here are some key points to consider:
Focus on growth and resilience: Instead of dwelling on the trauma itself, focus on how you've overcome challenges, learned from your experiences, and developed into the person you are today.
Show, don't tell: Use vivid language and specific examples to illustrate your points.
Connect your experiences to your future goals: Explain how your past has shaped your aspirations and how you plan to contribute to your community.
Be authentic: Your essay should be a genuine reflection of your voice and personality.
Seeking Support
It's important to remember that you're not alone. Many students have faced similar challenges, and there are resources available to help you cope and succeed.
Consider seeking therapy: Talking to a therapist can provide valuable support and tools for managing the impact of your experiences.
Reach out to trusted adults: Talk to a teacher, counselor, or mentor about your feelings and concerns.
Join support groups: Connecting with others who have shared experiences can be incredibly helpful.
Your past doesn't define your future. You have the power to overcome challenges and create a bright future for yourself. It's okay to still be in the process of healing; that in itself is a powerful narrative.
Best wishes!
Your experiences are valid, and they have shaped who you are. It's important to recognize that your story is not a "sob story," but rather a testament to your resilience, and it's important to acknowledge the strength it takes to continue moving forward despite everything you've been through. The idea of writing about trauma in a college essay can be tricky because you want to avoid making it feel like you're asking for pity, but at the same time, your story is part of who you are and has shaped your journey.
If you choose to write about your experiences, it's crucial to focus on how they've influenced your growth, resilience, and determination. Colleges are looking for students who can reflect on their experiences and demonstrate how those experiences have prepared them for the challenges of college and beyond. Instead of centering your essay solely on the trauma, consider how you've navigated these hardships, what you've learned from them, and how they've motivated you to pursue higher education and make positive changes in your life.
Your GPA and extracurriculars may not be perfect, but your story of perseverance and the steps you're taking now to get involved show a strong sense of commitment and personal growth. You can frame your essay around your resilience and the steps you're taking to build a brighter future for yourself, even if the journey is still ongoing.
If you feel comfortable, you could also talk about the coping mechanisms you've developed, how you've sought support, or any personal insights that have come from your experiences. The key is to present yourself as someone who is not defined by your trauma, but as someone who is actively working to rise above it.
Understanding the College Essay
The purpose of a college essay isn't to elicit pity, but to reveal your character, values, and growth. Admissions officers want to understand who you are as a person, and your experiences, both positive and negative, can play a significant role in that.
Here are some key points to consider:
Focus on growth and resilience: Instead of dwelling on the trauma itself, focus on how you've overcome challenges, learned from your experiences, and developed into the person you are today.
Show, don't tell: Use vivid language and specific examples to illustrate your points.
Connect your experiences to your future goals: Explain how your past has shaped your aspirations and how you plan to contribute to your community.
Be authentic: Your essay should be a genuine reflection of your voice and personality.
Seeking Support
It's important to remember that you're not alone. Many students have faced similar challenges, and there are resources available to help you cope and succeed.
Consider seeking therapy: Talking to a therapist can provide valuable support and tools for managing the impact of your experiences.
Reach out to trusted adults: Talk to a teacher, counselor, or mentor about your feelings and concerns.
Join support groups: Connecting with others who have shared experiences can be incredibly helpful.
Your past doesn't define your future. You have the power to overcome challenges and create a bright future for yourself. It's okay to still be in the process of healing; that in itself is a powerful narrative.
Best wishes!
Theresa Stanfel Hull
Sonogragher
4
Answers
Mukilteo, Washington
Updated
Theresa’s Answer
Hi Maya,
You are not alone. I am so sorry you’ve had this past with no one to help you through it.
Unfortunately, we can’t change our past. We only have to make the choice to rise above the past and make our own future.
The individuals who have remarked before me, have given you some great information as to where to go from here. You need to read over you need to read over their comments and make them your own as they stated you don’t want this to be a pity paper. You could explain in your writings that even though you had difficulties in your young life, that you are now rising above those circumstances. These issues hopefully, have changed your life and many aspect of your life. Which it sounds like you have, but with much difficulty.
If you now have made an effort to get into some of the groups, that should be well looked upon. I’m not sure if you stated an area that you are interested in. It would be nice to know if you have an interest in History or medicine or some kind of science, or even sports. The school counselor should be able to help with some of this as well.
One thing I always told students was to look at you’re interest and what excites you, what you really enjoy because if you enjoy whatever you end up going into it won’t be just a “job” it will be something you look forward to doing most everyday.
If it is something you enjoy like say you like to draw that communicates into many different things as marketing architecture drawing for medical companies or helping you as an instructor/teacher to get your points across.
For yourself in this process you’re going through or should I say have gone through, it would be good if you had someone to speak to other than just friends. Someone who can help you with this horrific experience in your life and get you to a better place. A therapist that has experience in the area of your needs would be very helpful under the circumstances. You could even start with the school counselor and maybe they could find someone who could help even more.
The other individuals giving you information spoke out about what your letter could state and I would challenge you to go ahead and again read those. They had some great points. You’ve made it this far asking all the right questions. YOU’VE got this.
Look into scholarships and ways to help pay for schooling. I worked at the University bookstore between classes. On Holidays I would work retail to get by. During those times I would go home as it was relatively close.
You may even consider going to a Community College to get your undergraduate degree and transfer after. Less expensive. You would even be able to take some classes which you may be interested in but weren’t sure where your interests lie.
Best of luck! You can do this! Look forward for you! Not anyone else. Inspite of others!
Theresa
You are not alone. I am so sorry you’ve had this past with no one to help you through it.
Unfortunately, we can’t change our past. We only have to make the choice to rise above the past and make our own future.
The individuals who have remarked before me, have given you some great information as to where to go from here. You need to read over you need to read over their comments and make them your own as they stated you don’t want this to be a pity paper. You could explain in your writings that even though you had difficulties in your young life, that you are now rising above those circumstances. These issues hopefully, have changed your life and many aspect of your life. Which it sounds like you have, but with much difficulty.
If you now have made an effort to get into some of the groups, that should be well looked upon. I’m not sure if you stated an area that you are interested in. It would be nice to know if you have an interest in History or medicine or some kind of science, or even sports. The school counselor should be able to help with some of this as well.
One thing I always told students was to look at you’re interest and what excites you, what you really enjoy because if you enjoy whatever you end up going into it won’t be just a “job” it will be something you look forward to doing most everyday.
If it is something you enjoy like say you like to draw that communicates into many different things as marketing architecture drawing for medical companies or helping you as an instructor/teacher to get your points across.
For yourself in this process you’re going through or should I say have gone through, it would be good if you had someone to speak to other than just friends. Someone who can help you with this horrific experience in your life and get you to a better place. A therapist that has experience in the area of your needs would be very helpful under the circumstances. You could even start with the school counselor and maybe they could find someone who could help even more.
The other individuals giving you information spoke out about what your letter could state and I would challenge you to go ahead and again read those. They had some great points. You’ve made it this far asking all the right questions. YOU’VE got this.
Look into scholarships and ways to help pay for schooling. I worked at the University bookstore between classes. On Holidays I would work retail to get by. During those times I would go home as it was relatively close.
You may even consider going to a Community College to get your undergraduate degree and transfer after. Less expensive. You would even be able to take some classes which you may be interested in but weren’t sure where your interests lie.
Best of luck! You can do this! Look forward for you! Not anyone else. Inspite of others!
Theresa
Joseph Neilson
Radiation Detection Physicist
224
Answers
Oxford, England, United Kingdom
Updated
Joseph’s Answer
I'm not sure whether a US college essay is used in quite the same way as a UK university admissions personal statement, but if it is, I would expect a good essay to present your case for why you're interested in the college and course and why you'd make a great student more than focusing on negative things like this. I'd say it's fine to talk about and even base your essay around past negative experiences if you've learnt something important and improved because of them, but if you go that route, it's also a question of carefully choosing your style and phrasing. If your essay was written similarly to your question here, I think unfortunately many people would likely read it as a "sob story" - I'm not quite sure what message your story is trying to convey other than making excuses for your grades and lack of extracurriculars; and I don't think many admissions tutors would react positively to something like that.
Of course, that's not to belittle your experience; what you have experienced sounds truly horrible and I can understand how something like that may have affected you, but talking about it that way is not painting you as someone who is going to thrive in a college environment - you want to show off some positives. If you're going this route, I would think about how your story demonstrates things like your resilience and hard work to keep going despite what you've suffered. I know you say you haven't fully overcome the situation, but sometimes it's not about overcoming, it's about just keeping going despite adversity and making the best out of the situation you're in.
Of course, that's not to belittle your experience; what you have experienced sounds truly horrible and I can understand how something like that may have affected you, but talking about it that way is not painting you as someone who is going to thrive in a college environment - you want to show off some positives. If you're going this route, I would think about how your story demonstrates things like your resilience and hard work to keep going despite what you've suffered. I know you say you haven't fully overcome the situation, but sometimes it's not about overcoming, it's about just keeping going despite adversity and making the best out of the situation you're in.
Susan Su McKenzie
29
Answers
Singapore
Updated
Susan Su’s Answer
Your personal narrative is potent and deeply intimate, and it's natural to have reservations about unveiling it in a college essay. College essays provide an opportunity for you to reveal your unique viewpoint, life experiences, and the elements that shape your identity. However, the crux lies in the manner you narrate your story.
Here are some points to ponder:
Highlight Growth and Resilience: Instead of making your essay solely about the trauma, think about emphasizing how you've evolved, the lessons you've learned, and how these experiences have molded your aspirations and principles. Admissions officers are interested in narratives of resilience, personal development, and how you've surmounted obstacles or are proactively striving to do so.
Accentuate Your Strengths: Illuminate the ways you've managed, persevered, and discovered paths to progress despite adversities. For instance, maintaining a 3.4 GPA amidst such formidable challenges speaks volumes about your strength and resolve. Even if your extracurricular activities have been inconsistent, your current active involvement indicates your growth and eagerness to engage.
Steer Clear of a "Pity" Narrative: It's crucial not to frame your essay in a manner that might be perceived as soliciting sympathy. Instead, concentrate on communicating how your experiences have sculpted your character, your drive, and your future ambitions. Illustrate how you’re endeavoring to transform past hardships into future triumphs.
Strike a Balance: You don’t need to disclose every aspect of your trauma. You can recognize the difficulties you've encountered without delving into specifics that make you uncomfortable. Balance your essay with reflections on your learnings, your growth, and your future aspirations.
Consider Your Readers: Admissions officers peruse thousands of essays, so making yours memorable is crucial. Your story is one-of-a-kind, and if you present it in a way that showcases your resilience and personal development, it could leave an indelible imprint.
Seek Guidance: If you’re uncertain about how to structure your essay, consider soliciting advice from a reliable teacher, counselor, or mentor. They can assist you in honing your narrative to ensure it delivers the message you intend.
Explore Other Topics: If you’re still hesitant, you can always opt for a different topic that also underscores your strengths and personality. This could be something that mirrors your interests, ambitions, or even a transformative moment in your life that reveals who you are today.
Remember, your story is significant, and how you choose to narrate it is entirely in your hands. Whatever direction you decide to steer your essay towards, be genuine and stay true to yourself. Colleges are on the lookout for students who will contribute to their community in impactful ways, and your experiences, when framed appropriately, can demonstrate just that.
Here are some points to ponder:
Highlight Growth and Resilience: Instead of making your essay solely about the trauma, think about emphasizing how you've evolved, the lessons you've learned, and how these experiences have molded your aspirations and principles. Admissions officers are interested in narratives of resilience, personal development, and how you've surmounted obstacles or are proactively striving to do so.
Accentuate Your Strengths: Illuminate the ways you've managed, persevered, and discovered paths to progress despite adversities. For instance, maintaining a 3.4 GPA amidst such formidable challenges speaks volumes about your strength and resolve. Even if your extracurricular activities have been inconsistent, your current active involvement indicates your growth and eagerness to engage.
Steer Clear of a "Pity" Narrative: It's crucial not to frame your essay in a manner that might be perceived as soliciting sympathy. Instead, concentrate on communicating how your experiences have sculpted your character, your drive, and your future ambitions. Illustrate how you’re endeavoring to transform past hardships into future triumphs.
Strike a Balance: You don’t need to disclose every aspect of your trauma. You can recognize the difficulties you've encountered without delving into specifics that make you uncomfortable. Balance your essay with reflections on your learnings, your growth, and your future aspirations.
Consider Your Readers: Admissions officers peruse thousands of essays, so making yours memorable is crucial. Your story is one-of-a-kind, and if you present it in a way that showcases your resilience and personal development, it could leave an indelible imprint.
Seek Guidance: If you’re uncertain about how to structure your essay, consider soliciting advice from a reliable teacher, counselor, or mentor. They can assist you in honing your narrative to ensure it delivers the message you intend.
Explore Other Topics: If you’re still hesitant, you can always opt for a different topic that also underscores your strengths and personality. This could be something that mirrors your interests, ambitions, or even a transformative moment in your life that reveals who you are today.
Remember, your story is significant, and how you choose to narrate it is entirely in your hands. Whatever direction you decide to steer your essay towards, be genuine and stay true to yourself. Colleges are on the lookout for students who will contribute to their community in impactful ways, and your experiences, when framed appropriately, can demonstrate just that.
Liz Jankowski, CPA
Experienced Audit Associate
12
Answers
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Updated
Liz’s Answer
Hello Maya,
Firstly, I want to applaud your bravery in seeking guidance on these matters. Many individuals find it difficult to discuss these issues, even more so with people they don't know. It's important to remember that your "sob story" isn't just a story, it's a testament to your life experiences. When I applied to college, I also wrote about a topic that some might have dismissed as a "sob story". However, it's often the most difficult challenges we face that shape us the most, whether we like it or not. The focus shouldn't be on what happened to you, but rather on what happened afterwards. How did you react? What did it teach you about yourself? How did it impact you and shape you into the person you are today?
Regarding your GPA and test scores, remember that they're just numbers and they don't tell your whole story. Highlighting how you persevered and gave your best despite the hurdles you faced can actually be a strength. As for extracurricular activities, it's perfectly fine if you haven't been involved in one for all four years. What matters more is your consistent effort to join new clubs or groups over the years. Colleges aren't looking for someone who suddenly gets involved in a bunch of activities in their senior year because they had no prior involvement.
The most crucial step you can take is to seek help with your application. Consult a school counselor about your essay, ask them to review drafts, and discuss what to emphasize in your application. If you don't have a counselor to help, there are numerous online resources available to you.
Best of luck with your next steps, and always remember, you are more than just a set of numbers!
Firstly, I want to applaud your bravery in seeking guidance on these matters. Many individuals find it difficult to discuss these issues, even more so with people they don't know. It's important to remember that your "sob story" isn't just a story, it's a testament to your life experiences. When I applied to college, I also wrote about a topic that some might have dismissed as a "sob story". However, it's often the most difficult challenges we face that shape us the most, whether we like it or not. The focus shouldn't be on what happened to you, but rather on what happened afterwards. How did you react? What did it teach you about yourself? How did it impact you and shape you into the person you are today?
Regarding your GPA and test scores, remember that they're just numbers and they don't tell your whole story. Highlighting how you persevered and gave your best despite the hurdles you faced can actually be a strength. As for extracurricular activities, it's perfectly fine if you haven't been involved in one for all four years. What matters more is your consistent effort to join new clubs or groups over the years. Colleges aren't looking for someone who suddenly gets involved in a bunch of activities in their senior year because they had no prior involvement.
The most crucial step you can take is to seek help with your application. Consult a school counselor about your essay, ask them to review drafts, and discuss what to emphasize in your application. If you don't have a counselor to help, there are numerous online resources available to you.
Best of luck with your next steps, and always remember, you are more than just a set of numbers!
Som Chatterjee
Consultant
17
Answers
Tallahassee, Florida
Updated
Som’s Answer
Hello Maya,
It's commendable that you're reaching out and seeking insights on an unfortunate incident that occurred in your life, and its potential impact on your college essay/experience.
I'm confident that by delving deeper into how you've tackled obstacles, the strategies you've used to cope, the support you've sought from those around you, and how your education will aid in carving your path and those of others, will lend a more persuasive edge to your essay. If we delve into the biographies of renowned individuals, it's clear that everyone grapples with challenges, some more severe than others. However, what draws us to these inspiring personalities is their resilience in overcoming adversity. Reflecting on how college will help you evolve into a more compassionate individual will craft a more captivating narrative. I understand this may sound straightforward, but I have faith in your ability to overcome these difficulties.
Wishing you all the best.
It's commendable that you're reaching out and seeking insights on an unfortunate incident that occurred in your life, and its potential impact on your college essay/experience.
I'm confident that by delving deeper into how you've tackled obstacles, the strategies you've used to cope, the support you've sought from those around you, and how your education will aid in carving your path and those of others, will lend a more persuasive edge to your essay. If we delve into the biographies of renowned individuals, it's clear that everyone grapples with challenges, some more severe than others. However, what draws us to these inspiring personalities is their resilience in overcoming adversity. Reflecting on how college will help you evolve into a more compassionate individual will craft a more captivating narrative. I understand this may sound straightforward, but I have faith in your ability to overcome these difficulties.
Wishing you all the best.
Annah Edmonds
Licensed Clinical Counselor and Art Therapist
120
Answers
Seattle, Washington
Updated
Annah’s Answer
Hello Maya! First, your life is your life. Your experience your own. Sob story implies whining or complaining which has nothing to do with the real impact of traumatic or adverse events on a person's life. Also let's stay away from making comparisons which is only a distraction and takes the focus away from you. What you have gone through has left an imprint; it has affected your ability to live in a way you wanted. Mental health may affect every aspect of our lives from sleep, appetite, focus, attention, mood, coping, and more. It sounds like you recognize this and are wanting to take charge and move forwards. If you have not already sought mental health support, I encourage you to do so. As for academics, you have some options. You can apply to schools now, you can consider starting with community college to build up your grade point average, you can re-take the SAT to improve your score. As for including your personal story in an essay, it may depend upon the essay questions. Be accountable for the academic piece and reflect upon how your life experiences have prompted you to do things differently. Perhaps you plan to study psychology or enter a helping field. Decide what you truly want to share with people who do not know you. It is okay to take some time to re-evaluate your choices. It is okay to remain living at home, if home is a safe space. It is also okay to try going for what you want now and risk rejection. Take the rejection as motivation to try again (re: applying to colleges). You are just beginning your young adult life! There is room to try things out and make adjustments or change tactics, as needed. Give yourself this leeway. And realize you are a work in progress. You can heal and process harmful events from your past. You can learn and practice new study habits. Notice I did not say you are not college material! Of course you are! Build up faith in yourself and if you need help in doing so, seek that support. We do not exist in a bubble so seek out people and resources to assist you along the way. You can do this!