Would it be hard to be a mom and also be in a STEM career?

I am an Assistant Professor of Mathematics at UC Davis. I'm also a mom of a 5 year old girl. I'm not the only mathematician-mom out there. There are many of us!

The first thing I want to say is that until you're a mom, you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be a mom. You may think you know, but you do not. I had a very clear vision of exactly how I would be as a mom and how I was going to raise my (theoretical) child. The moment I learned I was pregnant with my (real) daughter, everything changed.

Also, you'll find that you are much more capable than you ever imagined. For example, let's say you're the type of person that requires 10 hours of sleep every night. Now say that you have a huge project that you have to finish, one that you believe in and love. I bet you can stay up for 3 or 4 straight days working on it without complaint. Now let's stretch that across 3 years (with some periodic breaks in between). That's called a dissertation, and that's how you get a PhD in science. Not every career in STEM requires a PhD in a scientific subject, but many do.

What you realize while you work on that dissertation is that time keeps passing. That is, life will continue happening as you study. You may learn a new language or play a new musical instrument. You may start or end romantic relationships. You may gain or lose weight. You may gain or lose hair (it happens). You might get sick or hurt. All kinds of things will happen, but not all at once (usually). You'll learn to deal with things as they come. That's how you become stronger and wiser.

It's no different being a mom or a scientist or a scientist mom. You will learn to handle whatever situation you're in. And you'll learn little by little how to stay sane throughout that process. You'll also learn that you're allowed to freak out every now and then, too. And that most people will be supportive and offer help (because we know what it's like).

On a separate but related note, I strongly believe that children (or at least my children) should see their mother working---and working damn hard. If you want to have a child, then you should also strive to be their hero. My daughter has seen me lecturing in a hall with 200+ undergraduate students. She's seen me advising graduate students and interacting with colleagues. She's seen me excited about science. I know she's proud of her mama.

It is ABSOLUTELY doable.

I have been working with Verizon initially as a computer engineer and now as a software engineer for twenty-five years now.

The secret is to prioritize and balance. From a priority perspective, as the other mentors stated, parenthood is a job that you will love. Verizon came first .. i was young, single, and rich (for a first-time full time job). Marriage and parenthood came second. Where parenthood is concerned, there's an 18 year span where they NEED you. (basically - you're locked into a commitment for 18 years based on the age of your youngest child :) ) I have two sons (18 and 20) and they're my world. Now that they're 'college like' adults, my role has changed, but that's OK. I'm blessed with two great kids, and a twenty-five year career to be proud of.

Compliment your mom role with a career you love. The only difference between a STEM career and any other career is the stereotype associated with it.

Yes - there are a lot of men in STEM careers (so what)
Yes - you'll probably have to be math or science oriented (so what)
Yes - the pay is kind of nice (that's always good :) )
Yes - the hours get strange, but ironically, if you work for a great company, with a great manager, and have earned his/her trust - you can make that work. There was one season where i was working 10-2 PM and 10-2AM, and mom'ing in between. It was the GREATEST summer because I was able to spend a lot of time with my kids. (once you have kids, you'll never sleep 8 hours in a row again)
Yes - multi-tasking is a skill you are going to master. I believe the official term is 'time-boxing', but you'll see that time-boxing preserves the balance.

Yes - at first, people will question your competency because you're a woman. So, prove them wrong - you go out there and you do your best work. Dot your 'i's', cross your 't's', build networks among your peers (both male and female). Embrace the opportunity and make the most of it.

You can do it !

I am a physicist and a mom. I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. When I was in school I didn't see any STEM moms and I , like you, was worried that it would be too hard. But I did it. I did it despite many of my male coworkers saying I couldn't be good at both, despite family thinking I should give up work, i did it and I did it well. Was it hard? Yes but being a mom is hard no matter what, and I have a job that I love. I get to discover things that none else knows and I get to explain things to my kids and see the wonder in their eyes. I say follow your dreams

Great question.  With any job you do want to maintain work/life balance.  I have two children, ages 10 and 6, and I have recently been given this advice from one of our Directors.  "Be where your feet are".  You can do both, but I have found when I am home, I am still working, whether it be on my phone reading emails, doing administrative work, etc.  But now I make myself be where my feet are.  When I am home, I home paying attention and playing with the kids.  When I am at work, I am working harder to make sure I get everything I need completed.  So will it be hard, it can be.  But time management and prioritizing will help you balance work and life.  Hope this helps and good luck!

Anything is possible! I am a mom of 3 boys and have worked for Verizon for 10+ years. If you have a goal in mind, GO FOR IT! There is always room to advance or move, to meet your family's needs.