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Do software engineers have enough time for their families? What is the quality of life like for people pursuing this career?
Do you get to spend weekends with your family? I have a daughter on the way so family time is important to me. Are there opportunities for work-from-home positions?
14 answers
Charles M Hurd
Aspiring adviser to STEM teens. Explains clearly, exhorts best practices. Raspberry Pi zealot.
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Charles M’s Answer
There are so many variables to this question. And it isn't just software engineers that struggle with this.
The main variables to work/life balance are you and your family, the company your work for, the management philosophy of the company, the management chain you work for, the workload your company has at the time, and how far away you live from where you work. There are probably other factors but the most important element is you.
Are you a person that regularly gets their work done with time to spare, or do you struggle to get things done on time? Each individual is different and gets things done at a different rate (has a different clock speed), but learning to do your job well lets you get things done faster. This includes memorizing information so you don't have to spend time looking it up (both data and processes) and having an effective filing system so when you do have to look things up, you can get it done quickly. (Consider the book and other material around Getting Things Done by David Allen.) Using effective planning and prioritizing techniques also helps you get the most important things done on time. My perspective is that you will be doing a lot of this planning, memorizing and filing "off the clock" on your own time. How much of your time you allocate to sharpening your saw by becoming better at your current job is up to you. Sharpending the saw is a concept taught by Steven R. Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly-effective People. Another way to say it is taking care of the goose that lays the golden eggs. You want that goose to be in the best of health.
I used to work with an engineer (not software) that was amazingly productive at work and at home. In addition to his day job, he was the mayor of the town he lived in and he built play structures and other things for his kids.
What are your ambitions? Do you want to rise in the company quickly? You will need to be able to take on a good share of the additional responsibility your next position will have. How much of your time you allocate to that depends on what is most important to you.
How good are you at being firm with your boundaries? If you are lax with your boundaries, and allow others to dump more work on you, and you get it done at the expense of your family time, it will be hard to overcome that habit and that reputation. But if you clearly define what is work time and what is family time, and stick with it, you will get a good reputation and others will learn to not bother you with extra work or ask you to stay late on youth night, or date night, or work on your sabbath if that is important to you. I had one employer where before I accepted the job, I told them that I was never available to work on Sundays. They agreed, but kept trying to get me to work on Sundays. I kept explaining it to them. I am grateful the HR person was on my side. She kept having to argue with management for me. The one time I did agree to work on Sunday, I prayed about it first and was assured by the spirit it was the right thing for me to do. When I was done, I donated 100 percent of the money I earned to a charity, so technically, I was not working, I was providing service, both to my employer and their customers and to the people that the charity served. I still had to pay taxes on that money so technically I lost money. I have a friend that tells his company that he will work up to midnight on Saturday night, and be back working at midnight Monday morning, but unless there are soldiers in the field depending on the work he is doing, he does not work Sundays.
Another element is your family. What needs does your family have? You have to make sure those needs are met to call it a work/life balance. And those needs change over time. How big of a family do you want? What does family time mean to you? How much of the load of caring for the family can your spouse and children handle? How much of the load of caring for the family do you want to outsource? Do you want to pay others to do things for you like house cleaning, yard work, tending and tutoring, etc. There is a lot to be said about parents teaching their children how to work and other responsibilities by having them do the chores in the house. Linda and Richard Eyre have written several books about that, Teaching your Children Joy, Teaching your Children Responsibility and Teaching your Children Values are just a few. They know a lot about this, they raised nine children. Anyway, if you are teaching your children at home, that takes more time.
How long do you want to spend commuting at work? There are work from home opportunities, but you have to have strict boundaries between what is work time and what is home time, or your employer will get the impression you are slacking off. Personally, it really irritates me when I want to ask a team member a question, and he is not available because he is taking his dog for a walk in the middle of the afternoon.
I had a job where my commute was pretty long. I got dropped off near the park-and-ride. So I walked a half mile before I would get on the train. I rode the train to another stop, where I waited for the bus. I took that express bus across town, where I waited for the other bus that dropped me off across the street from my workplace, about an hour and a half after I started. If I wasn't too tired, I could get things done, both work and home things, during the trip. Now my commute is 5 minutes and I spend that extra time sharpening my saw once I get to work.
The other element is about the company you work for.
Are they known for having a hard-working culture? Are they known for being good to families? I had a friend about 20 years ago, an IT guy, that quit working for Amazon because he said it just wasn't family friendly. That was around 20 years ago. I do not know what it is like now. You can get a lot of information about that kind of stuff from Glassdoor.com.
The new thing in software development (not so new anymore) is Agile development. I've not worked it myself, but it is structured to prevent long stretches of massive overtime.
Companies go through busy times and not so busy times. If the company has a big delivery coming up, it's going to be busy. If they have just laid -off a bunch of people your workload will increase. If they depend on contracts, and they have not landed a contract for a while, it will be slow. I worked for company one time, where we went for more than a year without a new contract. we were working on existing contracts, but it was worrisome.
Your management chain has a lot to do with how busy your are also. If they are managing things well, you should be able to avoid many crunch times. But if they encourage you to choose the company over your family, it is hard. I had one manager and a software development company say to me, when it comes to giving out raises, who do you think I'm going to give a bigger raise to, somebody who worked the weekend of his wife's birthday or someone who always goes home at 5:00? The way you get that kind of information is to have a big network of people and just gather that when you talk to them.
Make some determinations of what is important to you and your family. Priortize them and clearly define the boundaries. what are you willing to compromise on. this will change as your family grows and changes.
Research the "best companies to work for" and keep a list. Network with people in those companies.
Set personal goals to improve how fast and accurate you can get your work done.
Learn to manage your life and your family like you would if you were managing a software development project. So the important things don't slip throught the cracks.
The main variables to work/life balance are you and your family, the company your work for, the management philosophy of the company, the management chain you work for, the workload your company has at the time, and how far away you live from where you work. There are probably other factors but the most important element is you.
Are you a person that regularly gets their work done with time to spare, or do you struggle to get things done on time? Each individual is different and gets things done at a different rate (has a different clock speed), but learning to do your job well lets you get things done faster. This includes memorizing information so you don't have to spend time looking it up (both data and processes) and having an effective filing system so when you do have to look things up, you can get it done quickly. (Consider the book and other material around Getting Things Done by David Allen.) Using effective planning and prioritizing techniques also helps you get the most important things done on time. My perspective is that you will be doing a lot of this planning, memorizing and filing "off the clock" on your own time. How much of your time you allocate to sharpening your saw by becoming better at your current job is up to you. Sharpending the saw is a concept taught by Steven R. Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly-effective People. Another way to say it is taking care of the goose that lays the golden eggs. You want that goose to be in the best of health.
I used to work with an engineer (not software) that was amazingly productive at work and at home. In addition to his day job, he was the mayor of the town he lived in and he built play structures and other things for his kids.
What are your ambitions? Do you want to rise in the company quickly? You will need to be able to take on a good share of the additional responsibility your next position will have. How much of your time you allocate to that depends on what is most important to you.
How good are you at being firm with your boundaries? If you are lax with your boundaries, and allow others to dump more work on you, and you get it done at the expense of your family time, it will be hard to overcome that habit and that reputation. But if you clearly define what is work time and what is family time, and stick with it, you will get a good reputation and others will learn to not bother you with extra work or ask you to stay late on youth night, or date night, or work on your sabbath if that is important to you. I had one employer where before I accepted the job, I told them that I was never available to work on Sundays. They agreed, but kept trying to get me to work on Sundays. I kept explaining it to them. I am grateful the HR person was on my side. She kept having to argue with management for me. The one time I did agree to work on Sunday, I prayed about it first and was assured by the spirit it was the right thing for me to do. When I was done, I donated 100 percent of the money I earned to a charity, so technically, I was not working, I was providing service, both to my employer and their customers and to the people that the charity served. I still had to pay taxes on that money so technically I lost money. I have a friend that tells his company that he will work up to midnight on Saturday night, and be back working at midnight Monday morning, but unless there are soldiers in the field depending on the work he is doing, he does not work Sundays.
Another element is your family. What needs does your family have? You have to make sure those needs are met to call it a work/life balance. And those needs change over time. How big of a family do you want? What does family time mean to you? How much of the load of caring for the family can your spouse and children handle? How much of the load of caring for the family do you want to outsource? Do you want to pay others to do things for you like house cleaning, yard work, tending and tutoring, etc. There is a lot to be said about parents teaching their children how to work and other responsibilities by having them do the chores in the house. Linda and Richard Eyre have written several books about that, Teaching your Children Joy, Teaching your Children Responsibility and Teaching your Children Values are just a few. They know a lot about this, they raised nine children. Anyway, if you are teaching your children at home, that takes more time.
How long do you want to spend commuting at work? There are work from home opportunities, but you have to have strict boundaries between what is work time and what is home time, or your employer will get the impression you are slacking off. Personally, it really irritates me when I want to ask a team member a question, and he is not available because he is taking his dog for a walk in the middle of the afternoon.
I had a job where my commute was pretty long. I got dropped off near the park-and-ride. So I walked a half mile before I would get on the train. I rode the train to another stop, where I waited for the bus. I took that express bus across town, where I waited for the other bus that dropped me off across the street from my workplace, about an hour and a half after I started. If I wasn't too tired, I could get things done, both work and home things, during the trip. Now my commute is 5 minutes and I spend that extra time sharpening my saw once I get to work.
The other element is about the company you work for.
Are they known for having a hard-working culture? Are they known for being good to families? I had a friend about 20 years ago, an IT guy, that quit working for Amazon because he said it just wasn't family friendly. That was around 20 years ago. I do not know what it is like now. You can get a lot of information about that kind of stuff from Glassdoor.com.
The new thing in software development (not so new anymore) is Agile development. I've not worked it myself, but it is structured to prevent long stretches of massive overtime.
Companies go through busy times and not so busy times. If the company has a big delivery coming up, it's going to be busy. If they have just laid -off a bunch of people your workload will increase. If they depend on contracts, and they have not landed a contract for a while, it will be slow. I worked for company one time, where we went for more than a year without a new contract. we were working on existing contracts, but it was worrisome.
Your management chain has a lot to do with how busy your are also. If they are managing things well, you should be able to avoid many crunch times. But if they encourage you to choose the company over your family, it is hard. I had one manager and a software development company say to me, when it comes to giving out raises, who do you think I'm going to give a bigger raise to, somebody who worked the weekend of his wife's birthday or someone who always goes home at 5:00? The way you get that kind of information is to have a big network of people and just gather that when you talk to them.
Charles M recommends the following next steps:
It really does depend on the company that I end up working for. I pray that after meticulous informational interviews and job interviews I am able to find the right position for me. I am definitely going to run to the library to check out the books that you mentioned. I am extremely interested in, "The Seven Habits of Highly-Effective People," and "Teaching Your Children Responsibility" Although I am 22 and having my daughter soon, in the grand scheme of things I still feel like a child myself. If I had a manager like you I think I would succeed in my career goals and be wonderfully challenged at the same time. I am grateful for your expertise. Have a blessed day!
Jsai
Updated
Sara’s Answer
Hi Jsai, there are already a lot of really great answers here. I agree with all of them. I don't have much else to add other than to iterate that the important parts.
1. Yes, there are software engineering jobs that offer remote positions (some hybrid, some fully remote!). I myself am mostly working remotely as a software architect at my company (I'm rarely in the office unless I want to catch up with some coworkers in person or there's a company event like a holiday party or an in-person workshop).
2. Yes, there are a lot of parents at my company who are also software engineers and they are able to balance their home life with their work life.
1. Yes, there are software engineering jobs that offer remote positions (some hybrid, some fully remote!). I myself am mostly working remotely as a software architect at my company (I'm rarely in the office unless I want to catch up with some coworkers in person or there's a company event like a holiday party or an in-person workshop).
2. Yes, there are a lot of parents at my company who are also software engineers and they are able to balance their home life with their work life.
Thank you! This really takes the weight off my shoulders, if others can do it successfully then so can I!
Jsai
Updated
Rodrigo’s Answer
This totally depends. Each company is different, and with time it's important to be cleaver to choose correctly where to apply.
The idea is to be the person that the company needs, and that gives you the chance to choose where you wanna be.
Some companies have a bad culture, where overworking is good quality, working over hours... keep away from there... a good company looks to keep you comfortable, and happy. Look for that always and working from home is a very usual thing now in tech companies.
The idea is to be the person that the company needs, and that gives you the chance to choose where you wanna be.
Some companies have a bad culture, where overworking is good quality, working over hours... keep away from there... a good company looks to keep you comfortable, and happy. Look for that always and working from home is a very usual thing now in tech companies.
Updated
Tatiana T.’s Answer
As a Software Engineer, I have worked full-time in the field for approximately 3 years now and I can say from experience that these are great questions and the answer for each of them is that 'it depends'. It depends on what type of company you decide to work for, what their culture is, and most importantly what engineering team culture is. It is very possible to have an excellent work life balance, to spend time with family on the weekday and weekends, to work from home, etc. These are not impossible to attain. I would suggest finding a way to incorporate these criteria into your job and company research. There are ways to determine not only if you are a good fit for a role, but if the company and team is a right fight for you given your life and lifestyle. If you are working with a recruiter, I would suggest asking these types of questions early on in the process and using some of the websites available online where employees provide their perspective of their employer and their experience.
Research online for companies that hire software engineers that are known for a company culture that values work life balance.
Tatiana T. recommends the following next steps:
Thank you Tatiana, it's lovely to get advice from another woman in the same field as me. I will definitely take my time performing extensive research to find the right company for me. Have a blessed day!
Jsai
Updated
Rob’s Answer
This is one of the all-time-classic "it depends" questions!
What field are you working in? What is the organizational culture like? Do you have an on-call rotation? (And if so: what is that like?) What's your own appetite for advocating for your needs?
In my experience, a huge part of this is going to be governed by the answer to that last question. No matter what type of organization you're working in, if you don't self-advocate for your boundaries and needs, you'll never get that balance. Never forget that your relationship with the organization is an exchange for your labor ... and the employer will always be looking for ways to maximize that labor. (Sorry if that sounds cynical but it's true even of the most humane employers!)
Back-tracking to the part about organizational culture: different flavors of organization often have reputations for being more demanding of your time vs. others. Consider for example that a burn-the-candle-at-both-ends start-up may offer you some lucrative stock as part of your comp (putting aside how much of a gamble that can be) -- but they are going to want many hours of your time and it may often bleed into evenings and weekends. Contrast this with a government-based organization which often has strictly limited and mandated hours for roles and you may find that you are seldom working more than 40 hours a week. (This is often because of their legal structures.) Private firms can fall anywhere between these two extremes, but more often than not, the size and age of the company is a good indication of what kind of time-demands they are going to make.
Many software roles these days often have an on-call component which you should factor into this work/life balance as well. If your role has some on-call requirements, consider what that schedule looks like. Are you taking the pager rotation for a day at a time every week or so? Or are you on-call for a week at a time every few weeks? On top of that: how flaky are the systems you're monitoring? Are you getting paged every couple hours? Or can you go a whole week and still get a full night's sleep? But even if you have a noisy pager, you might still be able to tolerate this if you feel well-supported and well-compensated at work *and* have an understanding partner.
Lastly, work-from-home! It seems like these days, most companies offer some kind of work-from-home or location-flex as a benefit. Especially after the pandemic hit, even a lot of companies that said they would never permit work-from-home quickly found that they could support it. Work-from-home is definitely a great option for many parents/families because it can give a lot of flexibility in terms of childcare. But also consider whether your organization knows how to well-support people in a work-from-home situation -- you might be able to work from a home office but find that you are missing out on a lot of "watercooler conversations" or other less-formal meetings where decisions get made etc. It's also incredibly easy for work to spill into home/non-work time -- you no longer have a commute serving as an "impermeable boundary" between where work happens and the rest of life is happening. It's also very important to have a respectful manager in a work-from-home situation -- someone who trusts you and knows how to communicate with you in a way where they are not violating the boundaries you set between working and home-life.
What field are you working in? What is the organizational culture like? Do you have an on-call rotation? (And if so: what is that like?) What's your own appetite for advocating for your needs?
In my experience, a huge part of this is going to be governed by the answer to that last question. No matter what type of organization you're working in, if you don't self-advocate for your boundaries and needs, you'll never get that balance. Never forget that your relationship with the organization is an exchange for your labor ... and the employer will always be looking for ways to maximize that labor. (Sorry if that sounds cynical but it's true even of the most humane employers!)
Back-tracking to the part about organizational culture: different flavors of organization often have reputations for being more demanding of your time vs. others. Consider for example that a burn-the-candle-at-both-ends start-up may offer you some lucrative stock as part of your comp (putting aside how much of a gamble that can be) -- but they are going to want many hours of your time and it may often bleed into evenings and weekends. Contrast this with a government-based organization which often has strictly limited and mandated hours for roles and you may find that you are seldom working more than 40 hours a week. (This is often because of their legal structures.) Private firms can fall anywhere between these two extremes, but more often than not, the size and age of the company is a good indication of what kind of time-demands they are going to make.
Many software roles these days often have an on-call component which you should factor into this work/life balance as well. If your role has some on-call requirements, consider what that schedule looks like. Are you taking the pager rotation for a day at a time every week or so? Or are you on-call for a week at a time every few weeks? On top of that: how flaky are the systems you're monitoring? Are you getting paged every couple hours? Or can you go a whole week and still get a full night's sleep? But even if you have a noisy pager, you might still be able to tolerate this if you feel well-supported and well-compensated at work *and* have an understanding partner.
Lastly, work-from-home! It seems like these days, most companies offer some kind of work-from-home or location-flex as a benefit. Especially after the pandemic hit, even a lot of companies that said they would never permit work-from-home quickly found that they could support it. Work-from-home is definitely a great option for many parents/families because it can give a lot of flexibility in terms of childcare. But also consider whether your organization knows how to well-support people in a work-from-home situation -- you might be able to work from a home office but find that you are missing out on a lot of "watercooler conversations" or other less-formal meetings where decisions get made etc. It's also incredibly easy for work to spill into home/non-work time -- you no longer have a commute serving as an "impermeable boundary" between where work happens and the rest of life is happening. It's also very important to have a respectful manager in a work-from-home situation -- someone who trusts you and knows how to communicate with you in a way where they are not violating the boundaries you set between working and home-life.
Updated
Mickael’s Answer
Hi Jsai,
You are asking a lot of questions at once which can be answered simply as it depends on your company and yourself.
1. It is up to you to impose limits to how long you work. Most contracts for Software Engineers is 40 hours a week, so 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Some will have different contracts based on their role. For example, support engineers may have a different requirement, and some may work the weekend, with different shifts.
Many companies have enough work to keep people busy 24/7 so it's up to you to make sure to stop when appropriate, still doing the job that is expected from you.
2. Remote working. This is becoming more and more common, especially for software engineers. Many companies offer at least a hybrid mode where the employee may have to come to the office every once in a while. Again that really depends on the company, the team, the job ...
I personally never worked on the weekend or been asked to. With the experience I have, and I accepted it, I could be called for urgent matters. But that was all up to me to accept or refuse. The company I work for, Dell Technologies, offers full time remote and I have to admit that since they reopened the office, the cubicles and corridors are pretty empty.
As one of my friend and manager said: you have your career in your hands, and no one else will make it happens the way you want it unless you express yourself and make it happens. But yes, it exists.
If you are interested https://jobs.dell.com/
We offer full remote job offer and we have ton of work :)
You are asking a lot of questions at once which can be answered simply as it depends on your company and yourself.
1. It is up to you to impose limits to how long you work. Most contracts for Software Engineers is 40 hours a week, so 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Some will have different contracts based on their role. For example, support engineers may have a different requirement, and some may work the weekend, with different shifts.
Many companies have enough work to keep people busy 24/7 so it's up to you to make sure to stop when appropriate, still doing the job that is expected from you.
2. Remote working. This is becoming more and more common, especially for software engineers. Many companies offer at least a hybrid mode where the employee may have to come to the office every once in a while. Again that really depends on the company, the team, the job ...
I personally never worked on the weekend or been asked to. With the experience I have, and I accepted it, I could be called for urgent matters. But that was all up to me to accept or refuse. The company I work for, Dell Technologies, offers full time remote and I have to admit that since they reopened the office, the cubicles and corridors are pretty empty.
As one of my friend and manager said: you have your career in your hands, and no one else will make it happens the way you want it unless you express yourself and make it happens. But yes, it exists.
If you are interested https://jobs.dell.com/
We offer full remote job offer and we have ton of work :)
Thank you! I appreciate the support. I will definitely take a look at Dell and do some research to see if it is the right company for me. Have a blessed day!
Jsai
Updated
Walter’s Answer
I have a friend who is a software engineer and has been in the field for about 5 years now. The work-life balance really depends on the company you will be working for. In my friends scenario, he is able to work from home (or anywhere in the world) so long as his work is completed and deadlines are met. His schedule is normally Monday - Friday but again this is all based on whether or not he completed what needed to get done. I would say to speak to your potential employer and ask questions about work-life balance and their way of working. I'm sure many firms now allow you to work from home.
Thank you for the encouragement. I will make sure that I ask these imperative questions before I take on any position. I appreciate your time! Have a blessed day!
Jsai
Updated
Frank’s Answer
The best thing about being a software engineer is the job market. If spending time with your family is important to you, finding a job where you have a great work life balance is definitely achievable! At my last job ( a small company ) they couldn't compete with the big guys in salary so they had a 4 day work week!
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Nitsan’s Answer
The best answer for this question is: depends. Depends on the company, the specific role, the geography, your goals, your personality and much much more. In general, if quality time wit family is a top priority, it totally doable!
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Carson’s Answer
Hey Jsai,
In my opinion software engineers in big companies and mid-sized companies have a really good WLB(work-life balance) whereas engineers at startups tend to work a lot more. A lot of us work from home remotely now due to the pandemic. I'm able to spend time with my family a lot and it really depends a lot more on their schedule than mine. There are definitely work-from-home positions but I would like to say there are more onsite/hybrid positions than remote ones.
In my opinion software engineers in big companies and mid-sized companies have a really good WLB(work-life balance) whereas engineers at startups tend to work a lot more. A lot of us work from home remotely now due to the pandemic. I'm able to spend time with my family a lot and it really depends a lot more on their schedule than mine. There are definitely work-from-home positions but I would like to say there are more onsite/hybrid positions than remote ones.
Thank you! I have a daughter on the way so family time has become even more important to me. I would love to find a work-from-home position.
Jsai
Updated
Dave’s Answer
Hi,
Having a work-life balance really depends on the company you work for. I have about 20 years experience in the Software Industry working remote and in the office. I've found remote jobs can give you lots more freedom, but you need an organization that values work-life balance and encourages you to make good decisions. At some place I've worked at remotely, they assumed and expected me to work extra hours to get things done on time. They did not encourage me to take time off.
So make sure when you are applying for a role you do some research on that company and how they value people's time. Ask the employees their experience and how much overtime they work, if they are on-call and how long they are typically on-call. Make sure you have the time you need in your day and that they are supportive of your needs.
Having a work-life balance really depends on the company you work for. I have about 20 years experience in the Software Industry working remote and in the office. I've found remote jobs can give you lots more freedom, but you need an organization that values work-life balance and encourages you to make good decisions. At some place I've worked at remotely, they assumed and expected me to work extra hours to get things done on time. They did not encourage me to take time off.
So make sure when you are applying for a role you do some research on that company and how they value people's time. Ask the employees their experience and how much overtime they work, if they are on-call and how long they are typically on-call. Make sure you have the time you need in your day and that they are supportive of your needs.
Updated
Daniel’s Answer
Work life balance is something you should always strive for in any career. Engineering is no different. Its important that in any role you have in your career that you set boundaries, operating norms, and set expectations with your team. When you can focus on the time you have allocated and not be distracted by personal obligations, you can maximize your productivity and be a great contributor to your company.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Updated
Vidya’s Answer
This is a hard question- I'd say this varies depending on the company and team culture. I've been in the tech world for a decade now- there have been times I've worked for 15+ hours but also days when I've worked far fewer hours.
It also comes down to how you manage your time and deliverables. Usually managers/stakeholders do not micromanage if your deliverables are of good quality and on time.
Overall, software engineering is a great place to be. There is a lot of flexibility that can be leveraged. Be sure to research the company AND team you'd be joining though. That's crucial.
It also comes down to how you manage your time and deliverables. Usually managers/stakeholders do not micromanage if your deliverables are of good quality and on time.
Overall, software engineering is a great place to be. There is a lot of flexibility that can be leveraged. Be sure to research the company AND team you'd be joining though. That's crucial.
Updated
Jimil’s Answer
If you work a remote job, you will generally have more time to spend with your family. Many for the remote jobs are senior level positions, so you may need to work a hybrid position at first in order to gain work experience. Ultimately, companies paying for senior employees are really just paying for people that have watched youtube videos and completed coding projects, assignments, and work within cross functional teams. Familiarizing yourself with different languages and software is important, as well as common enterprise tools used by various companies. If you can find certain aspects of coding that best suit your needs, then you can focus on those aspects in order to gain specific experience faster. This will ultimately give you more time with your family. I chose to pursue mostly C++ and Python because they pay well, and as I continue to learn more, I become exponentially faster as coding in these languages. Also, certain fields within software such as medical, industrial, and others use certain libraries (external add ons) to make better use of their respective languages. By focusing on one of these subsets, you can generate more free hours for your family that you would otherwise be using to learn extra coding concepts after normal work hours. Every company wants to tell you to work 40 hours per week, especially when you are getting paid by the hour instead of on a salary. The reality is, companies don't care if something takes you more than 40 hours, as long as you get it done. For this reason, I aire on the side of more hours some weeks, especially for a new position, and as you get better at your job and coding as a whole, you can work progressively less hours over time.
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