5 answers
Jay
Student
Kansas City, Missouri
1
Question
Asked
378 views
How do I be successfully when I'm being pressured?
Don't really wanna go to college but I have to
5 answers
Briana Pelle, MS, CCC-SLP
Speech language pathology
149
Answers
Nashville, Tennessee
Updated
Briana’s Answer
Jay,
What's important here is to have a solid game plan. Not every life path or career requires college. Many people, especially parents, are under the impression that college is a must when that is not the case, especially if *you* (the person actually expected to go) are not invested in it.
People pressuring you to go to college are doing that because they're worried about your ability to support yourself in the future. If you don't want to go to college, you need to have a clear idea of what you're going to do to support yourself and explain that. Maybe it's going directly into the workforce in an entry level job, maybe it's a trade school.
It's also important to know your options, as not wanting to go to a 4-year college doesn't necessarily mean you'd don't want or need a higher level of education. These options include:
- community college (2 year degree)
- online degrees (typically 2 year degrees, with some 4 year)
- trade school (HVAC, electrician, plumbing, cosmetology, etc)
- technician certification (vet tech, sonogram tech, xray tech, CNA, etc)
- apprenticeship (tattoo artist, some contractors)
Weigh your options and determine what works best for you. Have a written list of goals and ways you plan to achieve them, which may or may not entail college.
What's important here is to have a solid game plan. Not every life path or career requires college. Many people, especially parents, are under the impression that college is a must when that is not the case, especially if *you* (the person actually expected to go) are not invested in it.
People pressuring you to go to college are doing that because they're worried about your ability to support yourself in the future. If you don't want to go to college, you need to have a clear idea of what you're going to do to support yourself and explain that. Maybe it's going directly into the workforce in an entry level job, maybe it's a trade school.
It's also important to know your options, as not wanting to go to a 4-year college doesn't necessarily mean you'd don't want or need a higher level of education. These options include:
- community college (2 year degree)
- online degrees (typically 2 year degrees, with some 4 year)
- trade school (HVAC, electrician, plumbing, cosmetology, etc)
- technician certification (vet tech, sonogram tech, xray tech, CNA, etc)
- apprenticeship (tattoo artist, some contractors)
Weigh your options and determine what works best for you. Have a written list of goals and ways you plan to achieve them, which may or may not entail college.
David Beaumont
Technical Support
29
Answers
Westerville, Ohio
Updated
David’s Answer
Hello Jay,
I would imagine it is no fun to be pressured to do something you are not wanting to do. Are you able to be curious about why you 'have to" go to college? Based on the responses you receive would it make sense to consider the responses provided to you?
Also, it would be helpful for you to have a game plan for what you would like to do in place of college that would allow you to be successful. If it's your parents insisting on college, you could present your reasons for not wanting to go and share your passion for other options, along with the steps you're willing to take to achieve success.
A compromise could also be considered, like committing to a 2-year college program to see if you like it. This way, you'll gain valuable insights into college life, learn new skills, and have the chance to discuss different perspectives with college advisors.
Wishing you great success in your journey.
I would imagine it is no fun to be pressured to do something you are not wanting to do. Are you able to be curious about why you 'have to" go to college? Based on the responses you receive would it make sense to consider the responses provided to you?
Also, it would be helpful for you to have a game plan for what you would like to do in place of college that would allow you to be successful. If it's your parents insisting on college, you could present your reasons for not wanting to go and share your passion for other options, along with the steps you're willing to take to achieve success.
A compromise could also be considered, like committing to a 2-year college program to see if you like it. This way, you'll gain valuable insights into college life, learn new skills, and have the chance to discuss different perspectives with college advisors.
Wishing you great success in your journey.
Kim Igleheart
Career Counselor | Police Officer
1738
Answers
San Antonio, Texas
Updated
Kim’s Answer
Jay,
We aren't quite sure what you mean by "have to."
Lots of decisions we make in life have repercussions. The question is, do we want to lead our own lives, be responsible for our own decisions, and choose our own destinies? Doing so can come at a cost, especially in certain families or cultures where it is "a given" that you will go to college, and perhaps even enter the family business. The cost can be severe. Perhaps the family will "disown" you or disinherit you.
It's difficult to be successful if your heart is not in it. So, I'd recommend either not going, or find a way to be committed to it. This could be by understanding the value of the education (assuming someone else is paying for it) and what you can do with it later should you choose to head out in a different direction. If you are being pushed into going to college AND taking out loans to do so, I'd shout a big "heck no!"
Assuming this is a family matter, it might be time to sit down and try to have an "adult" discussion about this topic. If they won't accept your decision, perhaps there is room for compromise? As in, "okay, I'll go, but only if I can choose my own major." Perhaps you can find something to study that you really enjoy!
Sadly, I've watched many people in your situation, not just about school, but other life choices as well. Sometimes, parents just have a hard time accepting that it is time to let go, to allow you to live your own life, and hope that they gave you a solid foundation.
If this is causing stress for you or within your home, you may want to seek the assistance of a school guidance counselor.
Kim
We aren't quite sure what you mean by "have to."
Lots of decisions we make in life have repercussions. The question is, do we want to lead our own lives, be responsible for our own decisions, and choose our own destinies? Doing so can come at a cost, especially in certain families or cultures where it is "a given" that you will go to college, and perhaps even enter the family business. The cost can be severe. Perhaps the family will "disown" you or disinherit you.
It's difficult to be successful if your heart is not in it. So, I'd recommend either not going, or find a way to be committed to it. This could be by understanding the value of the education (assuming someone else is paying for it) and what you can do with it later should you choose to head out in a different direction. If you are being pushed into going to college AND taking out loans to do so, I'd shout a big "heck no!"
Assuming this is a family matter, it might be time to sit down and try to have an "adult" discussion about this topic. If they won't accept your decision, perhaps there is room for compromise? As in, "okay, I'll go, but only if I can choose my own major." Perhaps you can find something to study that you really enjoy!
Sadly, I've watched many people in your situation, not just about school, but other life choices as well. Sometimes, parents just have a hard time accepting that it is time to let go, to allow you to live your own life, and hope that they gave you a solid foundation.
If this is causing stress for you or within your home, you may want to seek the assistance of a school guidance counselor.
Kim
Richard J (Rich) Tedesco
Program Management
37
Answers
Rolesville
Updated
Richard J (Rich)’s Answer
When you become 18 and an adult - you can make your own decisions. But, of course you don't want to cause strife with your family or whoever is pressuring you. As one of the respondents said above - have an "adult" conversation with the parties involved and let them know your feelings. But, as someone else said above - it would be best if you had a plan.
I got pressured to go to college after high school. I was a honor society student, athlete, and lot of community service - but I really was not looking forward to college right after high school either. Yet, I knew I should do it at some time (note: if you don't have a plan - it may be hard to get back into school if you don't press yourself and get college out of the way). So, I knew I needed a plan and something meaningful - and not just "I will figure it out" - so I joined the US Air Force after trying college for a very short time.
The US Air Force gave me a life of my own and a structure, financing, and stability to figure things out. Based on that - I found out after a couple of years there were scholarship programs for me to get my Bachelor's. I was already taking night courses. I worked hard at my USAF job, got a good reputation and lots of support to get a US Air Force scholarship. I ended up getting the scholarship and went back to school full time, for no cost to me, at age 21. By that time I was ready. From there I stayed in the USAF for 27 years, ended up with a Bachelor's degree and two Masters Degrees, and have a very meaningful life with lots of great experiences.
The bottom line - when I quit college after 8 weeks, I went and joined the USAF on my own, went home and told my parents the plan and moved on with my life. Don't not go to college to do nothing. Don't go to college but do something.
I got pressured to go to college after high school. I was a honor society student, athlete, and lot of community service - but I really was not looking forward to college right after high school either. Yet, I knew I should do it at some time (note: if you don't have a plan - it may be hard to get back into school if you don't press yourself and get college out of the way). So, I knew I needed a plan and something meaningful - and not just "I will figure it out" - so I joined the US Air Force after trying college for a very short time.
The US Air Force gave me a life of my own and a structure, financing, and stability to figure things out. Based on that - I found out after a couple of years there were scholarship programs for me to get my Bachelor's. I was already taking night courses. I worked hard at my USAF job, got a good reputation and lots of support to get a US Air Force scholarship. I ended up getting the scholarship and went back to school full time, for no cost to me, at age 21. By that time I was ready. From there I stayed in the USAF for 27 years, ended up with a Bachelor's degree and two Masters Degrees, and have a very meaningful life with lots of great experiences.
The bottom line - when I quit college after 8 weeks, I went and joined the USAF on my own, went home and told my parents the plan and moved on with my life. Don't not go to college to do nothing. Don't go to college but do something.
T.J. Worthy
Mentor
202
Answers
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Updated
T.J.’s Answer
Hello Jay!
That sucks you feel pressured by others to attend college, even though you don't want to go.
It doesn't make sense to do things you dislike, just because "that's what other people are doing."
Attending college can work for some people, but it does not work for everyone. You do not need to force yourself to go to college.
You don't have to fall into the pressure. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 can take control of your life.
You can create a plan, present it to others in your life, and stand up for yourself.
The plan you go with can be:
- Work experience after high school. Either full-time or part-time [At a restaurant, retail, call center, any local business].
- Gap year to explore hobbies, meet people, and volunteer work.
- Hands on training or programs in a specific field [such as the options Briana listed for you].
Explore all of the routes and form a plan.
You want to show the people in your life that you're responsible and capable of making decisions. Show them that your plan is realistic and that you plan to effectively use your time after high school.
Here's some tips for presenting a plan:
➤ Check out "How to Write an Achievable 5 Year Plan" | https://www.betterup.com/blog/5-year-plan
➤ Write down an agreement to your plan in writing.
If you need to show your parents, a written plan/agreement can be very helpful!
Set a time frame for the next 2-4 years. Write down clear, achievable realistic steps. Explain your goals clearly and why you're pursing them. The plan doesn't have to be long, but it should be detailed. Try to write something that's 2 pages.
Example for an introduction:
I, Jay, will pursue [the route you want to do]. I intend to focus on [overview of steps] over the next [X] years. By [future date], I expect to [reach a point in your plan].
➤ Check-In System
Another thing to add to your agreement are check-in's --- aka --- planned times to check-in with the people around you on your progress.
Check-ins can help you hold yourself accountable while also letting people know that "Hey, I'm actually doing the thing I said I wanted to do!"
Once you get them on board, go for it! Start taking action towards your goals.
College is an investment of your time and money. If you don't want to do it, invest your time and money elsewhere and do what's right for you.
Know that taking another route and not the plans others expect from you doesn't mean you're turning against the people in your life. It means you're living your life on your own terms.
That's a sign of maturity.
Sending you encouragement as you forge your own path after high school :)
If you don't know what type of route you want to take, look at MyNextMove! https://www.onetonline.org/help/onet/mynextmove
That sucks you feel pressured by others to attend college, even though you don't want to go.
It doesn't make sense to do things you dislike, just because "that's what other people are doing."
Attending college can work for some people, but it does not work for everyone. You do not need to force yourself to go to college.
You don't have to fall into the pressure. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 can take control of your life.
You can create a plan, present it to others in your life, and stand up for yourself.
The plan you go with can be:
- Work experience after high school. Either full-time or part-time [At a restaurant, retail, call center, any local business].
- Gap year to explore hobbies, meet people, and volunteer work.
- Hands on training or programs in a specific field [such as the options Briana listed for you].
Explore all of the routes and form a plan.
You want to show the people in your life that you're responsible and capable of making decisions. Show them that your plan is realistic and that you plan to effectively use your time after high school.
Here's some tips for presenting a plan:
➤ Check out "How to Write an Achievable 5 Year Plan" | https://www.betterup.com/blog/5-year-plan
➤ Write down an agreement to your plan in writing.
If you need to show your parents, a written plan/agreement can be very helpful!
Set a time frame for the next 2-4 years. Write down clear, achievable realistic steps. Explain your goals clearly and why you're pursing them. The plan doesn't have to be long, but it should be detailed. Try to write something that's 2 pages.
Example for an introduction:
I, Jay, will pursue [the route you want to do]. I intend to focus on [overview of steps] over the next [X] years. By [future date], I expect to [reach a point in your plan].
➤ Check-In System
Another thing to add to your agreement are check-in's --- aka --- planned times to check-in with the people around you on your progress.
Check-ins can help you hold yourself accountable while also letting people know that "Hey, I'm actually doing the thing I said I wanted to do!"
Once you get them on board, go for it! Start taking action towards your goals.
College is an investment of your time and money. If you don't want to do it, invest your time and money elsewhere and do what's right for you.
Know that taking another route and not the plans others expect from you doesn't mean you're turning against the people in your life. It means you're living your life on your own terms.
That's a sign of maturity.
Sending you encouragement as you forge your own path after high school :)
T.J. recommends the following next steps:
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