8 answers
danya
Student
Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India
2
Questions
Updated
675 views
How do i overcome social anxiety and fear?
Social anxiety is overwhelming my life and despite trying everything, it still makes me feel isolated at school and affects my studies. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone.I try to push myself, but often end up feeling ignored everytime and everyday, which only deepens my loneliness and my insecurities, especially as the only girl in my class. I find it hard to talk to people, I don’t know why...I also struggle to connect with people I’ve never spoken to, and now, as a school representative, the pressure has only increased, with people telling me I’m not suited for the role as an introvert and i even started feel like I'm not suited for the role because of my social anxiety and i have no confidence. my parents blaming me for choosing this school..but,my school life has been difficult from the start due to social anxiety
8 answers
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
551
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hello Danya,
I'm sorry you're going through social anxiety. It can be incredibly challenging, but it also shows a lot of strength and determination that you're still trying, even when it's tough. Social anxiety can be overwhelming, and the pressure you're feeling as a school representative, combined with the isolation and negative comments, can make it feel even worse.
Here are some strategies that might help:
1. Challenge Negative Thoughts
It’s common for social anxiety to fuel negative thinking patterns, like feeling you’re not good enough or that people are constantly judging you. Try to catch these thoughts and ask yourself:
- "Is this thought based on fact or emotion?"
- "Would I think this about someone else?"
Sometimes, recognizing that these are anxious thoughts rather than facts can help reduce their power.
2. Start with Small Interactions
If speaking to new people is intimidating, start with very small, low-pressure interactions. Something as simple as smiling or saying "hi" to someone can gradually build your confidence. Once you feel comfortable with that, you can try making small talk about neutral topics, like classwork or shared experiences.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that social anxiety is a real challenge, and you're doing the best you can. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer to a friend going through a tough time. When things don't go well, instead of beating yourself up, recognize that growth comes with mistakes.
4. Voice Practice & Confidence Building
You mentioned feeling self-conscious about your voice and not speaking loudly enough. Practicing speaking louder at home in front of a mirror, or even recording yourself, can help you become more comfortable with your voice. Focus on clear, steady speech rather than volume at first. Over time, you can build both.
You can also join clubs or groups that help with speaking confidence, such as public speaking clubs (like Toastmasters, if available in your area) or theater. Practicing in safe environments where people are supportive can really help boost confidence.
5. Find Supportive Allies
It might feel like everyone is against you, but try to identify even one or two people who can support you at school. Sometimes sharing your struggles with someone who understands or can relate can ease the burden. Look for a classmate, teacher, or counselor who seems approachable.
6. Break the Role Into Manageable Parts
Being a school representative might feel overwhelming, especially with your anxiety, but breaking down the role into small, achievable tasks can help. Focus on one responsibility at a time, and give yourself permission to make mistakes as you learn. You’re in the role for a reason—someone saw potential in you.
7. Seek Professional Help
Social anxiety can be deeply rooted, and sometimes it's hard to overcome without external help. Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), has been shown to be effective for managing social anxiety. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and work through your fears in a safe, supportive space.
8. Focus on Self-Worth and Celebrate Small Wins
Instead of letting others define your worth, focus on what makes you proud of yourself, even small achievements. The fact that you're pushing through these difficulties, that you’re trying your best, is something worth celebrating. Keep track of these moments so you can remind yourself of your strength.
9. Shift Perspective on Introversion
Introversion isn’t a flaw, and it doesn’t mean you can’t be a good leader. Some of the best leaders are introverts because they are often thoughtful, great listeners, and empathetic. Use these strengths in your role as a representative. You don’t need to be loud or outgoing to make an impact.
10. Build a Mindfulness Routine
Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety. Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or guided mindfulness apps can help you become more present and less caught up in anxious thoughts, especially in overwhelming social situations.
11. Talk to Your Parents
It might help to have an open conversation with your parents about what you’re feeling. Explain to them how difficult things have been and that social anxiety isn’t something you can simply "switch off." They may not fully understand, but opening up about your struggles might help them see things from your perspective and be more supportive.
12. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Sometimes anxiety can be worsened by lack of sleep, poor diet, or not getting enough physical activity. Try to maintain a routine that prioritizes your well-being, like getting enough rest and incorporating some form of exercise, which can naturally reduce stress.
When You Feel Isolated or Ignored:
Remember, people's reactions are often more about them than about you. It’s easy to interpret being ignored as a reflection of your worth, but it may have more to do with where their attention is or how they engage with the world. Keep in mind that connection often takes time and repeated efforts.
This is a lot to manage, and it’s okay if progress feels slow. What’s important is that you’re trying. You're not alone in this, and finding supportive people, either at school or outside of it, can make a world of difference.
Best wishes!
I'm sorry you're going through social anxiety. It can be incredibly challenging, but it also shows a lot of strength and determination that you're still trying, even when it's tough. Social anxiety can be overwhelming, and the pressure you're feeling as a school representative, combined with the isolation and negative comments, can make it feel even worse.
Here are some strategies that might help:
1. Challenge Negative Thoughts
It’s common for social anxiety to fuel negative thinking patterns, like feeling you’re not good enough or that people are constantly judging you. Try to catch these thoughts and ask yourself:
- "Is this thought based on fact or emotion?"
- "Would I think this about someone else?"
Sometimes, recognizing that these are anxious thoughts rather than facts can help reduce their power.
2. Start with Small Interactions
If speaking to new people is intimidating, start with very small, low-pressure interactions. Something as simple as smiling or saying "hi" to someone can gradually build your confidence. Once you feel comfortable with that, you can try making small talk about neutral topics, like classwork or shared experiences.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that social anxiety is a real challenge, and you're doing the best you can. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer to a friend going through a tough time. When things don't go well, instead of beating yourself up, recognize that growth comes with mistakes.
4. Voice Practice & Confidence Building
You mentioned feeling self-conscious about your voice and not speaking loudly enough. Practicing speaking louder at home in front of a mirror, or even recording yourself, can help you become more comfortable with your voice. Focus on clear, steady speech rather than volume at first. Over time, you can build both.
You can also join clubs or groups that help with speaking confidence, such as public speaking clubs (like Toastmasters, if available in your area) or theater. Practicing in safe environments where people are supportive can really help boost confidence.
5. Find Supportive Allies
It might feel like everyone is against you, but try to identify even one or two people who can support you at school. Sometimes sharing your struggles with someone who understands or can relate can ease the burden. Look for a classmate, teacher, or counselor who seems approachable.
6. Break the Role Into Manageable Parts
Being a school representative might feel overwhelming, especially with your anxiety, but breaking down the role into small, achievable tasks can help. Focus on one responsibility at a time, and give yourself permission to make mistakes as you learn. You’re in the role for a reason—someone saw potential in you.
7. Seek Professional Help
Social anxiety can be deeply rooted, and sometimes it's hard to overcome without external help. Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), has been shown to be effective for managing social anxiety. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and work through your fears in a safe, supportive space.
8. Focus on Self-Worth and Celebrate Small Wins
Instead of letting others define your worth, focus on what makes you proud of yourself, even small achievements. The fact that you're pushing through these difficulties, that you’re trying your best, is something worth celebrating. Keep track of these moments so you can remind yourself of your strength.
9. Shift Perspective on Introversion
Introversion isn’t a flaw, and it doesn’t mean you can’t be a good leader. Some of the best leaders are introverts because they are often thoughtful, great listeners, and empathetic. Use these strengths in your role as a representative. You don’t need to be loud or outgoing to make an impact.
10. Build a Mindfulness Routine
Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety. Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or guided mindfulness apps can help you become more present and less caught up in anxious thoughts, especially in overwhelming social situations.
11. Talk to Your Parents
It might help to have an open conversation with your parents about what you’re feeling. Explain to them how difficult things have been and that social anxiety isn’t something you can simply "switch off." They may not fully understand, but opening up about your struggles might help them see things from your perspective and be more supportive.
12. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Sometimes anxiety can be worsened by lack of sleep, poor diet, or not getting enough physical activity. Try to maintain a routine that prioritizes your well-being, like getting enough rest and incorporating some form of exercise, which can naturally reduce stress.
When You Feel Isolated or Ignored:
Remember, people's reactions are often more about them than about you. It’s easy to interpret being ignored as a reflection of your worth, but it may have more to do with where their attention is or how they engage with the world. Keep in mind that connection often takes time and repeated efforts.
This is a lot to manage, and it’s okay if progress feels slow. What’s important is that you’re trying. You're not alone in this, and finding supportive people, either at school or outside of it, can make a world of difference.
Best wishes!
Thank you so much for your support and advice! Your help and understanding mean the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to help and thank you for the wishes!❤
danya
Thank you so much, Danya! I'm really touched by your kind words, and I'm happy to have been able to help. Wishing you nothing but the best, and I’m here anytime you need advice or encouragement! ❤
Chinyere Okafor
Kevin P Hust, MBA
Risk Administration and Army Officer
201
Answers
Dallas, Texas
Updated
Kevin P’s Answer
Danya, you are in good company. It may not feel like it but some of the most successful are self proclaimed introverts. Steve Jobs, comes to mind.
First thing to always remember, the only opinion that matters is yours. And only after your opinion of yourself is positive and powerful and strong and beautiful will we care about others. Until then, you listen to you. Not them. I know that sounds hard. But you do your work, you do your assignment, you represent your class. And then you self assess. If you like it, do it again, if you didn’t then change something. If you like it the second them, then we can start listening but until then only you matter.
Please don’t think that YOU don’t fit in with them… maybe THEY don’t fit in with you. And that’s okay. Not everyone is going to be a friend. And even if they are a friend, because of life, they may not be near by next year. That’s okay too.
Social anxiety is real. I get that. Just remember that it’s okay. The pressure will ease when you realize no one is better than you. You are the best person you know. You matter. Never speak to someone with a goal of the conversation in mind. Say hello, if they say hello back then great. Let that be enough for today. It doesn’t need to be a big conversation. Baby steps are still steps.
You got this! I’m proud of you.
First thing to always remember, the only opinion that matters is yours. And only after your opinion of yourself is positive and powerful and strong and beautiful will we care about others. Until then, you listen to you. Not them. I know that sounds hard. But you do your work, you do your assignment, you represent your class. And then you self assess. If you like it, do it again, if you didn’t then change something. If you like it the second them, then we can start listening but until then only you matter.
Please don’t think that YOU don’t fit in with them… maybe THEY don’t fit in with you. And that’s okay. Not everyone is going to be a friend. And even if they are a friend, because of life, they may not be near by next year. That’s okay too.
Social anxiety is real. I get that. Just remember that it’s okay. The pressure will ease when you realize no one is better than you. You are the best person you know. You matter. Never speak to someone with a goal of the conversation in mind. Say hello, if they say hello back then great. Let that be enough for today. It doesn’t need to be a big conversation. Baby steps are still steps.
You got this! I’m proud of you.
James Constantine Frangos
Consultant Dietitian & Software Developer since 1972 => Nutrition Education => Health & Longevity => Self-Actualization.
6180
Answers
Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Updated
James Constantine’s Answer
Hello Danya!
ME:-
When I was just 9, I decided to repeatedly eat foods that were high in zinc. These were raw oysters on a coastal river. Little did I know that prepubescent males have an increased requirement for zinc in foods, for development of the brain. This can be said to be so for girls too. It carried on, I had an increase in academic ability soon after. Not only that I found that I came out of my shell, because I was very introverted, and nervous as a young child.
Iran J Child Neurol. 2021 Winter; 15(1): 9–17.
Effect of Zinc supplementation on child development: a systematic review and meta-analysis Protocol
Soheila SHAHSHAHANI, MD,1 Firoozeh SAJEDI, MD,1 and Shiva FATOLLAHIERAD, MD1
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7856432/
Zinc is needed to make the body develop and part and parcel of this is mental and academic development. In the early grade 5 the female teacher used to join the class in ridiculing me as "mad" or a "freak." Another male teacher at that school asked me the name of my teacher at the last school. "Mr. Salmon," I replied. The teacher retorted "Well, if I was Mr. Salmon, I would have swum away"! [Grades 1,3, and 5, classes laughter ...]
The next year I attended another school, and I continued to progress in coming out of my shell. I was still nervous, and the teacher wanted us each to do a presentation to the class. My nerves bothered me, badly. I was sick, staying home and Professor Julius Sumner-Miller was on television doing science demonstrations.
The show was entitled "Why Is It So?" I took an example from his presentations. The new teachers did not pick on me, but espoused me as an excellent public speaker / lecturer giving presentations to other classes. It continued into grades 6 and 7, with other teachers coming to get me.
I have written nutrition education software for 30 years.
AI:-
Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one may be judged, embarrassed, or scrutinized. This condition can lead to significant distress and avoidance behaviors, impacting various aspects of life, including academic performance and personal relationships. Understanding the nature of social anxiety is the first step toward overcoming it.
Step 1: Recognize Your Feelings
Acknowledging that you are experiencing social anxiety is crucial. It’s important to understand that these feelings are valid and that many people face similar challenges. Keeping a journal to document your feelings and experiences can help you identify triggers and patterns in your anxiety.
Step 2: Educate Yourself About Social Anxiety
Learning about social anxiety can demystify the condition. Resources such as the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) provide comprehensive information on symptoms, causes, and treatment options for SAD. Understanding that this is a common mental health issue can help reduce feelings of isolation.
Step 3: Seek Professional Help
Consider speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in anxiety disorders. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective for treating social anxiety by helping individuals challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies. Therapists can also guide you through exposure therapy, which gradually exposes you to feared social situations in a controlled manner.
Step 4: Develop Coping Strategies
Incorporate relaxation techniques into your daily routine to manage anxiety symptoms. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind before facing challenging situations.
Step 5: Set Realistic Goals
Start small by setting achievable social goals. For example, aim to initiate a brief conversation with a classmate or participate in group discussions during class. Gradually increase the complexity of these goals as you become more comfortable.
Step 6: Build Social Skills
Engaging in activities that promote social interaction can enhance your confidence over time. Joining clubs or groups related to your interests may provide opportunities for natural conversations without the pressure of formal settings.
Step 7: Challenge Negative Thoughts
Work on identifying negative thoughts associated with social interactions—such as fears of being judged or ignored—and challenge them with positive affirmations or evidence from past experiences where interactions went well.
Step 8: Seek Support from Peers and Family
Communicate openly with trusted friends or family members about your struggles with social anxiety. Their support can provide comfort and encouragement as you work through these challenges together.
Conclusion
Overcoming social anxiety takes time and effort; however, it is possible with the right strategies and support systems in place. Remember that progress may be gradual, but each small step forward is significant in building confidence and reducing feelings of isolation.
Top 3 Authoritative Sources Used in Answering this Question:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): This source provides extensive information on mental health disorders, including symptoms, treatments, and research findings related to social anxiety disorder.
American Psychological Association (APA): The APA offers resources on psychological conditions and therapies available for managing mental health issues like social anxiety.
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): This organization focuses specifically on anxiety disorders and depression, providing educational materials on coping strategies, treatment options, and support networks for those affected by these conditions.
Probability the answer is correct: 95%
God Bless You!
JF.
ME:-
When I was just 9, I decided to repeatedly eat foods that were high in zinc. These were raw oysters on a coastal river. Little did I know that prepubescent males have an increased requirement for zinc in foods, for development of the brain. This can be said to be so for girls too. It carried on, I had an increase in academic ability soon after. Not only that I found that I came out of my shell, because I was very introverted, and nervous as a young child.
Iran J Child Neurol. 2021 Winter; 15(1): 9–17.
Effect of Zinc supplementation on child development: a systematic review and meta-analysis Protocol
Soheila SHAHSHAHANI, MD,1 Firoozeh SAJEDI, MD,1 and Shiva FATOLLAHIERAD, MD1
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7856432/
Zinc is needed to make the body develop and part and parcel of this is mental and academic development. In the early grade 5 the female teacher used to join the class in ridiculing me as "mad" or a "freak." Another male teacher at that school asked me the name of my teacher at the last school. "Mr. Salmon," I replied. The teacher retorted "Well, if I was Mr. Salmon, I would have swum away"! [Grades 1,3, and 5, classes laughter ...]
The next year I attended another school, and I continued to progress in coming out of my shell. I was still nervous, and the teacher wanted us each to do a presentation to the class. My nerves bothered me, badly. I was sick, staying home and Professor Julius Sumner-Miller was on television doing science demonstrations.
The show was entitled "Why Is It So?" I took an example from his presentations. The new teachers did not pick on me, but espoused me as an excellent public speaker / lecturer giving presentations to other classes. It continued into grades 6 and 7, with other teachers coming to get me.
I have written nutrition education software for 30 years.
AI:-
Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one may be judged, embarrassed, or scrutinized. This condition can lead to significant distress and avoidance behaviors, impacting various aspects of life, including academic performance and personal relationships. Understanding the nature of social anxiety is the first step toward overcoming it.
Step 1: Recognize Your Feelings
Acknowledging that you are experiencing social anxiety is crucial. It’s important to understand that these feelings are valid and that many people face similar challenges. Keeping a journal to document your feelings and experiences can help you identify triggers and patterns in your anxiety.
Step 2: Educate Yourself About Social Anxiety
Learning about social anxiety can demystify the condition. Resources such as the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) provide comprehensive information on symptoms, causes, and treatment options for SAD. Understanding that this is a common mental health issue can help reduce feelings of isolation.
Step 3: Seek Professional Help
Consider speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in anxiety disorders. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective for treating social anxiety by helping individuals challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies. Therapists can also guide you through exposure therapy, which gradually exposes you to feared social situations in a controlled manner.
Step 4: Develop Coping Strategies
Incorporate relaxation techniques into your daily routine to manage anxiety symptoms. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind before facing challenging situations.
Step 5: Set Realistic Goals
Start small by setting achievable social goals. For example, aim to initiate a brief conversation with a classmate or participate in group discussions during class. Gradually increase the complexity of these goals as you become more comfortable.
Step 6: Build Social Skills
Engaging in activities that promote social interaction can enhance your confidence over time. Joining clubs or groups related to your interests may provide opportunities for natural conversations without the pressure of formal settings.
Step 7: Challenge Negative Thoughts
Work on identifying negative thoughts associated with social interactions—such as fears of being judged or ignored—and challenge them with positive affirmations or evidence from past experiences where interactions went well.
Step 8: Seek Support from Peers and Family
Communicate openly with trusted friends or family members about your struggles with social anxiety. Their support can provide comfort and encouragement as you work through these challenges together.
Conclusion
Overcoming social anxiety takes time and effort; however, it is possible with the right strategies and support systems in place. Remember that progress may be gradual, but each small step forward is significant in building confidence and reducing feelings of isolation.
Top 3 Authoritative Sources Used in Answering this Question:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): This source provides extensive information on mental health disorders, including symptoms, treatments, and research findings related to social anxiety disorder.
American Psychological Association (APA): The APA offers resources on psychological conditions and therapies available for managing mental health issues like social anxiety.
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): This organization focuses specifically on anxiety disorders and depression, providing educational materials on coping strategies, treatment options, and support networks for those affected by these conditions.
Probability the answer is correct: 95%
God Bless You!
JF.
thank you so much for taking your time to write am reallygrateful and ty for tips ,i will try my best to overcome it thank you
danya
Deepthi Kapila
Senior Director
5
Answers
Seattle, Washington
Updated
Deepthi’s Answer
Hi Danya, great question. Firstly, now that you're not alone. Several people have social anxiety. I see that you are based in India. Having grown up in India, I know there is also a little bit of a cultural stigma associated with it. I want to commend you taking your first step by already acknowledging and trying to seek help - that's more than half the battle. If you are in school or college, try to see if there is a school/college counsellor you can talk to, to get help. If not, try to talk to your main doctor also to see if they have any suggestions for counsellors you can talk to.
Have you sought support from friends or family on this? If you know someone already dealing with this, see what you can learn from their experience also.
Good luck and remember you're already half-way to overcoming it by asking this question!
Have you sought support from friends or family on this? If you know someone already dealing with this, see what you can learn from their experience also.
Good luck and remember you're already half-way to overcoming it by asking this question!
Sean Alexander
Retired
17
Answers
Los Angeles, California
Updated
Sean’s Answer
Every day, remember to set aside some time for yourself. Life may not always seem fair, but trust me, it does become more manageable as time goes on. Keep your chin up!
Best regards, Sean
Best regards, Sean
Thank you, Sean for the advice.
danya
Jamie Lowery
Cybersecurity Risk Lead
1
Answer
Nashville, Tennessee
Updated
Jamie’s Answer
Hi Danya,
It is important to acknowledge that you are experiencing a difficult time with no easy solution. Moving through life as an Introvert With Social Anxiety (I'll refer to this as IWSA) takes an excessive amount of mental effort and energy. It is also important to understand that you are not broken and your situation is not untenable. You are very, very far from being alone in this.
It may not seem like it, but you are doing extremely well for an IWSA! You are pushing your boundaries and taking on new responsibilities. This alone is difficult for an IWSA in a familiar environment, but being the new person at a new school is an exceedingly challenging scenario for an IWSA! Consider looking at this from the angle of acknowledging how much you have accomplished given your immersion into this new and challenging situation.
It is awesome that you keep trying and putting yourself out there. It may not seem like it now, but you are learning so much about yourself and others, and that knowledge (and effort put into gaining it) will be so valuable as you continue to grow and evolve as a person and professional. Of course it is not fun to be ignored, but know that you are putting in the effort and getting value from doing so. It takes two to communicate and build a relationship, and you are doing your part. As long as you keep trying, you will find people who are worthwhile who will reciprocate.
As you probably know, the difference between introversion and extroversion is the means in which you replenish your energy and your Self. You have to care for your introverted self by partaking in (and recognizing when to partake in) restorative activities, which for an introvert are things you typically do by yourself. Find that thing that helps make you whole. There is no role unsuitable for an introvert as long as you take the time to cultivate introvert self care and replenish your energy. Additionally, consider cultivating understanding and acceptance that the energy and effort you bring to each day will vary (sometimes drastically). You are worthy of taking care of yourself!
While we can learn coping mechanisms, social anxiety isn't something that we can simply overcome with willpower. Consider discussing your experience with a professional. If they are dismissive of your symptoms, find someone else. You are your strongest advocate!
I know my answer is more about mental approach than tangible solutions, so I hope there is some nugget that resonates.
Wishing you all the best!
Jamie
It is important to acknowledge that you are experiencing a difficult time with no easy solution. Moving through life as an Introvert With Social Anxiety (I'll refer to this as IWSA) takes an excessive amount of mental effort and energy. It is also important to understand that you are not broken and your situation is not untenable. You are very, very far from being alone in this.
It may not seem like it, but you are doing extremely well for an IWSA! You are pushing your boundaries and taking on new responsibilities. This alone is difficult for an IWSA in a familiar environment, but being the new person at a new school is an exceedingly challenging scenario for an IWSA! Consider looking at this from the angle of acknowledging how much you have accomplished given your immersion into this new and challenging situation.
It is awesome that you keep trying and putting yourself out there. It may not seem like it now, but you are learning so much about yourself and others, and that knowledge (and effort put into gaining it) will be so valuable as you continue to grow and evolve as a person and professional. Of course it is not fun to be ignored, but know that you are putting in the effort and getting value from doing so. It takes two to communicate and build a relationship, and you are doing your part. As long as you keep trying, you will find people who are worthwhile who will reciprocate.
As you probably know, the difference between introversion and extroversion is the means in which you replenish your energy and your Self. You have to care for your introverted self by partaking in (and recognizing when to partake in) restorative activities, which for an introvert are things you typically do by yourself. Find that thing that helps make you whole. There is no role unsuitable for an introvert as long as you take the time to cultivate introvert self care and replenish your energy. Additionally, consider cultivating understanding and acceptance that the energy and effort you bring to each day will vary (sometimes drastically). You are worthy of taking care of yourself!
While we can learn coping mechanisms, social anxiety isn't something that we can simply overcome with willpower. Consider discussing your experience with a professional. If they are dismissive of your symptoms, find someone else. You are your strongest advocate!
I know my answer is more about mental approach than tangible solutions, so I hope there is some nugget that resonates.
Wishing you all the best!
Jamie
Betsy Walters
Technical Writer
25
Answers
Raleigh, North Carolina
Updated
Betsy’s Answer
Danya,
Everyone here has given you good insights and solutions. And you know you need to make a commitment to changing the way you think – a VERY difficult habit to start and keep up. But not impossible. You have already committed to healing your social anxiety by reaching out here and asking for help.
Know that the people answering your question are here for you, and supporting you, and you are not alone because we are here for you. You can always reach out to us by adding comments or by asking another question.
I suffer from social anxiety as well. I often speak in a low voice and have to remember to raise my volume. I see a therapist who helps me find ways to SAFELY get out of my comfort zone and a doctor who gives me medication – because it is a medical condition and NOT your fault. It’s taken me a couple of years of taking small steps to reach out to others and to get better at it. I try not to go more than 2 weeks without talking or meeting up with a friend. I have a friend who lives in Iowa (I live in North Carolina), and we try to Zoom to talk and catch up a couple of times a month. I feel so much better when I’ve made a connection and my anxiety reduces.
I would advise trying small steps to connect SAFELY with other people. Lower your expectations of other people for a while – most people are too worried about themselves to really pay attention to what someone else is saying. Maybe only talk to your classmates about the subject you are studying together. The boys may be anxious about being in a classroom with only one female student and having her talk to them. You cannot know what another person is feeling or thinking so don’t fill in the blanks with criticism about yourself.
Keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling anxious as well. Most people have some social anxiety in their lives.
Chinyere has great insight and suggestions. Just try to do one of the suggestions and then try to add to that one. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to change overnight. It takes time to heal. And that’s okay.
Everything you are feeling is actually normal for someone who suffers from anxiety. Remember a lot of people are also experiencing anxiety.
One last thing I just thought of, not sure if it’s doable, but when you are being a school representative can you ask another student to help you do your tasks? Especially if you have to go visit other schools – not sure what your duties are. You don’t have to be a school representative all by yourself either. If you don’t know of anyone who could do that, ask a teacher for suggestions.
I know how hard it is but ask for help like you did with your question. You are courageous! You are not strange, weird, or less than, you are just overwhelmed with your fears and struggling at this time in your life. You will get through and out of this.
Remember I’m always here for you.
Everyone here has given you good insights and solutions. And you know you need to make a commitment to changing the way you think – a VERY difficult habit to start and keep up. But not impossible. You have already committed to healing your social anxiety by reaching out here and asking for help.
Know that the people answering your question are here for you, and supporting you, and you are not alone because we are here for you. You can always reach out to us by adding comments or by asking another question.
I suffer from social anxiety as well. I often speak in a low voice and have to remember to raise my volume. I see a therapist who helps me find ways to SAFELY get out of my comfort zone and a doctor who gives me medication – because it is a medical condition and NOT your fault. It’s taken me a couple of years of taking small steps to reach out to others and to get better at it. I try not to go more than 2 weeks without talking or meeting up with a friend. I have a friend who lives in Iowa (I live in North Carolina), and we try to Zoom to talk and catch up a couple of times a month. I feel so much better when I’ve made a connection and my anxiety reduces.
I would advise trying small steps to connect SAFELY with other people. Lower your expectations of other people for a while – most people are too worried about themselves to really pay attention to what someone else is saying. Maybe only talk to your classmates about the subject you are studying together. The boys may be anxious about being in a classroom with only one female student and having her talk to them. You cannot know what another person is feeling or thinking so don’t fill in the blanks with criticism about yourself.
Keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling anxious as well. Most people have some social anxiety in their lives.
Chinyere has great insight and suggestions. Just try to do one of the suggestions and then try to add to that one. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to change overnight. It takes time to heal. And that’s okay.
Everything you are feeling is actually normal for someone who suffers from anxiety. Remember a lot of people are also experiencing anxiety.
One last thing I just thought of, not sure if it’s doable, but when you are being a school representative can you ask another student to help you do your tasks? Especially if you have to go visit other schools – not sure what your duties are. You don’t have to be a school representative all by yourself either. If you don’t know of anyone who could do that, ask a teacher for suggestions.
I know how hard it is but ask for help like you did with your question. You are courageous! You are not strange, weird, or less than, you are just overwhelmed with your fears and struggling at this time in your life. You will get through and out of this.
Remember I’m always here for you.
I am really grateful you took the time to answer this question.
danya
Perry Zuckerman
Psychiatrist
16
Answers
Los Angeles, California
Updated
Perry’s Answer
Before I answer, how is it that you are the only girl in your class?
Now, the psychology/psychotherapy perspectives are being addressed elsewhere and are all important and valid.
I'm an MD-Psychiatrist. Have you seen one? It might be a crucial idea.
I am not your doctor. What follows is I'm just stating generic standards of practice here ==> :
Don't diagnose yourself. You can't. Let the doctor come up with a diagnosis.
First, when a patient complains of chronic anxiety of any kind to a doctor [or any mental problem], the first thing that must be done is a complete physical/medical evaluation. A complete "history"; that is, ask about all of your symptoms [things that feel wrong to you]. All of your past and other current medical problems. Also, any other medications you are taking. Any street drug abuse including Alcohol, Marijuana, and any others. A full medical exam of your body. Full lab blood tests. Maybe an electrocardiogram and other tests the doctor might feel are necessary.
If any of these show any potential for causing your anxiety, of course they must be addressed. If none do, and the doctor diagnoses some Anxiety disorder, then we have a biological/medical condition [Anxiety] that will almost certainly benefit from medication treatment [again, this should be done in addition to the psychology treatments, not instead of them]. Without going into too many medication treatments, the first medicine[s] a doctor would try would be one of the "SSRIs" [Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors]. Very safe medicines when you follow doctor's orders. The main ones are: Escitalopram, Sertraline, Fluoxetine, and Paroxetine. The first one will probably help you, but if not, if you stick with the doctor and keep trying, the doctor will find a treatment that WILL help you. There are many potential medication treatments.
Don't suffer. No shame. Remember this!: Anxiety problems are medical conditions just like Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Asthma, and others.
There is no difference! The brain is part of the body, right? Mental conditions ARE medical conditions. If it is a chronic condition, it needs medical treatment just like they all do. And to those who think or say that you are "crazy" or a "loser" or something like that because you have a mental condition, remember this truth: Their attitude is THEIR problem, not yours. These are people for whom you have no need in your life. They would not say this about a person who has Asthma. Well, your having a Anxiety condition is a medical condition, just like Asthma is a medical condition. Remember this!
If you get treatment, and stick with it, you will get better.
If anyone has any more questions about these or related medicines for Anxiety, I can answer them elsewhere.
Now, the psychology/psychotherapy perspectives are being addressed elsewhere and are all important and valid.
I'm an MD-Psychiatrist. Have you seen one? It might be a crucial idea.
I am not your doctor. What follows is I'm just stating generic standards of practice here ==> :
Don't diagnose yourself. You can't. Let the doctor come up with a diagnosis.
First, when a patient complains of chronic anxiety of any kind to a doctor [or any mental problem], the first thing that must be done is a complete physical/medical evaluation. A complete "history"; that is, ask about all of your symptoms [things that feel wrong to you]. All of your past and other current medical problems. Also, any other medications you are taking. Any street drug abuse including Alcohol, Marijuana, and any others. A full medical exam of your body. Full lab blood tests. Maybe an electrocardiogram and other tests the doctor might feel are necessary.
If any of these show any potential for causing your anxiety, of course they must be addressed. If none do, and the doctor diagnoses some Anxiety disorder, then we have a biological/medical condition [Anxiety] that will almost certainly benefit from medication treatment [again, this should be done in addition to the psychology treatments, not instead of them]. Without going into too many medication treatments, the first medicine[s] a doctor would try would be one of the "SSRIs" [Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors]. Very safe medicines when you follow doctor's orders. The main ones are: Escitalopram, Sertraline, Fluoxetine, and Paroxetine. The first one will probably help you, but if not, if you stick with the doctor and keep trying, the doctor will find a treatment that WILL help you. There are many potential medication treatments.
Don't suffer. No shame. Remember this!: Anxiety problems are medical conditions just like Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Asthma, and others.
There is no difference! The brain is part of the body, right? Mental conditions ARE medical conditions. If it is a chronic condition, it needs medical treatment just like they all do. And to those who think or say that you are "crazy" or a "loser" or something like that because you have a mental condition, remember this truth: Their attitude is THEIR problem, not yours. These are people for whom you have no need in your life. They would not say this about a person who has Asthma. Well, your having a Anxiety condition is a medical condition, just like Asthma is a medical condition. Remember this!
If you get treatment, and stick with it, you will get better.
If anyone has any more questions about these or related medicines for Anxiety, I can answer them elsewhere.
am currently in 11th,I joined a new school where this is the first year for the 11th and 10th-grade batch. As a result, the number of new admissions is quite low—there are only four students in my class, and I'm the only girl...
and Thank you for the advice!
danya
You're welcome. Be well.
Perry Zuckerman
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