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Why are students automatically supposed to have their lives figured out at 18?

There has always been an objective to life even when you’re young and no where close to independent but for some reason at eighteen you’re supposed to know what you want to do, who you want to be, where you’ll go, etc and it puts an extreme amount of pressure on those of us trying to do a million different things everyday such as applying to scholarships or keeping your grades up and so much more.

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Timothy’s Answer

Hi Angel,

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate: lots of choices to make, and lots of work to get through. And I agree—it can feel overwhelming how at 18 you're suddenly given a lot of responsibility over what you can do with your life. Rest assured: you don't need it all planned out, but it does help to start something.

Here's what I did:
• After finishing high school in Australia, plan to start a journalism degree
• Didn't end up getting the marks to meet the cutoff for the program
• Have my sister recommend an IT scholarship degree instead
• Get the scholarship, finish in 3 years
• Get a job straight out of university, which taught me a lot, but I absolutely *hated it*
• Completed a Graduate Certificate in Journalism in the meantime (that I hardly ever used)
• Quit my job after a few years and go teach English in Japan (this is where I realized that your path is never set, and your life will change over time if you work on it)
• Met my wife while in Japan
• Return home, start a new career in technical writing
• Find a lot of success in this career
• Got married, and have enough experience that I can land a job in the USA

Here are the things that helped me:
• Getting started somewhere: even though I didn't have the marks for the degree I wanted, I pivoted to something else and kept moving.
• Giving myself some grace: my first job was tough, but I still got a lot out of it, and it set me up for success later on down the road. It wasn't necessarily a bad choice in my life—it was just a chapter.
• Knowing that nothing is certain: your likes/dislikes, opinions, experiences, and preferences change over the years, and that's okay. Ask me if I want to get into journalism now. (The answer is "no thanks".)

Best of luck!
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Evgeniya’s Answer

it is not as much about expecting you to figure it all out. It is more about the society and family being unable to further dictate your choices. Till you are 18, the adults are essentially telling you what to do, exactly because the pressure of making decisions on your own is too much for a growing person, you do not yet have skills and strengths required for such decisions, although after 12 you are getting more and more choices to make for yourself. And in many cases at 18 you still struggle with making your decisions. Just the adults do not feel entitled anymore to dictate you. Whether you are willing to make your own choices at that time or you prefer following the paths chosen for you further on, till you feel more confident later in time, is your choice. And be assured that noone has it figured out completely - not in 18, not in 50.
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Dr’s Answer

Hey Angel, preach! It’s like society thinks that at 18, we’re supposed to have our lives perfectly mapped out, as if we’ve been handed a magic roadmap to success—when in reality, most of us are still figuring out where to get our laundry done and how to make toast without burning it. 😅

Here’s the thing: you’re not alone. The pressure to have it all together at 18 is like trying to build a house on quicksand—it’s just not realistic and it’s totally okay not to have all the answers yet. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual (though it sure would be helpful, right?). So, let's break this down and have a laugh:

1. You're not a robot!
You’re human. At 18, you’re still figuring out what you like, what you don’t, and everything in between. The idea that you should have your life figured out while balancing grades, scholarships, friends, and the sudden urge to nap all the time is a lot. So take a breath—life is a process, not a race. You have time to explore.


2. You don't need to have it all figured out, seriously.
Some people know exactly what they want to do at 18, but guess what? Many of those same people change their minds by 25 or 30. So why rush it? Take it step by step and give yourself permission to evolve. Life is like a road trip—sometimes you change the route halfway through, and that's perfectly fine.

3. Scholarships and grades are important, but so is your mental health.
Keep applying for scholarships, study hard, but don’t forget to take breaks too. Don’t let the hustle make you miss out on enjoying life or discovering what makes you happy beyond your resume. Everyone has their own timeline, and comparing yourself to others will only create more stress.

In short, you’re doing great! You're still figuring it out, and that’s okay. The pressure can feel like a heavy backpack, but don’t forget to take it off every now and then—life is way more fun when you give yourself a little grace! So, go ahead and dance it out for a bit or eat that extra cookie. 🎉 You've got this!
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Juli’s Answer

Hi! It is more then okay to not know what you want to do with your life at 18. I am 33 and still haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Trust your gut and instincts over these next few years. Meet and talk to as many people as you can and take an interest in what they do. Life has a funny way of guiding you if you listen carefully and put your effort in.
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