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How to navigate the unfamiliar and demanding nature of counseling school age children without falling apart?
Hi there,
I am currently completing my second/last internship for my Master's in Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy. My internship last year was with adults with acute and chronic mental illness. This year, I landed a last-minute placement with a nonprofit organization that places graduate Interns in schools. I am placed at an elementary school as a school counselor, however, I have never worked with school-age children in any capacity. I have a brief experience as a preschool assistant and have taken multiple developmental psych classes. The nature of the internship is going to be very hands-off (me doing everything from ground zero) from asking for consent forms to pulling students out of classrooms for a session which is putting me in a vulnerable place. I am not a very assertive individual. How to navigate the unfamiliar and demanding nature of this new experience without falling apart?
P.S. I am expected to begin next week.
Thank you!
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7 answers
Updated
Michelle’s Answer
Hello, Niloofar !
This is a great question ! It shows that you truly care and aim to be your best at this awesome opportunity as a School Counselor ! I can give you some advice that hopefully will ease any worry that you may have about working with school-aged children. You will soon see that it will be a most fulfilling and satisfying assignment and believe it or not, the students will "teach" you a lot, too ! As someone who has spent 27 years as a social service case manager and various other positions working with all populations, I will hopefully share some insight that is helpful.
In this position, you are going to juggle between interacting with children and adults. The adults will be the parents as well as the supportive vendors that you arrange services for the children with, so you are going to still be having contact with adults, too. The magical thing about working with children is that we were once there. We were all kids at one time. Find a place within that creates that special memory you have of your childhood. What always helped me with kids was that I always felt that childhood is probably one of the most important phases of life and a child should have the best processes to shape them towards adulthood. You can be part of that process.
You are very educated about the psych-social aspects of working with children. Like adult clients, you will want to meet them where they're at and use your sessions to help them realize things and teach them how to self-discover how to solve issues. I always found that the engagement process with children is easier than with adults, so my approach was always gentle and very friendly. Remember that many children trust easier than adults do. Since kids need to and want to feel safe, use a lot of reassurance with them, too. In the meantime, you'll have to abide by your school district's rules and guidelines and that can mean many things, so before you begin, be oriented to exactly that school's mission and philosophy and what you can and cannot say or do. Lots of changes in schools lately, so it's best to keep up with the current system in place.
Also remember this - there is only so much you can do. Just you being there will make a difference in the child's life. The beauty of the position is that no two days are the same and it is a field of work that is far from boring, so I think that you will enjoy the work. I am curious about if the school is in Irvine or the city of Los Angeles, but regardless of which school you'll be at, all kids need someone like you for contributing to their self-awareness about their development and navigating the processes to solve situations. I am confident that you have the qualified know-how to do this work successfully. Stay patient and it's okay if one of your students is resistant or makes little or no progress. Always remember that it is not a reflection of you or your professional ability.
I hope that this is helpful and I congratulate you on this new assignment ! You can do this and there are a lot of kids out there that do need you, so proceed with confidence and a smile !
This is a great question ! It shows that you truly care and aim to be your best at this awesome opportunity as a School Counselor ! I can give you some advice that hopefully will ease any worry that you may have about working with school-aged children. You will soon see that it will be a most fulfilling and satisfying assignment and believe it or not, the students will "teach" you a lot, too ! As someone who has spent 27 years as a social service case manager and various other positions working with all populations, I will hopefully share some insight that is helpful.
In this position, you are going to juggle between interacting with children and adults. The adults will be the parents as well as the supportive vendors that you arrange services for the children with, so you are going to still be having contact with adults, too. The magical thing about working with children is that we were once there. We were all kids at one time. Find a place within that creates that special memory you have of your childhood. What always helped me with kids was that I always felt that childhood is probably one of the most important phases of life and a child should have the best processes to shape them towards adulthood. You can be part of that process.
You are very educated about the psych-social aspects of working with children. Like adult clients, you will want to meet them where they're at and use your sessions to help them realize things and teach them how to self-discover how to solve issues. I always found that the engagement process with children is easier than with adults, so my approach was always gentle and very friendly. Remember that many children trust easier than adults do. Since kids need to and want to feel safe, use a lot of reassurance with them, too. In the meantime, you'll have to abide by your school district's rules and guidelines and that can mean many things, so before you begin, be oriented to exactly that school's mission and philosophy and what you can and cannot say or do. Lots of changes in schools lately, so it's best to keep up with the current system in place.
Also remember this - there is only so much you can do. Just you being there will make a difference in the child's life. The beauty of the position is that no two days are the same and it is a field of work that is far from boring, so I think that you will enjoy the work. I am curious about if the school is in Irvine or the city of Los Angeles, but regardless of which school you'll be at, all kids need someone like you for contributing to their self-awareness about their development and navigating the processes to solve situations. I am confident that you have the qualified know-how to do this work successfully. Stay patient and it's okay if one of your students is resistant or makes little or no progress. Always remember that it is not a reflection of you or your professional ability.
I hope that this is helpful and I congratulate you on this new assignment ! You can do this and there are a lot of kids out there that do need you, so proceed with confidence and a smile !
Hello Michelle,
I found so much comfort while reading your response. What a powerful realization that "just being there" is sometimes enough of an intervention! I tend to be harder on myself regarding that. My previous supervisor used to say that "our patients/clients are our teachers," so that resonated a lot. As you put it, there will be a learning curve regarding doing the paperwork and district-related tasks, which I will eventually learn. Thanks for your curiosity, the school is in Orange County.
Thank you for your kindness in sharing your experiences,
-Niloofar
Niloofar
You are very welcome, Niloofar ! I am happy that I can share my thoughts for you and again, I wish you all the best in this new position !
Michelle M.
Updated
Adrian’s Answer
Greetings,
Navigating the unfamiliar territory of counseling school-age children can be challenging, especially when transitioning from working with adults. However, the skills you’ve gained from your previous internship and your academic background will serve as a solid foundation. Start by reminding yourself that children, while different in their developmental needs, also benefit from the same core counseling principles: active listening, empathy, and creating a safe space. One approach to grounding yourself in this new setting is to lean into your developmental psychology knowledge. Understanding the cognitive and emotional stages that children pass through will help you tailor your approach, making your interactions with them feel more manageable and aligned with their developmental levels. Don’t be afraid to take things one step at a time and rely on supervision or guidance from any available mentors within the organization.
Since the internship is hands-off and you’ll need to take initiative, it’s important to focus on building assertiveness, particularly in navigating logistics like obtaining consent forms and scheduling sessions. Assertiveness is not about being forceful but about being clear and confident in your role. You can practice assertiveness by setting clear boundaries, expectations, and communication with teachers, staff, and parents. It may feel intimidating, but consider each interaction an opportunity to grow these skills incrementally. Remember, everyone involved (teachers, students, and families) wants what’s best for the students, and you’re part of that mission. Asking for support when needed and recognizing that it's okay to feel vulnerable in a new role is part of the learning process. Self-compassion will be key as you step into this unfamiliar territory.
To avoid feeling overwhelmed, establish a self-care routine that helps you decompress. Counseling, particularly with children, can be emotionally demanding, and it’s crucial to manage your own mental well-being. Art therapy is a great tool for children, and it can also be a way to ground yourself in sessions, using creative outlets to connect with them. When you feel stuck, lean into your training and look for small successes—whether it’s a breakthrough moment with a child or simply managing your day’s tasks. Keeping track of those positive moments can boost your confidence and help you manage the demands of this new environment without feeling like you’re falling apart.
-Adrian
Navigating the unfamiliar territory of counseling school-age children can be challenging, especially when transitioning from working with adults. However, the skills you’ve gained from your previous internship and your academic background will serve as a solid foundation. Start by reminding yourself that children, while different in their developmental needs, also benefit from the same core counseling principles: active listening, empathy, and creating a safe space. One approach to grounding yourself in this new setting is to lean into your developmental psychology knowledge. Understanding the cognitive and emotional stages that children pass through will help you tailor your approach, making your interactions with them feel more manageable and aligned with their developmental levels. Don’t be afraid to take things one step at a time and rely on supervision or guidance from any available mentors within the organization.
Since the internship is hands-off and you’ll need to take initiative, it’s important to focus on building assertiveness, particularly in navigating logistics like obtaining consent forms and scheduling sessions. Assertiveness is not about being forceful but about being clear and confident in your role. You can practice assertiveness by setting clear boundaries, expectations, and communication with teachers, staff, and parents. It may feel intimidating, but consider each interaction an opportunity to grow these skills incrementally. Remember, everyone involved (teachers, students, and families) wants what’s best for the students, and you’re part of that mission. Asking for support when needed and recognizing that it's okay to feel vulnerable in a new role is part of the learning process. Self-compassion will be key as you step into this unfamiliar territory.
To avoid feeling overwhelmed, establish a self-care routine that helps you decompress. Counseling, particularly with children, can be emotionally demanding, and it’s crucial to manage your own mental well-being. Art therapy is a great tool for children, and it can also be a way to ground yourself in sessions, using creative outlets to connect with them. When you feel stuck, lean into your training and look for small successes—whether it’s a breakthrough moment with a child or simply managing your day’s tasks. Keeping track of those positive moments can boost your confidence and help you manage the demands of this new environment without feeling like you’re falling apart.
-Adrian
Hello Adrian,
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to my question! I appreciate you pointing out the difficulty of transitioning from one population to another. Your answer is inspiring me to put a brief informational sheet together regarding various developmental stages to refer back to when needed! I agree with you that most of the time, counseling is about honoring the basic needs of safety rather than relying on the counselor's genius in "making something happen." Thank you for elaborating on the ways I can slowly build assertiveness, it is a process. I am a huge novice in self-compassionate practices, so reading your comment reminded me of its importance once again.
Thank you for offering wisdom and reassurance!
-Niloofar
Niloofar
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hello Niloofar,
Great question! It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed in this new and challenging situation, especially when working with a different age group for the first time. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate this transition successfully:
1. Ground Yourself in Preparation
- Leverage Your Knowledge: Trust in your developmental psychology background. Review key developmental stages for elementary-age children (e.g., emotional regulation, communication skills) to help tailor your approach to their needs.
- Seek Guidance Early: Although your internship may be hands-off, don’t hesitate to ask your supervisors or peers for advice on navigating the school setting, especially with practical matters like consent forms or school protocols. The structure in schools can be very different, and it’s okay to request help initially.
2. Foster Assertiveness Gently
- Set Expectations from the Start: Assertiveness doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Introduce yourself to teachers, administrators, and students early on, explaining your role. This will help set boundaries and create a comfortable working relationship.
- Use Clear, Simple Communication: Be straightforward when explaining why you’re pulling a student out of class, and use concise, friendly language with teachers. Clear communication makes it easier for others to respond positively, reducing the anxiety of being assertive.
3. Develop a Structured Routine
- Create a Session Framework: Establish a predictable structure for your sessions with students. Children thrive on routine, and having a clear plan (check-in, activity, reflection) will give you a sense of control over your work.
- Use Visual Aids: As an art therapy student, visual tools can be your best friend. Incorporate simple, engaging visuals to help children express their feelings, especially when words are challenging.
4. Build Trust Gradually
- Get to Know the Students: Building rapport with children takes time. Start by showing genuine interest in their lives—learn their names, hobbies, and challenges. Being approachable and consistent in your availability will help foster trust.
- Create a Safe Space: Since many children may not be familiar with therapy or counseling, explain what your role is in child-friendly terms. Let them know they are in a safe, supportive environment where they can express themselves freely.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
- Normalize Mistakes: Accept that mistakes and learning curves are part of the process. Reflect on challenges after your sessions, but don’t dwell on them. Focus on what you can improve next time.
- Self-Care: Make sure you are setting aside time to unwind and recharge, especially when feeling emotionally drained. Use creative outlets like art to manage your stress.
6. Engage in Reflective Practice
- Keep a Journal: Write down your observations, reflections, and areas of concern after each session. This will help you process your emotions and give you insight into how you can better support the children in your care.
- Debrief with Peers: If possible, connect with other interns or professionals who work with children to share experiences, challenges, and strategies. You’ll likely find that you’re not alone in your struggles.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
- Recognize Progress: School counseling can be subtle and slow-paced. Celebrate any small signs of progress, whether it’s a child opening up more or being able to focus in a session. These moments are significant steps toward success.
Stepping into a new environment, especially one that feels unfamiliar and challenging, is no small feat—but it's also a tremendous opportunity for growth. While working with school-age children may seem daunting right now, especially without prior experience, you already possess valuable skills, knowledge, and passion that will guide you. This experience is not about being perfect from day one; it's about learning, adapting, and building connections with the students and staff. With patience, preparation, and self-compassion, you can navigate these challenges and become an even more confident and capable counselor. You've got everything it takes to succeed!
Best wishes!
Great question! It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed in this new and challenging situation, especially when working with a different age group for the first time. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate this transition successfully:
1. Ground Yourself in Preparation
- Leverage Your Knowledge: Trust in your developmental psychology background. Review key developmental stages for elementary-age children (e.g., emotional regulation, communication skills) to help tailor your approach to their needs.
- Seek Guidance Early: Although your internship may be hands-off, don’t hesitate to ask your supervisors or peers for advice on navigating the school setting, especially with practical matters like consent forms or school protocols. The structure in schools can be very different, and it’s okay to request help initially.
2. Foster Assertiveness Gently
- Set Expectations from the Start: Assertiveness doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Introduce yourself to teachers, administrators, and students early on, explaining your role. This will help set boundaries and create a comfortable working relationship.
- Use Clear, Simple Communication: Be straightforward when explaining why you’re pulling a student out of class, and use concise, friendly language with teachers. Clear communication makes it easier for others to respond positively, reducing the anxiety of being assertive.
3. Develop a Structured Routine
- Create a Session Framework: Establish a predictable structure for your sessions with students. Children thrive on routine, and having a clear plan (check-in, activity, reflection) will give you a sense of control over your work.
- Use Visual Aids: As an art therapy student, visual tools can be your best friend. Incorporate simple, engaging visuals to help children express their feelings, especially when words are challenging.
4. Build Trust Gradually
- Get to Know the Students: Building rapport with children takes time. Start by showing genuine interest in their lives—learn their names, hobbies, and challenges. Being approachable and consistent in your availability will help foster trust.
- Create a Safe Space: Since many children may not be familiar with therapy or counseling, explain what your role is in child-friendly terms. Let them know they are in a safe, supportive environment where they can express themselves freely.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
- Normalize Mistakes: Accept that mistakes and learning curves are part of the process. Reflect on challenges after your sessions, but don’t dwell on them. Focus on what you can improve next time.
- Self-Care: Make sure you are setting aside time to unwind and recharge, especially when feeling emotionally drained. Use creative outlets like art to manage your stress.
6. Engage in Reflective Practice
- Keep a Journal: Write down your observations, reflections, and areas of concern after each session. This will help you process your emotions and give you insight into how you can better support the children in your care.
- Debrief with Peers: If possible, connect with other interns or professionals who work with children to share experiences, challenges, and strategies. You’ll likely find that you’re not alone in your struggles.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
- Recognize Progress: School counseling can be subtle and slow-paced. Celebrate any small signs of progress, whether it’s a child opening up more or being able to focus in a session. These moments are significant steps toward success.
Stepping into a new environment, especially one that feels unfamiliar and challenging, is no small feat—but it's also a tremendous opportunity for growth. While working with school-age children may seem daunting right now, especially without prior experience, you already possess valuable skills, knowledge, and passion that will guide you. This experience is not about being perfect from day one; it's about learning, adapting, and building connections with the students and staff. With patience, preparation, and self-compassion, you can navigate these challenges and become an even more confident and capable counselor. You've got everything it takes to succeed!
Best wishes!
Hello Chinyere,
Thank you tremendously for your comprehensive response to my question. It puts things into perspective by breaking the unfamiliarities into smaller familiar tasks. I do agree with you that counseling is not about perfection. It might come down easier to some of us than others, but as you mentioned it is a skill that can be learned. I appreciate your generosity in sharing your experiences and hope to implement them as I progress forward.
Thank you!
-Niloofar
Niloofar
Of course! I'm glad I could help Niloofar.
Chinyere Okafor
Updated
David’s Answer
Teaching school-aged kids effectively often hinges on reading about the subject matter. This is a universal rule, as reading lays a solid foundation, boosts confidence, and keeps any sense of overwhelm at bay. Niloofar, in your role as a counselor, you'll be involved in psychological assessments. While this might seem daunting, remember that building a strong rapport is just as important. You could be the best counselor out there, but if your clients don't feel comfortable, trust you, or like you, it can become a tough job. As an ABA therapist myself, my priority is always to establish a good rapport. Once that's in place, they're more likely to listen and adhere to my guidance.
Stay strong, Niloofar.
David Padilla
Stay strong, Niloofar.
David Padilla
Hello David,
Thank you so much for your encouraging comment! I agree with you regarding building rapport and trust. Those are precursors to any valuable and consistent work. It makes me think how empathic attunement also helps since no one person trusts the same way. I will remember that as I embark on this new experience.
-Niloofar
Niloofar
Updated
Sha’s Answer
Hallo, it's a normal thing to feel anxious especially during transitioning from one phase to another. All you need to do is to believe in yourself, the skills and knowledge you have gained in the past are tools enough to keep you going. Remember once you were a kid and there is a way you loved it when adults dealt with you, so put yourself in their shoes, go down to their level. It will be very easy once you understand them. Establish trust and rapport with them, this will give you confidence and ease in progressing with your internship.
Hello Sha,
What a wonderful reminder that as you mentioned: "there is a way you loved it when adults dealt with you"! I can connect to that emotionally and professionally. I appreciate how you said that believing in myself comes before confidence. That I can do! Thank you for your kindness!
-Niloofar
Niloofar
Updated
David’s Answer
Hello Niloofar -- It looks like you're getting helpful ideas and input from a variety of directions. Your question caught my attention because many years ago I faced a very similar situation, also in Orange Co., BTW. I was a predoctoral psychology intern in an adult community mental health setting. One day a week, however, I went to a local nonprofit child guidance center. The purpose was for training and to get some experience providing psychological services to children. I'm not sure what you mean by the internship being very "hands off," but if that means no supervision and training, nobody on site to orient you and answer your questions, if not welcome and support you, that doesn't sound ideal. It seems your school's masters degree program should have an intern placement coordinator who works closely with each intern placement site. Not all field placements are ideal, of course, but maybe there will be more support there than you know about now. Also make sure the amount of supervised experience provided will meet the criteria you will need if you want to use the hours towards getting state licensed.
But setting aside whatever admin issues you may need to deal with, I found whatever you are doing with kids in a counseling setting--assessments, counseling, behavior modification, play therapy, art therapy, etc., the best way to begin, and continue if you're doing therapy, is with a client-centered, relatively non-directive, active listening approach.
I worked with kids in an outpatient community mental setting for over 20 years, and the one thing that seemed to be true almost always, is that children and teens will open up to a counselor who is genuinely interested in listening to them, and who treats them with respect and empathy.
But setting aside whatever admin issues you may need to deal with, I found whatever you are doing with kids in a counseling setting--assessments, counseling, behavior modification, play therapy, art therapy, etc., the best way to begin, and continue if you're doing therapy, is with a client-centered, relatively non-directive, active listening approach.
I worked with kids in an outpatient community mental setting for over 20 years, and the one thing that seemed to be true almost always, is that children and teens will open up to a counselor who is genuinely interested in listening to them, and who treats them with respect and empathy.
Hello David,
Thank you for your response! I resonated with it on so many levels. I believe the "hands-off" quality refers to being able to work independently on-site. They fortunately offer 4-5 off-site (virtual) supervision hours throughout the week. The sense of overwhelm stems from my tendency to adapt slowly to new environments. I appreciate the following passage "Not all field placements are ideal, of course, but maybe there will be more support there than you know about now." It is wonderful that it almost comes back to the simplest and yet most profound things such as empathic listening. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. It is empowering to see what is beyond the uncertainties.
-Niloofar
Niloofar
Updated
Stacy’s Answer
Working with children can be rewarding and challenging all in one go. I recommend while in this role to seek out counseling with a clinician as well. You will likely experience some difficult situations and you will need to learn the skills of how to process what is going on with your own emotions and mental state in a healthy manner. Consulting with your preceptor, mentor, or even a professor who have worked with children will be helpful as well.
Self care - this will be a vital part of your career. Here are some helpful tools:
Mindful breathing: Focus on your breathing as you inhale and exhale. This can help calm your mind and activate your body's "rest and digest" system.
Body scan meditation: This practice helps you reconnect with your physical body and notice any sensations you're experiencing.
Mindful walking: Walk without stopping for a set amount of time, focusing on each step and your breath.
Loving-kindness meditation: This practice uses mantras to create feelings of connectedness and kindness.
Mindfulness meditation: Notice your thoughts without ignoring or suppressing them. You can imagine your thoughts as clouds passing by.
Set a time limit: When you're first starting, try a short time limit, like 5 or 10 minutes.
Meditate at the same time every day: This can help you build a habit.
Resource for Mindfulness and Meditation (Mayo Clinic) - https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356#:~:text=Lie%20on%20your%20back%20with,Sitting%20meditation.
The best part about this experience is that you can determine whether this population is right for you. If not, you can always make a shift if needed. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We are human beings who feel and are not robots. YOU GOT THIS!
Self care - this will be a vital part of your career. Here are some helpful tools:
Mindful breathing: Focus on your breathing as you inhale and exhale. This can help calm your mind and activate your body's "rest and digest" system.
Body scan meditation: This practice helps you reconnect with your physical body and notice any sensations you're experiencing.
Mindful walking: Walk without stopping for a set amount of time, focusing on each step and your breath.
Loving-kindness meditation: This practice uses mantras to create feelings of connectedness and kindness.
Mindfulness meditation: Notice your thoughts without ignoring or suppressing them. You can imagine your thoughts as clouds passing by.
Set a time limit: When you're first starting, try a short time limit, like 5 or 10 minutes.
Meditate at the same time every day: This can help you build a habit.
Resource for Mindfulness and Meditation (Mayo Clinic) - https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356#:~:text=Lie%20on%20your%20back%20with,Sitting%20meditation.
The best part about this experience is that you can determine whether this population is right for you. If not, you can always make a shift if needed. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We are human beings who feel and are not robots. YOU GOT THIS!
Hello Stacy! Wow, what an opportunity to receive this reminder at just the right time. I was at my internship site when I read through your insightful response. I resonate with your recommendations to develop a self-care habit. I find myself implementing mindful breathing throughout the day. I also find it helpful to ground myself through touch by carrying a touchstone. Moreover, I appreciate remembering that everyone starts somewhere and embodied presence is incomparable to perfection. It it in fact rewarding to let children be our teachers.
Thank you again for your kindness!
-Niloofar
Niloofar