My severe fear of being poor for the rest of my life, is prohibiting me for going after my dreams. What can I do?

I come from a very poor family. I'm the oldest of 10 kids, and both my parents work blue collar jobs. We were absolutely broke. We didn't have a working car until later in my life. They couldn't afford to pay bills. We got christmas gifts from our local church. We struggled. Growing up, I knew that I wanted to make movies. Movies were the only thing I had. I felt like they belonged to me. Movies babysat us children. I got into severeal prestigious film schools after HS and couldn't afford any of them. My parents were poor with bad credit. This sent me down a dark path full of addiction. I got terrible grades in community college, because I was too drunk. I'm now clean and sober, and trying to salvage the rest of my life. I'm 21 and I have a severe fear of being poor for the rest of my life. It keeps me up at night. I can't spend money like a normal person. Bills and everyday expenses send me into an anxiety inducing headspin. I'm someone who wants to do it all in movies. I want to direct, write, act, produce, etc...All professions that have no safety net. I could spend the next 20 years of my life poor, waiting for someone to give me a chance. College is now out of the question. I'm currently in a 1 year EMT class, and i'm doing pretty well. I figured it would hold me over until I can see a future in film. I have made short films. I have written screenplays. I have acted on stage and in short films. All through the past 5+ years. I have some experience. I'm just afraid. I don't want to experience the feeling my parent's did when raising us. I wouldn't want to have kids. That's too painful. Does anyone have any advice? #career #film #Director #Screenwriter #Entertainment #Fear

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